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Sex Advice From Equestrians

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Angela, 25

I’m a woman whose orgasms are much more intense when I’ve had a few drinks. Try as I might, I can’t replicate this feeling sober. Am I broken? And how can I achieve the necessary state of relaxation without the booze?
You’re not broken. Yes, it’s okay. But I think you need to practice without alcohol with someone that you really trust.

I’m a guy who has started dating someone who’s into leather and swinging. I want to get into this, but I have no experience. I ask for details on how to please her, but she rolls her eyes like I’m an amateur. How do I deal with this?
Don’t deal with it. If she rolls her eyes at you, she’s not worth it. She should be excited that you want to try it. That’s so rude. Move on.

I’m a guy who likes to go to strip clubs every payday to blow off some steam. I like to watch. I don’t spend that much money. Is this okay?
You need to seek help, because clearly you’re socially awkward and have no friends. When I get paid, I want to go out with my friends and get very drunk. That’s social. And you say that you’re not even spending that much money, so you’re not even a good strip club patron.


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I’m a guy. My female roommate walked in on me masturbating. I’m humiliated. We haven’t broached the subject since it happened last week and things remail weird between us. How can I relieve the tension?
She doesn’t want to talk about it, trust me. Pretend it never happened. Or just whip it out one day while you two are watching TV.

Are there any similarities between reining in a horse and reining in a lover?
You have to use a calming voice, and pet them. It’s all about reassurance. Let them know you want them as much as they want you.

If you had to bring something from the stable into the bedroom, what would it be and how would you use it?
Spurs. They usually help to egg a horse on without using too much leg pressure. I think it would have the same effect in the bedroom. Also, it’s damn sexy.

Tips for female masturbation? Any products, in addition to vibrators, that I could use to make it more enjoyable?
Porn. Watch lots of porn.

Dean, 25

I am a woman whose orgasms are much more intense when I’ve had a few drinks. I can’t replicate this feeling sober. Am I broken?
Honestly, I didn’t know sex was even possible sober. If you’ve found a way to better orgasms, then by all means pour yourself another shot.

What’s the biggest mistake people make in online dating?
Saying that you’re “up for anything”. If you say that, don’t be surprised when you get back to your date’s place, and she pulls on an elbow-length surgical glove and tells you to bend over.

I like to masturbate to online porn about an hour a day. Is that too much?
That’s like asking if three meals a day is too much. If it’s not causing blistering or job loss, feel free to pull it as often as you want or need to.

My female roommate walked in on me masturbating. I’m humiliated. Things are weird between us now. How can I relieve the tension?
Just make sure she always hears you washing your hands before leaving the bathroom, and never mention this again as long as you both live.

What’s the best date you’ve ever had, and how can someone replicate it?
I met a girl in a club, and she invited me to a party out in Pennsylvania. On the drive there, she explained that she was through taking all those “stupid pills” the doctor gave her. Fast forward a few hours, and she’s missing from the party. We find her curled up on the ground in a cornfield, wrapped in only a leopard-print shower curtain. For pure entertainment value, I’ve yet to beat that night. And if you’re looking to replicate it, just find yourself a crazy girl, a cornfield, and let her run wild.

If you had to bring something from the stable into the bedroom, what would it be and how would you use it?
Riding is one of the few sports where the equipment easily makes the transition to the bedroom. Whips, chains, boots, leather straps. They all work. I once bought a bunch of whips from a tack shop and sold them to a dominatrix at cost. It was half what they charge at a trendy West Village S&M boutique.

Tips for female masturbation? Anything, in addition to vibrators, I could use to make it more interesting?
Have you ever ridden a tractor?

Marie, 30

I’m bi and have been dating a woman for a few months now. I want to keep it casual, but I’m her first female partner, and she’s fallen in love with me. What should I do?
Just be upfront with her. Tell her how you feel, and if she still wants more from you, you have to break it off. It’s wrong to lead her on.

Here’s a horse-related question: My girlfriend read about pony play — dressing up as a horse and having me "groom," "whip" and "ride" her — and wants to do it. I think this is ridiculous. What should I do?
Find another costume that you would like. If the pony’s not good, he can go to a costume store and get something else.

If you had to bring something from the stable into the bedroom, what would it be and how would you use it?

Chaps! You would wear them. That’s totally sexy. But no helmet.

My boyfriend loves public displays of affection. He’s always grabbing for my hand and kissing me when we go out with our friends. I don’t want to be rude, but it’s bothers the hell out of me. Is this normal?
I don’t think it’s normal, but he’ll probably be offended no matter how you bring it up. Why are people so worried about what people think? Just say how you feel. You’re stressing for no reason.

James, 27

I’m a guy who has started dating someone who’s into leather and swinging. I want to get into this, but I have no experience. How do I deal with this?
Do internet research.

I’m a woman whose orgasms are much more intense when I’ve had a few drinks. Is it okay to get tipsy in the name of a good sex life?
Yes. Drinking is always okay.

My girlfriend said she has no sexual fantasies. Is this possible?
Probably. There’s boring people out there. Get her to read some books. She’ll come around.

I’m a single guy who likes to go to strip clubs every payday to blow off some steam. Is this okay or should I seek help?
I think that’s okay, because I’m a guy.

My female roommate walked in on me masturbating. I’m humiliated. We haven’t broached the subject since it happened, but things are weird. How can I relieve the tension?
Unless you were masturbating on the couch, there shouldn’t be any tension. If the room’s a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.
 


Interviews by Amelie Gillette.
Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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