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Sex Advice from . . . Foodies

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Rachel, 26, food blogger
www.thepainfuldiner.blogspot.com

How can my boyfriend and I integrate food into our sex life?
Food is sexiest as a seduction technique: cook a meal together, whisper suggestive comments about the ripe figs in the produce aisle, order champagne and oysters, make a show of sloppily eating your mango.

What can I eat to make my come taste better?
Anything sweet will work. Think fruit like pineapple, strawberry and mango, fruit juice and sugary hard candy in large doses.

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I don’t have enough money to take my rich girlfriend on a date. What can we do that’s cheap and fun?
Why don’t you go down on her for the afternoon? Take her out for a coffee and ask why her favorite city is Madrid, or just listen to her talk about her day. Last time I checked, most women thought the best things in life were free anyway.

They say you should eat fish before taking a test. What’s a good food to eat before sex to enhance performance?
That depends on the person. For me it would be something simple from a favorite restaurant. That, and a Jack and Coke with lime would be perfect. But to be honest, I think it’s more fun to eat afterwards, once you’ve built up an appetite.

What’s the quickest way to get a foodie in the sack?
People love when their dates take an interest in their interests. If your date loves Moroccan food, find an obscure but excellent Moroccan restaurant they’ve never tried. If they want to cook for you, bring wine and give them lots of compliments on their cooking. Just do your research. Effort is sexy.

What should I not do?
Don’t express your love of chain restaurants, and don’t refuse to try something new without a good reason such as a food allergy. Dining manners totally count: don’t race through your meal if your date is a slow eater and don’t be rude to the wait staff.

Can I discern my date’s sexual prowess by how they eat?
There’s a saying: “Never trust a skinny chef.” In the same vein, I strongly recommend that you say no to sex with a picky eater — anyone who has long lists of things they will and will not eat, and how, where, and when they’ll eat it. It’s not rocket science to connect that how someone acts in day-to-day life shows what kind of lover they’ll be. I want someone who takes pleasure and enjoyment out of all aspects of life, including food, drink and sex.

Jason, 36, founder of eGullet
www.egullet.com

Krikket What should I eat before sex?
My wife, Rachel, says vegetarians’ semen tastes sweeter, and people in the Far East say that Westerners and Americans smell like meat because we eat so much meat protein. Eating a balanced diet of a lot of vegetables with your meat will make you smell nicer and taste better.

How can I tactfully ask my one-night stand if they’ve been tested for HIV without spoiling the mood?
It’s a touchy subject, but in this day and age I think the question should definitely be asked before intercourse. Get comfortable early. Make some sex jokes over dinner, and start talking about how you have to be careful about the people you go out with these days. Say, “I’ve been checked, I get tested.” That’ll prompt the other person to bring it up.

How can my boyfriend and I integrate food into our sex life?
Eating is a very sensual experience, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that food is a good sex toy. I don’t think cucumbers or bananas are particularly good implements. There are professional sex toys out are there you can buy from retailers that are dishwasher-safe. I’d recommend using small items, like pieces of fruit, blueberries or cherries when they’re in season, and just feeding each other.

My boyfriend has a demanding new job and is frequently too tired for sex. Should I accept this as true, or does “too tired” virtually always mean “not interested?”
You know, today people have to work longer hours and when they get home, sometimes they’re tired. What you need to do is nail him in the morning before he goes to work. Right before breakfast.

What are the rules for sex with a drunk person? If I’m on a first date with someone and they get drunk and want sex, am I obligated to say no?
I don’t think there are any rules. They probably wanted to do that in the first place. Either they realize that their judgment is going to be impaired, or they want to lower their natural inhibitions.

I can’t afford to take my rich girlfriend to fancy restaurants. What’s a good idea for a cheap date?
Pasta was invented for a reason: it’s incredibly cheap to make at home. All you need to make fresh pasta is a cookbook, good flour, good eggs and water. And with spaghetti you can do the whole Lady and the Tramp thing. Or, in nice weather you can go apple picking or strawberry picking.

Gordie, 18, baker at Granville Island Market
www.granvilleisland.com Claire

My girlfriend dresses suggestively, prompting other guys to ogle her on the street. Am I wrong for letting this bother me? How can we reconcile this?
You’re probably wrong. If you trust her, why shouldn’t she be able to look that way? You should want guys to look at your girlfriend. Would I make my girlfriend wear a sweater? No way. You want to wear that low-cut thing, go ahead.

My boyfriend is too quiet during sex. How can I get him to relax and make some noise?
Tell him that you won’t moan if he doesn’t. Make it a fair trade, like a reward system.

I’m pursuing a foodie. Any tips?
Don’t have a beard. Food can get caught in a beard.

How can my girlfriend and I integrate food into our sex life?
Put one of those baby watermelons between her breasts, then eat it off of her like Total Recall.

If I’m on a first date with someone and they get drunk and want sex, am I obligated to say no?
It depends how drunk she is. If she was hinting at it before, by all means, it’s your duty. But if she just starts wanting to get rough after a couple of drinks, save it till the next date.

Gord, 45, restauranteurMatt
www.bin941.com

Can my date’s eating habits help me discern their sexual prowess?
As much as you want to be kinky, lets face it: manners are manners. When you’re in bed with somebody, there are no manners. But when you’re sitting there watching somebody eat and they’re shoveling mouthfuls of food into their mouth, it’s a turnoff. You have to have some eloquence when you’re eating. Food is foreplay.

How can my boyfriend and I integrate food into our sex life?
Chocolate is the most practical food to use in sex. Add some cream and make what’s called a ganache (pronounced like snatch). Melt one part chocolate to half the amount of cream over low heat, and stir it continuously because otherwise the chocolate will split.

What’s a good food to eat right before sex?
They say that men should eat cinnamon the night before they get a blowjob. It’s supposed to make your sperm taste sweeter.

How about a food that’s an aphrodisiac?
You know, all these aphrodisiacs — oysters, ginseng — don’t do anything for me. I’m thinking an eight-ball and some crushed up Cialis. The thing about food is that it has texture, so it’s all about feel and taste. When I cook for someone, there’s always a little bit of creaminess, a little bit of crunch and a little bit of sweetness, so the mouth is always feeling something completely different. It’s more exciting that way.

What’s a good date for me to take my rich girlfriend on that won’t cost me a fortune?
I have a king-size bed and that’s free. And I’ll make breakfast afterward.   


Interviews by Lisa von Sturmer. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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©2006 Lisa von Sturmer & Nerve.com, Inc.