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November 20, 2009
Paul, 25
What has being a D&D player taught you about dating or sex?
Despite the stigma and the social-plague-like symptoms that some less fortunate players exhibit, Dungeons & Dragons is a social game. You're not playing if you just sit quietly at the table. You have to be assertive, confident, and creative to contribute to the game and to fully enjoy yourself. A D&D session is just as much about shooting the breeze and being conversational as it is about rolling dice and raiding abandoned castles. So, like D&D, on the dating scene you can't be a passive observer. You have to be engaged, a bit aggressive, and more than a little imaginative or you'll never find the kind of fulfillment that you're after. Also, with sex, some days you're the knight and some days you're the dragon.
What's the best way to pick up a D&D player?
You'd pick up a D&D girl like you would any girl: Joss Whedon references and a high Charisma score. But really, it's an easy in. If you see a chick carrying around a Player's Handbook you've at very least got a conversation-starter. Just don't start in on how cool your half-elf ranger is. Something conversational like, "Have you played Fourth Edition yet?" or "Would it be creepy if I touched you?" Anything is better than starting off talking about your character. Trust me, if she's the one for you then she'll hear all about Prometheus Bladesworn later.
Does the couple that play D&D together, stay together?
Unless the guy's twelfth-level half-orc barbarian accidentally kills the girl's ninth-level Elf Sorceress, D&D is like any other hobby in a relationship. It's another thing in common. Something to talk about. Something to share. Something that both people (hopefully) have a passion for. However, couples playing couples at the table can get messy. You let real life seep into the session and suddenly the Ogre Mage goes unslain because Barbra the Druid is yelling at Steve the Paladin for not taking out the trash and wanting to talk about his feelings. So, as long as there is a healthy disconnect with your gaming life and your real life, everything is gravy.
My girlfriend and I have been together five years, and things are getting a little boring. We've been thinking about role-playing to spice things up. Is this a good idea?
Oddly enough, most D&D people (in my experience) don't take role-playing to the bedroom with them. It's actually something that hadn't occurred to me previously. Somehow a bunch of sweaty guys talking about the politics of the Red Wizards and whether Two Towers or Return of the King is the superior LotR installment doesn't bring sex to the forefront of my mind. Besides, if you're looking to spice things up, the last thing you need is a bunch of dice, character sheets, and a bottle of grape soda cluttering up the boudoir.
I'm sort of embarrassed to have my parents meet my current girlfriend. She's very artistic, loud, and doesn't censor herself. I'm afraid it will rub my conservative parents the wrong way. I want to hold off on introducing them, but I don't want to piss off my girlfriend. What should I do?
Having been in a prolonged relationship where my parents hated my girlfriend and vice-versa, I can say that you're better to get introductions out of the way early. Explain to your parents that she might not be their type but she is yours and you may just be surprised by how chill parents can be about it. And if they're not, then you know where you stand and can make an informed decision on how to proceed from there.
I've been seeing this wonderful guy for about two months. He's perfect in every way, except in the bedroom. The sex is awful, but I care for him a lot. What should I do?
Sex is a huge element to any relationship. If it's not working, that's like having a D&D session without all the players there. It just doesn't work the way it should. Sometimes people just aren't clicking sexually and even if everything else is right that one thing can foul up all the rest. Work together at it. Often women are far more vague than they think they are. Try giving him clear, straightforward direction. Men are good at that.
I think I might be in love with my best friend's girlfriend. I am ninety-nine-percent sure she does not feel the same way. But it kills me to see her with someone else. How the hell do I deal with this?
DON'T! DO! IT! Your best friend is your best friend. That's for life. With a divorce rate of fifty-percent in this country, don't ever, ever do anything bad to your best friend. Especially over a girl.
Article photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/justin/ / CC BY 2.0
Commentarium (39 Comments)
Aw, these guys are awesome. The girl is going to make a lot of D&D boys happy.
A female D & D player that revels in her geekery *and* is funny and charming. That's quite the catch.
"Often women are far more vague than they think they are. Try giving him clear, straightforward direction. Men are good at that."
My general experience seems to prove otherwise.
Wicked. Is Kinsey scale a D&D game?
Actually I think the Kinsey scale is the sharpness of your broad sword.
Dr. Alfred Kinsey... the famous biologist-cum-sexologist [no pun intended].
I bet he could've talked at length about, ahem, broadswords. ;)
it's weird to me that anyone would condone taking advantage of a drunk girl. flirting with someone doesn't give the other person the go ahead to force themselves on him or her.
What I've learned from this you can fashion anal beads out of 12-headed dice. If I knew that I would have gotten into D&D years ago. And this whole time I thought my D&D buddies were geeks but heck, no. Those cats know how to party.
For the longest time I was in the "D&D closet" — I didn't tell my boyfriend I was a gamer. After a while he got suspicious and asked why I was never available on Wednesday nights, so I had to 'fess up. Don't worry, the "other man" is an elf....
These geeks are pretty damn cool.
That is one of the cutest D&D gals ever.
