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Sex Advice from . . . Female Fighters

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Molly, mixed martial arts fighter, 29
www.ncfightclub.com

What can the craft of competitive fighting teach us about relationships?
You win some, you lose some, and you have to learn to let go of negative feelings after a loss.

Wearing fight gear to bed: turn-on?
If we’re talking actual gear like gloves and pads, then no way — they stink from sweat. But many fight-gear companies make cute women’s clothes, so something like a Tapout thong and boy beater — no bra, of course — would be sexy.

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What song can go straight from the ring to the bedroom?
Anything by Nine Inch Nails.

I want my boyfriend to be more cultural. I’ve suggested wine tasting, trips to the museum, etc., but he’s not interested. How can I get him to broaden his purview?
Tell him you just made a new male friend who’s into all those cultural things, and since your boyfriend doesn’t want to do that stuff with you, you and your new “friend” are going out to the museum/wine tasting/gallery. That should make him want to tag along.

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks, and his friends seem to hate me. What should I do?
You can pretty much kiss your relationship goodbye if you can’t win his friends over. That’s almost worse than if his parents don’t like you, because you can’t pick your parents, but you can pick your friends. Think about why they hate you. If it’s something you’re willing to change, you’d better try to.

Is it ever okay to withhold sex as punishment?
Absolutely. There are no rules in love and war. Use what you’ve got while you can.

How can I be on the bottom, but still be the one in charge?
Grab a handful of hair and pull.

Lizzy, boxer, 26

Can fight gear be used in the bedroom?
I know someone who once wore their headgear during sex because it turned on their partner. I’m not sure if I’d be into that because I like to be as close to the other person as possible. You train hard, why cover your hot body up in bulky leather?

What’s the best skill to bring from the ring to the bedroom?
Stamina. No one likes a one-minute man (or woman).

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks, and his friends seem to hate me. What should I do?
It’s always important to make an effort. There’s a girl in my circle of friends who no one can stand, but we tolerate her for two reasons: she’s our friend’s girlfriend and we want him to be happy, and she makes a valid effort to try and get us to like her. Sometimes she even pulls through and becomes not-irritating.

My girlfriend likes to be on top, but I like to be the dominant one. How can I be on the bottom, but still be in charge?
Most women I know enjoy sex more when on top — it’s about physical enjoyment, not always a power trip. Just because you’re on the bottom doesn’t mean you can’t control the action. You can determine the pace and intensity and not always leave it up to her.

My friend is addicted to Craigslist missed connections. Should I hold an intervention?
It’s none of your business. As long as she’s not getting involved with abusive men or missing work to do drugs, she’s not hurting anyone. We all relate differently to the outside world, and this is her way of doing that. If you really can’t stand it, invite her out with you and some guys so she can meet someone face-to-face in a non-threatening situation.

Can I masturbate in a public bathroom?
Go for it. Just don’t get an infection, and make sure you’re not holding up a line.


Lisa, Muay Thai champion, 34
www.theblackwidow.us

How can becoming a fighter help me be a better dater?
We’re able to size up a person in a matter of seconds and get a feel for what we’re up against.

I work hard on my body, but my boyfriend doesn’t seem to appreciate this, and his body is really starting to sag. How can I let him know this is important to me without hurting his feelings?
Tell him you need a work out partner. If he declines, step it up a notch and explain to him in the nicest sort of way how much you enjoy looking fit, and in return you want a person who shares the same interest.

I’ve been dating this guy for a few weeks, but his friends seem to hate me. What can I do?
My first question would be, how do you know they hate you? Are they skeptical of all his girlfriends? Because if they don’t like you for no good reason, your boyfriend should be standing up for you and telling them to treat you with respect. If that’s not happening, you have two choices: ignore them and they’ll learn to accept you, or cut your losses before you invest too much time.

I was dating this girl for a short time, but it didn’t work and we went our separate ways. The other day I ran into her friend, and sparks flew. Can I let this friend know that I’m interested?
I am a big fan of not dating an ex’s friend — we’ve all seen the Heather Locklear/Denise Richards story. But if you’re cordial with your ex, you may want to see what she thinks about it before even approaching the friend. You’d be amazed at how much power your ex still has. He or she can make or break this potential fling — it’s better to be upfront and hope to get her blessing.

What’s the best way to pick up a fighter?
It doesn’t hurt to be at the gym all the time (training, not stalking).


Malia, Muay Thai, 36

My girlfriend likes to be on top, but I like to be the dominant one. How can I be on the bottom, but still be in charge?
Give her what she wants. Be thankful you’re getting laid. There are about forty billion books/videos/articles/discussion groups on this subject that you can research, and I bet they all tell you to get over yourself.

I have a crush on my massage therapist, and I think she likes me too. Should I let her know I’m ready for more?
A good massage therapist is way more valuable to have on your team. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize the current situation.

What’s the best move to bring from the ring to the bedroom?
Kick to the head? Knee to the gut? Right cross? They all seem a bit much.

What can the craft of competitive fighting teach us about dating and relationships?
Know when to strike and when to defend.

What song can go straight from the ring to the bedroom?
Metallica: "Enter Sandman."
 

Interviews by Chantal O’Keeffe. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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