Sex Advice from Flight Attendants

Q: What are some tips for joining the mile-high club? A: Don't.

By Amanda Green

Megan, 34

Why are flight attendants better in bed?
Flight attendants tend to be better in bed because we have a flexible, open-minded attitude, You need an adventurous spirit to be in this line of work. I’ve done it for sixteen years and have seen the world and sampled many of the local offerings. Hey, you never know if you'll like something if you don't try it!

What are some tips for joining the mile-high club?
The mile-high club is highly overrated! Yes, I'm a member, but the airplane bathroom is a really uncomfortable, smelly, tight space. But if you must, make sure both parties are raring to go ASAP! Don't think no one is watching — you're on a ticking clock. Ladies or gentlemen should bend over the commode for doggie style. It's the least complicated and most comfortable, and you can play it off better while trying to escape unnoticed. Ladies should consider a skirt for easy access.

Besides asking for a beverage or not stowing my portable electronic devices, what's the best way to get the romantic attention of a flight attendant?
If you're interested in a certain trolley dolly, why not try to talk to her? (After service, of course.) On an average day, a flight attendant has seen and heard at least fifty bullshit stories, so a little sincerity goes a long way. Oh, and being non-compliant and a pest really just pisses us off and pretty much eliminates your chances!

If "the flight attendant" was a sex position, how would it work?
That’s a tough one. Based on my fondest memories, it would getting thrown against the wall near a hotel-room door by a significant other, while I’m still in my uniform. Some men really love that polyester.

I just started dating someone new, and she insists on taking it slow. Too slow! I like her, but am I a jerk if I dump her because things aren't progressing? How can I get her to move faster without being as asshole?
Are you and this girl monogamous? If neither of you are seeing other people, then usually around the third or fourth date, you're doing the horizontal mambo. If that isn't the case, and you haven't discussed it, I can see her hesitation. Is she religious? Just out of a commitment? If you were to dump her now without having "the talk", yup, you're an asshole.

I'm a woman, and my girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year. I still haven't met her family. I'm worried that maybe she's not out to them, so they don't even know about our relationship. What's the best way to bring it up without making her feel judged?
I hate to say it, but your girlfriend isn't out to her family — and if she's hiding her lover of over a year from them — what is she hiding from you? Do you really want to be with someone who hasn't come to terms with her sexuality? Tread carefully on this one, but I would explain that if you plan on sharing your life with this person, it's important to know all the people in her life. If she resists, cut your losses and bolt.

My ex and I broke up a year ago, but he randomly sent me a birthday card with a gift certificate. I think he's just being nice, but I know my current boyfriend might see things differently. I'm going to keep this a secret, but I'd like to ask my ex not to send me more gifts. Is that the right thing to do?
I've had this problem with my ex-husband. The bottom line: your ex isn't "being nice." He basically realizes he fucked up a really great thing, misses you, and wants to get naked with you again. Don't tell your current squeeze about the gift, because he will tell you what I'm telling you. You need to chat with the ex and explain that this is inappropriate behavior. If you accept these gifts, you need to realize that the price may not be worth it.

I found a picture of my brother's girlfriend on a dating site for lesbians. Should I tell him?
I don't envy you in the least. I would speak to my brother immediately, but make sure you have all the proof at your fingertips. The longer they’ve been together, the more complicated and overall unpleasant it becomes. The girlfriend appears to have issues to sort through, and it doesn't need to be on your brother's time.

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but lately, we've been having less sex. What do you think might be going on? How can I kick our sex life back into gear?
Something's up, and it isn't his penis. He could be under pressure or depressed. But, experience has taught me that if a man isn't having sex with you, he's doing someone else. In either case, you have needs, too! When he walks in the door, wear nothing but a smile, send naughty text messages, role-play, or invest in kink. If you're not doing the humpty dance after these efforts, hire a private detective to find out who he’s screwing.

Commentarium (13 Comments)

Jan 04 11 - 2:33am
notfromaroundhere

Megan is great.