"I am going to interpret your question literally and assume you are planning to fashion a string of anal beads out of the dice. A word of warning: they have slightly pointed edges that can cause discomfort. I would recommend starting with a d4 and working your way up." Wait, what? A d4 is a triangular pyramid (formed from 4 equilateral triangles), and a d12 is a dodecahedron. The d4 is going to have *much* more pointy-points than the d12. Wouldn't a d20 be even less pointy...? (Unless I'm missing some reference to feats; I haven't played much since 3rd edition came out.)
A d4??!!?? Are you crazy? That sounds incredibly painful. The d12 that you so quickly pan, on the other hand, usually has rounded edges unless ridiculous cheap. Frankly a d30 would probably be the best way to start out, as the edges are, due to the large number of faces, pretty oblique.
Whoops guess I wasn't the only one who thought that... EFB
You guys have put a lot of thought into which dice would fit best up a butt.
@joclyn Oh for Christ's sake, he didn't say "rape the girl the next she's inebriated" he said "next time she gets handsy, reciprocate". I know, he worded it in a cheeky manner because he was trying to be witty (and didn't pull it off) but his intent was obvious, even though his words weren't.
As for the idea of not getting with someone because they're drunk? Bollocks to that. No one does anything drunk that they didn't want to do when they were sober. So unless the girl is passed out in a drunken coma it's totally legit to play "Sheath The Salami" with an inebriated person.
It used to be that I dated geeky white boys, and the ones that were into D&D were ever so slightly better in bed than the ones who were, say, pure Linux geeks. After a couple of run-ins with autistic boys who neither knew, nor cared whether I was having fun, I swore I'd never date another one.
And then I fell in love with and married one. But, to be fair, he is really kind of awesome.
There are actually geek girls outside?
I knew it ! ^^
helpful text btw :)
I used to play a long long time ago in a land far far away...at least until I got divorced and my then wife went for one of the other guys in our gaming group...haven't played since because I couldn't find any anyone to play with...big sigh...she was an evil bitch from hell any way. c'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est l'amour
by the way...those were 1st & 2nd ed days...yeah, that long ago
to - jaclyn
Relaxed, no one said anything about forcing themselves on anyone else and it works both ways sister.
What a wonderful forum for a marginalized group! I feel like this article is a cultural milestone, dealing with one of the most mis-understoond minorities of our time. I love it! I just have one quibble with the advice, from the cute blonde one - DIY sex-toys, in my not-so-terribly-limited experience, are always, always a bad idea. That one's like plumbing or dental work - pay a professional. You'll be glad you did.
geek girls are a rare species that has been hunted to extinction. if you see one in a bookstore keep on walking, it's a mathematical certainty that she's taken.
@chris - don't give up just yet!
@Chris
Or they could be like me and have open relationships. Never assume!
My fav sex advice all year. So smart! So witty! Who knew?
Kinsey Scale is specialized armor, like Elven Chain. But only bisexuals can wear it.
"My girlfriend and I have been together five years, and things are getting a little boring. We’ve been thinking about role-playing to spice things up. Is this a good idea?"
YES and YES. That's always fun. The writer of this article has obviously never tried it.
The Kinsey Scale has to be the strength check stat for a character fighting an upper level Wizard... Especially, when they have a sheathed sword ready for the character of the same sex... Lol.
I agree DYI sex toys = bad idea... Especially when u can buy DND sex toys from online retailers.
Lastly, there are no mathematical certainties when you consider the human heart... Just remember to remain urself and play it smart when dealing with other ppl. If you have the charisma modifier to keep a conversation, mentioning stats and commenting on a book in someones hand is a great way to meet them... And subtlely looking at the finger on the left hand first, then tactfully slipping a question about status is always acceptable. I personally look for signs of commitment in clothingn jewlery, and body language then check by saying something like, "Wow, I'm suprised everyone isn't hitting on you." Compliments are a great way to make a decent first impression... Lol.
@dizzo - Hang on just a second, the writer of this article has helped compile questions from Nerve readers. I have to maintain a respectful journalistic distance; I don't comment on my own sex life until after two drinks.
While two-dimensional regular polygons approach a circle more closely the more sides they have, the closest approximation of a sphere in the regular polyhedra is actually the dodecahedron - the icosahedron is slightly pointier.
That being the case, d12s are a better choice than d20s for making anal beads (though I'm not entirely sure how wise homemade anal beads are in general.)
Oh whatever, you guys. I made my own anal beads out of the plastic goblins from the Citadel "Battle for Skull Pass" boxed set. Best sex toy ever.
Kate,
A friend forwarded this article to me on facebook because he thought it was me. I stared at you're picture and thought that someone stole a picture of me and pasted here. Please send me a on facebook because I SWEAR we're twins separated at birth. My name to look up is: rocketscientastic1
@chris
actually gamer girls are not all that rare. finding one that isn't out of of her fucking mind is another story.
At least that's a use for the d12's! but as soon as you get them stuck up your butt, your whole party is gonna roll up Barbarians with Greataxes...
Another caveat - don't assume that just because I have a few gray hairs doesn't mean I'm buying D&D stuff for my kids and grandkids!
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