Not a member? Sign up now
What has being a D&D player taught you about dating?
If you're going to date friends, be willing to deal with the consequences. My Game Master and best friend recently divorced — killing three long-term games in the process. On the other hand, dating your dice-mates guarantees that when you joke about the enhancement bonus of your morning coffee, you won't just get a blank look. Plus, they'll understand why you can't go out on Friday night — your party needs you!
On the positive side, being a D&D player has made me understand the importance of respect in relationships, even about the little things. If my partner has disdain for my hobbies, things aren't going to last. There's very little dignity in rolling dice and slaying dragons, but it's what I like to do. So when someone I like mentions that they scrapbook, I try to respect that. And not snicker. Too much.
What's the best way to pick up a D&D player?
If you're a geek and you see a girl geek browsing the comic books and players' manuals, don't make assumptions. Nothing irritates me more than having someone tell me what I'm holding. I know what I'm holding. Aside from the fact that I came in here specifically looking for it, I CAN READ. Instead, try a trivia tidbit or a commentary on the quality/author/whatever. Your goal is to sound interested, not condescending. For the non-geek, we're really not that strange and different, but we tend to be a little defensive. Be willing to listen, stumble through some conversation you don't have the lingo for. Don't mock. Unless your romantic candidate starts talking about their characters in detail. No one finds that interesting. Really. Get out while you still can.
My girlfriend and I have been together five years, and things are getting a little boring. We've been thinking about role-playing to spice things up. Is this a good idea?
If we're talking about the intersection of D&D and sex, it is my firm opinion that that kind of role-playing has no place in the bedroom. Leave Arakos the Dragonslayer at the table. Also, dice in bed would probably be a bit like walking on legos; those d4s are basically caltrops. On the other hand, if you leave the DM's Guide on the shelf and break out the skimpy costumes, you could be in for a good time. If you play D&D, you have great experience for getting in character — but you can't rely on rolling a twenty for a good performance. Sorry. You have to do the work yourself.
I'm sort of embarrassed to have my parents meet my current girlfriend. She's very artistic, loud, and doesn't censor herself. I'm afraid it will rub my conservative parents the wrong way. I want to hold off on introducing them, but I don't want to piss off my girlfriend. What should I do?
Warn your parents that Charisma is your girlfriend's dump stat. Tell them she can come on strong, but that she's important to you. Ask them to be a little understanding. And talk to your girlfriend — tell her that while you enjoy her no-holds-barred style of conversation, your parents might be shocked, so could you work together to craft a great first impression? I'm assuming you don't want her to change — you just don't want her to scare off your parents, or vice-versa. Don't be demeaning to either party. You want to smooth out the introduction, not set them up to be arch-nemeses.
When my boyfriend gets drunk, he likes to flirt — with other men. But he's straight the rest of time. What's going on?
Look up the Kinsey scale. A lot of people exist outside of easy categories, instead residing somewhere on a spectrum between straight and gay. Same-sex attraction doesn't preclude heterosexual attraction, and it doesn't mean your boyfriend will ever act on it. Especially if it's only cropping up when he's drunk, he probably has slight attraction but is "mostly straight." Who you flirt with when you're drunk doesn't necessarily correlate to who you want to sleep with. Hell, I'd probably flirt with a houseplant, given enough tequila.
I have a cute friend who gets really affectionate when drunk. I wouldn't turn her down, but I'm not sure how she feels about me. Should I bring it up or just let the moment happen?
Don't let it "just happen" while both of you are drunk. If she's impaired, you can't be certain it's genuine and not just a product of intoxication. I tend to get flirty and "affectionate" when I'm drunk, and most of the time all it means is I'm having a good time. You don't want to end up being a morning-after regret. Make a move while you're both sober — something wildly dramatic like, "Do you want to go out on a date sometime?" It's classic.
My boyfriend suggested we try watching porn while having sex. It was fun at first, but now he watches it every time we're together. I know guys like porn but he's too into it. How do I bring this up without sounding like a prude?
It's not prudish to want to be the center of attention when your boyfriend is having sex with you. Otherwise you're just a fancy blow-up doll. Inspiration is one thing. Fixation is another. Remind your boyfriend that the porn isn't supposed to be the point. If it's fun sometimes, but not always, make that clear — your desires are as important as his. If he makes a stink, hand him some lube and go read a book. Obviously your involvement is superfluous. See how long he holds out.