Jan 04 11 - 2:52am
nope

"Just explain that she's turning you off — that should get her to stop. Or tell her you don't want the neighbors to hear, if that doesn't work."

Oof, is that terrible advice or what? Way to give some girl a whole bonus pack of insecurities.

And on the other hand: "Yes, you are a jerk. Obviously, you're not into the girl for her sparkling personality. Since you can have sex with anyone, leave her heart intact and go do that instead."

Jesus Christ, wanting sex in a relationship does not a jerk make.

Jan 04 11 - 8:21am
es

@nope, If sex is the only thing the guy cares about, then yes, it does a jerk make - at least, if he stays with the girl who is clearly in it for more.
There are not enough details provided in the question, but it sounds like the people in that relationship are on completely different pages. Some people like to wait with sexy stuff until they know the other person and their own feelings better, which may be the girl in this case, while some others consider sex to be a given with any relationship start-up.
If these two people stay together, they will probably have issues with aligning their basic attitudes, one being more conservative than the other.

Jan 04 11 - 12:09pm
Moop

So the reason to not join the mile high club is because flight attendants will know and will talk about it? Isn't the hole point of joining the mile high club to brag about it? If you are going to fuck in an airplane bathroom, odds are you are thrilled the attendants know.

Jan 04 11 - 12:22pm
Greg

I've never understood the mile high thing. Flying really sucks now. I don't even want to pee in that tiny bathroom.

But seriously, wow. Who knew flight attendants were still so sexy?

Jan 04 11 - 12:23pm
Greg

Trying to leave a comment and can't, but loved this! Mile high sex is so gross.

Jan 05 11 - 2:36am
zip

Re: the brother's girlfriend on a lesbian dating site thing: maybe he chooses not to discuss his bisexual open relationship with his sister. The best thing sis can do is probably to not respond to the ad, that could turn out badly.

Jan 06 11 - 12:10pm
ashtray

i always try and remember to refuse beverages on flights shorter than 2.5 hours so i don't have to go in the scary piss closet.

Jan 17 11 - 5:48am
AA

The girlfriend could be on a lesbian dating site because they're trying to find a third for their relationship. Not cool, but not surprising either.

Jan 18 11 - 2:51pm
j

I think that yeah people can have different views on when to have sex for the first time, but if you've gone on more than five dates and you don't know if you're going to, that's weird. You should be moving in that direction. If not, stop wasting each other's time.

May 24 11 - 11:05am
TFT

One of us used to fly constantly on business. Events: 1. persistence and the advice of having a casual fun conversation in the galley pays off, especially on a long flight. While other passengers are dozing you are ding some gentle flirting. Act smart, they've heard every line in the book. These folks do lead exciting lives but real human interaction can be limited. This led to a 3 day stopover and other trolley ladies stopped by to "see what the fuss was about." Don't make the attraction public, just be polite and let the lady or gentleman do their cabin business. 2. If there is an attractive person esp. in first or business class who seems attracted to you and you likewise, the fact that there is a delay or an equipment failure means get on the phone and see if there is a nice hotel nearby. Or, what actually happened was that there other person booked the hotel, looked me in the eye and said, "Are you going to get rerouted or are you coming with me." 3. If you treat two or more attendants well and are genuinely interested in them and they in you, we're here to tell you they'll invite you to their hotel and share. Fun was had by all and even a boyfriend of one joined in. We have much respect for the airline folks and learned that they are always under pressure so treat them courteously and respectfully always! It makes you feel good and they will help you out even if a dalliance is not on your mind. It's just the right thing to do!

Sep 07 11 - 7:21am
Cialis Rezeptfrei

nPW0Mw Yeah, it is clear now ... From the very beginning I did not understand where was the connection with the title .....

Apr 09 12 - 9:46am
lailaakter

Dropping 2 pts yesterday will surely provide a boost in hopes for the Barca side.
As long as we're not getting all 3 pts, they'll feel that they have a
chance to catch up...just when they're beginning to feel psychologically deflated.

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