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Sex Advice from Flight Attendants
Q: What are some tips for joining the mile-high club? A: Don't.
By Amanda Green
Why are flight attendants better in bed?
Flight attendants tend to be better in bed because we have a flexible, open-minded attitude, You need an adventurous spirit to be in this line of work. I’ve done it for sixteen years and have seen the world and sampled many of the local offerings. Hey, you never know if you'll like something if you don't try it!
What are some tips for joining the mile-high club?
The mile-high club is highly overrated! Yes, I'm a member, but the airplane bathroom is a really uncomfortable, smelly, tight space. But if you must, make sure both parties are raring to go ASAP! Don't think no one is watching — you're on a ticking clock. Ladies or gentlemen should bend over the commode for doggie style. It's the least complicated and most comfortable, and you can play it off better while trying to escape unnoticed. Ladies should consider a skirt for easy access.
Besides asking for a beverage or not stowing my portable electronic devices, what's the best way to get the romantic attention of a flight attendant?
If you're interested in a certain trolley dolly, why not try to talk to her? (After service, of course.) On an average day, a flight attendant has seen and heard at least fifty bullshit stories, so a little sincerity goes a long way. Oh, and being non-compliant and a pest really just pisses us off and pretty much eliminates your chances!
If "the flight attendant" was a sex position, how would it work?
That’s a tough one. Based on my fondest memories, it would getting thrown against the wall near a hotel-room door by a significant other, while I’m still in my uniform. Some men really love that polyester.
I just started dating someone new, and she insists on taking it slow. Too slow! I like her, but am I a jerk if I dump her because things aren't progressing? How can I get her to move faster without being as asshole?
Are you and this girl monogamous? If neither of you are seeing other people, then usually around the third or fourth date, you're doing the horizontal mambo. If that isn't the case, and you haven't discussed it, I can see her hesitation. Is she religious? Just out of a commitment? If you were to dump her now without having "the talk", yup, you're an asshole.
I'm a woman, and my girlfriend and I have been dating for over a year. I still haven't met her family. I'm worried that maybe she's not out to them, so they don't even know about our relationship. What's the best way to bring it up without making her feel judged?
I hate to say it, but your girlfriend isn't out to her family — and if she's hiding her lover of over a year from them — what is she hiding from you? Do you really want to be with someone who hasn't come to terms with her sexuality? Tread carefully on this one, but I would explain that if you plan on sharing your life with this person, it's important to know all the people in her life. If she resists, cut your losses and bolt.
My ex and I broke up a year ago, but he randomly sent me a birthday card with a gift certificate. I think he's just being nice, but I know my current boyfriend might see things differently. I'm going to keep this a secret, but I'd like to ask my ex not to send me more gifts. Is that the right thing to do?
I've had this problem with my ex-husband. The bottom line: your ex isn't "being nice." He basically realizes he fucked up a really great thing, misses you, and wants to get naked with you again. Don't tell your current squeeze about the gift, because he will tell you what I'm telling you. You need to chat with the ex and explain that this is inappropriate behavior. If you accept these gifts, you need to realize that the price may not be worth it.
I found a picture of my brother's girlfriend on a dating site — for lesbians. Should I tell him?
I don't envy you in the least. I would speak to my brother immediately, but make sure you have all the proof at your fingertips. The longer they’ve been together, the more complicated and overall unpleasant it becomes. The girlfriend appears to have issues to sort through, and it doesn't need to be on your brother's time.
My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but lately, we've been having less sex. What do you think might be going on? How can I kick our sex life back into gear?
Something's up, and it isn't his penis. He could be under pressure or depressed. But, experience has taught me that if a man isn't having sex with you, he's doing someone else. In either case, you have needs, too! When he walks in the door, wear nothing but a smile, send naughty text messages, role-play, or invest in kink. If you're not doing the humpty dance after these efforts, hire a private detective to find out who he’s screwing.