Sex Advice From Emily Mortimer

On drunk hookups, lesbian crushes, and her weird love of Kid Rock.

By Danielle Gibson
 

This Friday, Our Idiot Brother opens in theaters. Emily Mortimer plays the rich, uptight sister to Paul Rudd’s stoned goofball. We sat down with Emily and talked to her about lesbian crushes, getting drunk, and her weird love of Kid Rock. 

Who's better in bed, British people or Americans?
That's a very difficult question to answer. But my husband is the best in bed in the world, and he's American. So I guess therefore American. 

I'm sure that will please a lot of our readers. So, I love my boyfriend — but he pretty much wants to hang out on the couch and smoke pot all day. That was cool when we were in college, but these days, I'm career-driven and trying to work hard. How can I get him to grow up? 
[laughs] I think it's quite difficult to get someone to stop smoking pot, in my experience…

Do you smoke pot?
I don't, because it disagrees with me. I mean, not for lack of trying; it's just not for me. I walk across the room and I can't remember how I've gotten there. I start getting paranoid that people think I'm boring. 

My girlfriend likes to smoke pot before we have sex. In fact, she doesn't really like to have sex without it. Am I right to be offended, or is that just what some people need?
I think that's just what some people need. It's whatever blows your hair back, right? Some people like to be high. I don't think you should take it personally. 

I don't smoke pot, but I have a hard time meeting people without alcohol. It's kind of hard to pick someone up without alcohol, wouldn’t you agree?
That's the English way of doing things! It's much easier. I mean, I never dated in America, so I never had to deal with that weird stuff that you guys get up to. But in England it was very easy — you would just get really drunk, and get off with someone in the back of the taxi. It was not a negotiation. In England you just hang out with a lot of friends and get very hammered and end up snogging somebody in the taxi on the way home. And if you don't like them, you didn't have to snog again, because you were drunk. 

What drink do you send to Emily Mortimer?
At a pub? Oh, it's been so long since I've been to a pub. It's so sad. I would have a say a gin and ginger ale. Or a pint of lager, and a whiskey chaser. 

I keep meeting beautiful and talented women in my office. Most people frown on dating at work, but to me it just makes sense; we have similar goals, similar interests and so on. Should I just take the plunge?
Oh, yeah. Date wherever you can. Life is hard enough without narrowing your options about where you can meet people. Why not? To me that seems much easier than going on some date with someone you've never met before and hoping for the best. At least at work, you know what you're getting into. I guess it's difficult then if it doesn't work out, but take it wherever you can get it, honestly. 

You met your husband on a movie set. Who picked up whom?
I invited him back to my flat, after we'd been to a Russian wedding together. I was giving a reading at this wedding, because I'd studied Russian in University. I had some Russian friends who were getting married in London, and he had asked me out for that night, but I told him about this wedding.

So he invited himself along and he held my hand in the wedding, and then went to the pub and got drunk, and then I asked him if he wanted to come back to my flat, which in England is what you do. It doesn't necessarily mean you want to sleep with someone. But apparently in America that means you're going to sleep with them. So he came back, lucky him, and started to kiss me, and I said, "Oh, I'm not sure about this, I just broke up with someone," which he thought was weird of me, because I had done the inviting. So then he said to me, "Don't worry, I'm not going to fall in love with you." At which point I took off all my clothes. 

You were like, "Oh, we'll see about that!"
"Yes, you bloody are." That was his pick-up line — "Don't worry, I'm not going to fall in love with you." It worked. 

So the Emily Mortimer move is to invite someone back and take all your clothes off?
My move is to get drunk. And then it's all a bit of a mess. 

Commentarium (33 Comments)

Aug 25 11 - 12:10am
notfromaroundhere

Hilarious! I'd watch any movie Emily Mortimer is in.

Aug 25 11 - 12:39am
matthew

She seems like a normal affable kind of person.

Aug 25 11 - 3:40am
AliceHatt

We have the same advice!

Aug 25 11 - 7:15am
M0ops

It's good to know that people with avian bone syndrome can still lead active lives. Good for you!

Aug 26 11 - 2:08am
Dee

I'm glad I'm not the only who was only thinking "I'm Phoebeee, remember me? Hollow bones?"

Aug 26 11 - 9:32pm
Litsa

Same! I love her whenever she's onscreen, but she was particularly wonderful in Season #1 of "30 Rock". Wonderful advice here, too: she seems game and playful but still insightful. Really liked this piece.

Aug 25 11 - 7:44am
lolwut

I'm in love. Normal, affable love.

Aug 25 11 - 9:26am
Jones'n

So she prefers to be all natural eh? I like some grass on the field, but really as long as it is clean and does not smell bad, I'm cool.

Aug 25 11 - 2:44pm
one two

Thanks for the input.

