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November 20, 2009
Devon, 23
How soon into the relationship should a player bring a twelve-sided die into the sack?
I am going to interpret your question literally and assume you are planning to fashion a string of anal beads out of the dice. A word of warning: they have slightly pointed edges that can cause discomfort. I would recommend starting with a d4 and working your way up. Usually, the third date is a good time to introduce this.
My girlfriend and I have been together five years, and things are getting a little boring. We've been thinking about role-playing to spice things up. Is this a good idea?
It's definitely a good idea. Role-playing can be exciting and fun for both of you! Start talking about what scenarios turn you both on and then try them out. If you need something to get those creative juices turning... You're the level 4 adventurer, braving the Gibbering Mouther's lair. Now strap on the prosthetics and let the sparks fly! Keep going at it, even if you feel silly. He or she will let you know when you can stop.
I've been dating this great girl for a couple months. She's smart, gorgeous, but there's one problem: she's not funny. At first, I laughed along to be nice, but it's becoming a chore. What should I do?
Normally, I'm all about communication, but in this case (if you don't happen to have a good Scroll of Silence handy) you might just have to man up and take it. Even normally thick-skinned people tend to be very sensitive about how funny they are perceived to be, so even broaching this subject with tact could be difficult. If she's perfect other than that, and you really care about her, I would recommend trying to learn to live with it. If, after some time has passed, you find it unbearable, then it might be time to move on.
When my boyfriend gets drunk, he likes to get flirty — with other men. But he's straight the rest of time. What's going on?
Regardless of the conventional wisdom, most people really aren't one-hundred-percent straight or gay for their entire lives. Human sexuality is a multi-faceted paradigm, fluctuating over the course of one's lifetime. You can Google sexology pioneers Alfred Kinsey or Wardell Pomeroy who, while by no means are the final word on the matter, provide an interesting take on this. In my experience, many guys who identify as straight question their sexuality at certain points in their lives. Many of them decide they want to be with women, others choose guys, and many remain conflicted. Your boyfriend may just exploring his own sexuality in his own way. Hell, have him give me a call…
I have a cute friend who gets really affectionate when drunk. I wouldn't turn her down, but I'm not sure how she feels about me. Should I bring it up or just let the moment happen?
I feel obligated to give the standard, "if you don't want to risk ruining the friendship, keep attraction out" line of advice here. But, really, my heart isn't in it. Go wild. Next time you see her even NEAR booze, pounce on her like a wolfwere in heat.
I think I might be in love with my best friend's girlfriend. I am ninety-nine-percent sure she does not feel the same way. But it kills me to see her with someone else. How the hell do I deal with this?
It's said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it actually does wonders for getting over someone. All I can say is, try to avoid seeing her. Ask if he can just come and "hang out with the guys". This will take a bit of self-discipline — but you can do it.
Commentarium (39 Comments)
Aw, these guys are awesome. The girl is going to make a lot of D&D boys happy.
A female D & D player that revels in her geekery *and* is funny and charming. That's quite the catch.
"Often women are far more vague than they think they are. Try giving him clear, straightforward direction. Men are good at that."
My general experience seems to prove otherwise.
Wicked. Is Kinsey scale a D&D game?
Actually I think the Kinsey scale is the sharpness of your broad sword.
Dr. Alfred Kinsey... the famous biologist-cum-sexologist [no pun intended].
I bet he could've talked at length about, ahem, broadswords. ;)
it's weird to me that anyone would condone taking advantage of a drunk girl. flirting with someone doesn't give the other person the go ahead to force themselves on him or her.
What I've learned from this you can fashion anal beads out of 12-headed dice. If I knew that I would have gotten into D&D years ago. And this whole time I thought my D&D buddies were geeks but heck, no. Those cats know how to party.
For the longest time I was in the "D&D closet" — I didn't tell my boyfriend I was a gamer. After a while he got suspicious and asked why I was never available on Wednesday nights, so I had to 'fess up. Don't worry, the "other man" is an elf....
These geeks are pretty damn cool.
That is one of the cutest D&D gals ever.
"I am going to interpret your question literally and assume you are planning to fashion a string of anal beads out of the dice. A word of warning: they have slightly pointed edges that can cause discomfort. I would recommend starting with a d4 and working your way up." Wait, what? A d4 is a triangular pyramid (formed from 4 equilateral triangles), and a d12 is a dodecahedron. The d4 is going to have *much* more pointy-points than the d12. Wouldn't a d20 be even less pointy...? (Unless I'm missing some reference to feats; I haven't played much since 3rd edition came out.)
