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Sex Advice From . . . Doormen

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Just as Warhol said that everyone can be famous for fifteen minutes, Nerve believes that anyone can be a sexpert for at least thirty seconds.

  Kevin, 23

Meeting men or women at work, a good idea or bad idea?
Exceptionally bad idea.

Why?
Because, working at a hotel, especially working overnights, women come in drunk and you’re their last resort.

Flirting on the job, is that okay?
How else are you going to make money?

When you’ve just started dating someone, when’s a good time to start role-playing and talking dirty?
I would say a good six months into it.

I’ve never received a competent handjob from anyone but myself. Any tips for the populace?
You’re not trying to start a lawn mower.

promotion

When is porn a good thing for a relationship?
When she brings it up.

A date asks to give you a rim job. Well?
I shower first and then, hey. [Shrugs]

Do you return the favor?
Hmmmm, no.

What makes for great head?
Intensity.

  Raymond, 35


So you start seeing someone new. How long should you wait to have sex? Is the first date okay?
As a man, yes. You know how men are. If you’re a woman, no. You got to wait awhile.

So when is using the backdoor okay in a new relationship?
[Exhales heavily] Oh. Ahhh, I would say probably never for me.

A good friend of mine is always on the look out for her next random hook up. Should she be going to bars or checking out the personal ads?
Bars. You get to see them personally, talk to them, sense the vibes.

Is it a bad idea to tell someone you’ve been dating for a while that you’ve had random hookups in the past?
Once again, it depends on how comfortable you feel with the person. But generally it’s a bad idea.

How much noise during oral sex is hot and how much is not?
I think it’s hot. Yeah. I like to know they’re enjoying themselves.

What should absolutely never be said in bed?
Your mom is hot.

  Michael, 23

Meeting men or women at work, good call or bad call?
It has its ups and downs.

When’s a good time to start doing some dirty talking in a new relationship?
Whenever the chemistry kicks it up.

A friend of mine is always on the look out for her next random hook up. Should she be looking in bars or personal ads?
It really depends, you know. In bars you can pick up anyone from a loser/lunatic to your next possible husband, and the same thing goes for the other one.

It is a bad idea to tell someone you’ve been dating that you’ve had random hookups in the past?
If you’re going to be trying for a long-term serious relationship, it’s good to have everything out in the open and see how that goes because if it’s going to be long, you gotta be truthful. They just both have to be mature enough to handle the truth.

Is it a good idea to bring porn into a relationship?
Personally, yeah, I think it spices things up, why not? You’ve got to be adventurous.

How important is groundskeeping below the equator?
If you don’t care, hey! [Throws his hands up] Do what you have to.

What should never be said in bed?
“That wasn’t half bad!”

  Jason, 22

Meeting potential love interests at work, good idea or a bad idea?
A little bit of both. Well, it’s good because, you know, especially as a doorman it’s very easy to meet a lot of chicks. But it could be bad because if the situation goes wrong, you’re stuck at work, you can’t escape it.

When’s using the backdoor okay in a new relationship?
About a month.

When’s a good time to start up some role-playing or dirty talking with someone new?
I think the first time you have sex is a good time.

Personally, I’ve never received a competent handjob from anyone but myself. Any tips for the populace?
[Laughter] Speed. A lot of speed.

A friend of mine is always on the look out for her next random hookup. Should she be going to bars or hitting the personals?
I’d say bars. It’s the ideal place to hook up. Everybody’s already a little loose, and after having a few drinks girls are more approachable.

How important is groundskeeping below the equator?
Very. Shaving is a must.

What should absolutely never be said in bed?
"You’re the best of them all!"

Interviews by John Constantine.

Sex Advice From… appears every Thursday. Do you have sex-advice questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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