Sex Advice From Fire Artists

BY NICK KEPPLER

Mariya, 29

How did you fall in love with fire art?

I used to backpack a lot and fire arts are more popular overseas than they are here. When I was in Australia, I randomly happened upon a class in my hostel, and I had a lot of fun doing it. Then, I was in Southeast Asia, and I saw a lot of performers doing it on the beach. 

What inspired you to found F.I.R.E, the online magazine for fire arts?
There was a print magazine for fire arts, but it fell off after three issues because it was too much work and too much money and not enough return, so I thought the web format could solve a lot of those problems. 

Do you find that being a fire artist is an asset or a burden in the dating world?
Definitely an asset, because it’s really hard not to come off as sexy when you tell someone you spin fire. If I am at a party and I am flirting with a guy, it’s an instant, “Oh really!” If I am interested, I can always invite someone to a fire show. How many people are going to say no to a free fire show?

What’s the best reason to date a fire artist?
[Muttering to herself]: Don’t say, “Cause we’re hot;” don’t say, “Cause we’re hot.”

 Look, there’s really no reason not to.

 

“I am a traveling circus performer. My boyfriend and I have a look-the-other-way rule for the six months when I am on tour (which goes for him as well). He wants to rescind it next season. He says we are too old and need to get serious. I love my boyfriend, but a big part of the reason why I love him is the freedom he gave me to hook up with circus groupies. I might break up with him. Does that make me a floozy or a bad person?”

Look, we performers are younger than what our driver’s license says because we’re active and push the envelope, but it might also mean we take longer to tame. A relationship is an amazing, fruitful, and inspiring thing and when you really want it, you want little else. Sounds like you don’t really want it. Just be considerate and give him some circus groupies’ numbers to soften the blow.  

“I am a guy and have an intense interest in getting married and having kids, within the next five years. I don’t have time for any non-serious relationships. How do I advertise this without seeming clingy and overbearing?”

No worries, there are countless clingy and overbearing women out there to match your needs. There’s nothing wrong with letting your intentions be known. They will come out eventually and they will turn women away until you find one who shares those intentions.  

“Whenever I meet up with my boyfriend all he wants to do is sit at home and watch Netflix. We live in a decent-sized city. How do I convince him It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia can wait and he should go out and do stuff with me?”

How much does he weigh and how much can you carry? Nothing strengthens a relationship better than the words “Does this smell like chloroform? … Surprise! We’re outside!” 

But seriously, there’s always the classic “I’m kind of unhappy.” He’ll ask why. Say, “You know I love hanging out with you anywhere, but I’d love a change of scenery now and again.” Or you can say, “I wanna go out so I can show you off.” Just continue calmly and don’t accuse.  

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