A d4??!!?? Are you crazy? That sounds incredibly painful. The d12 that you so quickly pan, on the other hand, usually has rounded edges unless ridiculous cheap. Frankly a d30 would probably be the best way to start out, as the edges are, due to the large number of faces, pretty oblique.
Whoops guess I wasn't the only one who thought that... EFB
You guys have put a lot of thought into which dice would fit best up a butt.
@joclyn Oh for Christ's sake, he didn't say "rape the girl the next she's inebriated" he said "next time she gets handsy, reciprocate". I know, he worded it in a cheeky manner because he was trying to be witty (and didn't pull it off) but his intent was obvious, even though his words weren't.
As for the idea of not getting with someone because they're drunk? Bollocks to that. No one does anything drunk that they didn't want to do when they were sober. So unless the girl is passed out in a drunken coma it's totally legit to play "Sheath The Salami" with an inebriated person.
It used to be that I dated geeky white boys, and the ones that were into D&D were ever so slightly better in bed than the ones who were, say, pure Linux geeks. After a couple of run-ins with autistic boys who neither knew, nor cared whether I was having fun, I swore I'd never date another one.
And then I fell in love with and married one. But, to be fair, he is really kind of awesome.
There are actually geek girls outside?
I knew it ! ^^
helpful text btw :)
I used to play a long long time ago in a land far far away...at least until I got divorced and my then wife went for one of the other guys in our gaming group...haven't played since because I couldn't find any anyone to play with...big sigh...she was an evil bitch from hell any way. c'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est l'amour
by the way...those were 1st & 2nd ed days...yeah, that long ago
to - jaclyn
Relaxed, no one said anything about forcing themselves on anyone else and it works both ways sister.
What a wonderful forum for a marginalized group! I feel like this article is a cultural milestone, dealing with one of the most mis-understoond minorities of our time. I love it! I just have one quibble with the advice, from the cute blonde one - DIY sex-toys, in my not-so-terribly-limited experience, are always, always a bad idea. That one's like plumbing or dental work - pay a professional. You'll be glad you did.
geek girls are a rare species that has been hunted to extinction. if you see one in a bookstore keep on walking, it's a mathematical certainty that she's taken.
@chris - don't give up just yet!
@Chris
Or they could be like me and have open relationships. Never assume!
My fav sex advice all year. So smart! So witty! Who knew?
Kinsey Scale is specialized armor, like Elven Chain. But only bisexuals can wear it.
"My girlfriend and I have been together five years, and things are getting a little boring. We’ve been thinking about role-playing to spice things up. Is this a good idea?"
YES and YES. That's always fun. The writer of this article has obviously never tried it.
The Kinsey Scale has to be the strength check stat for a character fighting an upper level Wizard... Especially, when they have a sheathed sword ready for the character of the same sex... Lol.
I agree DYI sex toys = bad idea... Especially when u can buy DND sex toys from online retailers.
Lastly, there are no mathematical certainties when you consider the human heart... Just remember to remain urself and play it smart when dealing with other ppl. If you have the charisma modifier to keep a conversation, mentioning stats and commenting on a book in someones hand is a great way to meet them... And subtlely looking at the finger on the left hand first, then tactfully slipping a question about status is always acceptable. I personally look for signs of commitment in clothingn jewlery, and body language then check by saying something like, "Wow, I'm suprised everyone isn't hitting on you." Compliments are a great way to make a decent first impression... Lol.
@dizzo - Hang on just a second, the writer of this article has helped compile questions from Nerve readers. I have to maintain a respectful journalistic distance; I don't comment on my own sex life until after two drinks.
While two-dimensional regular polygons approach a circle more closely the more sides they have, the closest approximation of a sphere in the regular polyhedra is actually the dodecahedron - the icosahedron is slightly pointier.
That being the case, d12s are a better choice than d20s for making anal beads (though I'm not entirely sure how wise homemade anal beads are in general.)
Oh whatever, you guys. I made my own anal beads out of the plastic goblins from the Citadel "Battle for Skull Pass" boxed set. Best sex toy ever.
Kate,
A friend forwarded this article to me on facebook because he thought it was me. I stared at you're picture and thought that someone stole a picture of me and pasted here. Please send me a on facebook because I SWEAR we're twins separated at birth. My name to look up is: rocketscientastic1
@chris
actually gamer girls are not all that rare. finding one that isn't out of of her fucking mind is another story.
At least that's a use for the d12's! but as soon as you get them stuck up your butt, your whole party is gonna roll up Barbarians with Greataxes...
Another caveat - don't assume that just because I have a few gray hairs doesn't mean I'm buying D&D stuff for my kids and grandkids!
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