Aug 26 11 - 9:35pm
Litsa

Jones'n, she didn't say she didn't bathe--she just likes to go natural. Which was the default setting until 20 years and everyone still fucked like rabbits. It's not like the hair forms a webbed barrier.

Aug 30 11 - 3:16pm
Taelor

"Webbed barrier" made me laugh.

Aug 25 11 - 10:24am
michael22blue

No questions asked, this is the best celebrity Sex Advice ever! Very elegant and honest! Love it :-)

Aug 25 11 - 2:47pm
Melissa

Such a girl crush on this one.

Aug 25 11 - 2:47pm
mikee

Emily Mortimer, my secret crush. Seems shy and unsure on the outside, yet she's had such raunchy scenes in films, and her breasts and 'outstanding' nipples are the best!

Aug 25 11 - 2:54pm
JustBeatIt

Yeah, I rubbed one out to that scene in the movie. Me likes the busy full.

Aug 25 11 - 2:54pm
JustBeatIt

Sorry, bushy not busy.

Aug 25 11 - 8:30pm
M0ops

What about busy bush?

Aug 26 11 - 10:29pm
JustBeatIt

Doesn't sound like that husband is keeping that bushy, busy. His loss....always a girl's fingers.

Aug 26 11 - 1:20am
GeeBee

Been amazed by her for years. Check out her Scottish accent in "Dear Frankie" then her American voice in "Lars and the real girl" - both flawless performances. Doesn't hurt that she's also hot.

Aug 26 11 - 3:14am
Delia

So glad to see this, Emily Mortimer is pretty much the epitome of English cool. Maybe I should move to England, I like the "get drunk, worry later" philosophy she's upholding here.

Aug 26 11 - 10:41am
Kenzo

Sounds like she's down for some backdoor action....knew I liked her.

Aug 29 11 - 11:44pm
Tender Umbrella

Sigh. . . She's so lovely

Aug 30 11 - 8:54am
cl

Getting a man drunk to initiate anal sex is not a good idea. A very firm erection is needed to penetrate the relative tightness. Asking him ''Will you give it to me in my ass?'' usually works just fine. ''My ass is hungry for your cock'' usually works even better.

Sep 01 11 - 3:36pm
Jean Paul Funky

Yeah......in porn!

Sep 03 11 - 2:19am
zb

yes but perhaps she wants to do the penetrating?
perhaps the relaxing needs to be for his sphincter, not her's... that's where the alcohol comes in handy:)

Sep 03 11 - 12:28am
ChrisX

She's right except for the dating people you work with part. Jobs are too hard to find these days, it's not worth the risk.

Sep 03 11 - 2:36am
zb

I love this interview. I am about 125% American, and I never had that american teenager cliched experience, either. I agree that the mythology of it makes one feel as if she'd missed out. But I think that probably is part of the legend of it. My bet is that it's a narrow margin of kids that actually do have fabulous sexy experiences in their young adult lives. I also bet that adults that did have fabulous sexy lives at very young ages are not very interesting or sexy ten or more years later, what with the babies and divorces and 25+ extra pounds of beer fat. Maybe I'm just bitter, but young and hot is an accident and youth is wasted on the young. Ha! I can't believe that I am not even being sarcastic here. In the next installment I'll be telling you how I had to walk to school up hill in snow every day and I couldn't afford shoes. Fuck I'm old. The only thing worse that that, and less attractive... is being young.

Sep 08 11 - 9:20pm
cs

zeeb, it's nice to see someone else articulating these emotions! my teen years aren't too far behind me, but i feel like i lost something iconic and irrecoverable already. i hope you're right. then again, i hope people really do have great experiences sometimes, and their youths aren't overrated or wasted. it's sad to think about any experience being a fumbled accident or a waste. hopefully it all me

Sep 08 11 - 9:20pm
cs

ans something.

Sep 05 11 - 2:49am
Dannydix

I had a different initiation. At fourteen my mates mom asked could she touch my arm and exclaimed how wonderfully smooth and silky my skin felt.
Then she invited me inside and I fell out the door knowing waaay more about life than I had on the way in.
Over a few years she became my mentor and lovingly taught me many things about love and life and was delighted when she successfully advised me on how to talk to a girl I had a crush on, who was a few years older than me.
Once the girl and I became serious she kissed me one last time, asked me to remember her kindly and stepped away. Shortly she moved to a different state and I never saw her again, but I wouldn't trade those fond memories for the world.

Sep 07 11 - 8:32pm
LAP

Was this before or after you drank unicorn blood?

Sep 07 11 - 7:21am
kaufen Generika Cial

ktvMzo Stupid article!!!

Sep 13 11 - 2:27pm
Don

Fabulous in Young Adam and most of all in Match Point. That scene at the opera where she met, and fell for Ewen McGregor in two glances -- the first of detached appraisal, the second of contained lust. Great breasts too!