Advice

Sex Advice From Freegans

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Q: Does a potential romantic partner of yours have to be a freegan? A: No, but they have to be down with eating food from the trash.

MoMo, 24

What's the best reason to date a freegan?
Most freegans are both resourceful and adventurous. They have an ability to adapt and find the good in situations that are otherwise just a dump.

How can I pick up a freegan?
Try cruising your local dumpsters and alleyways. Stop shopping in stores and start checking out the local anti-capitalist scene where you live. Frequently, anarchists and other radicals are freegans, or they know some.

Does a potential romantic partner of yours have to be a freegan?
My potential romantic partners have to be vegan or freegan or really tolerant of the freegan/vegan lifestyle. Anyone who gets grossed out at the idea of eating trash or making out in a dumpster will probably never be my primary partner.

What's your idea of the perfect freegan date?
The perfect freegan date would be a combination of scavenging and then enjoying the spoils of the scavenge. Ideally, we’d would have a bike with a bike trailer or a tandem bike to take dumpstering. When we’d get to the dumpster, it would be full of smoothies and vegan sausage and pasta. That would get us hot. After some hot making out on a pile of tortilla chips in the dumpster, we’d have hot, sweaty, nasty sex.

If "the dumpster diver" was a sex position, how would that position work?
If the dumpster diver was a sex position, it would involve the person being penetrated while bent over and out of the dumpster door. The person doing the penetrating (note that gender has nothing to do with these roles, folks — strap-ons are awesome) is inside the dumpster and fucks the other person from behind. It's a hot position, because the dumpster opening gives both people the leverage they need to get their pleasure how they want it.

My new boyfriend recently asked me to share my email password. When I told him I didn't think it was necessary, he said I either don't trust him or I'm trying to hide something. It's neither of those reasons! What should I do? Is it normal for couples to share passwords?
Your new boyfriend is trying to manipulate you into feeling guilt over something totally reasonable. It’s not normal for couples to share passwords, and it’s not okay that he’s trying to convince you to reveal that private information. I would be highly suspicious of this person. Especially if he’s a new boyfriend. I would break up with him.

I've gone on a few dates with this girl, and I really see the possibility of a relationship. My only concern is that I haven't told her I'm bisexual and that I've mostly been with guys before. How do I tell her without upsetting her or even worse, making her think I should just be with a dude?
The best way to communicate is simply to communicate. Let her know at some private time that you are bisexual and have mostly been with guys. She has a right to know, and you have a right to date someone who is okay with that. Better to cut your losses now than waste time on an unhealthy relationship that will fall apart down the line.

I'm really attracted to one of my co-workers. We recently got drunk at a work event and hooked up. I didn't know he was seeing someone else at the same company. I'm pretty sure his other work hookup knows or suspects something. What's the least awkward way to clear the air?
I would talk to the person you hooked up with. Let him know that you did not know he was involved with someone else, and that you would not have hooked up with him had you known. If he seems upset and apologetic, I would leave it at that. If he is being a jerk and not telling his partner because he wants to get away with it, I would go and tell his partner so she understands the situation. The main problem with cheating is that it exposes people to the risk of STDs without their consent. Because of situations like these, I’m a huge proponent of polyamory and good communication.

I'm about to enter a long-distance relationship my girlfriend's moving away in two weeks. Do you have any advice for keeping the love alive from opposite coasts?
Polyamory. Don't try to be monogamous long distance. It rarely, if ever, works.

EricEric, 24

What's the best reason to date a freegan?
For starters, freegans love food and have tons of it! All the freegan folks I know are really good cooks, and you never know what their fridge will be stocked with at any given time. But most important, you can be certain your freegan date will always have a bit of fringe and an adventurous side.

How can I pick up a freegan?
Go dumpster diving at night! I run into friends of mine all the time out dumpstering, and I’ve met new ones that way, too. Alternatively, ask a freegan you're into to show you the ropes or go dumpstering with you. It's exciting and fun, and you'll both be kind of loopy by the time you're home divvying up the loot. Pro tip: most upper-class grocery stores that stock fresh flowers also throw them out at night!

Does a potential romantic partner of yours have to be a freegan?
No, but they have to at least be down with anti-capitalism and eating food from the trash. One of my favorite things to share with my partner is making and eating meals. If they were bent on bringing their own hermetically sealed microwave baked potato to the table while I'd whipped up a perfectly good red-pepper-mushroom dumpster bisque, I'd probably feel like the relationship didn't have potential.

What's your idea of the perfect freegan date?
If your first freegan date is going out looking for trash together, the follow-up should definitely be cooking and eating the rewards! When dumpstering, you often get a ton of the same ingredients at the same time. Have an Iron Chef potluck-style picnic!

If "the dumpster diver" was a sex position, how would that position work?
There are too many bad answers to this one. Yeasty muff diving? Oral involving bug chasing or infected pustules? Rimjobs with foodplay? It'd be something dirty, regardless!

My new boyfriend recently asked me to share my email password. When I told him I didn't think it was necessary, he said I either don't trust him or I'm trying to hide something. It's neither of those reasons! What should I do? Is it normal for couples to share passwords?
Talk to your partner about why he wants to go through your email. His saying you don't trust him or insinuating you have something to hide aren't reasons. In fact, it sounds like he doesn't trust you. Giving in here will only help establish a pattern of non-trust and invasiveness. He's probably just insecure about something or somebody, and that's the real issue that needs addressing. I personally don't put up with that level of insecurity or manipulation in my relationships — I get enough of that Patriot Act kind of horseshit from the government.

I've gone on a few dates with this girl, and I really see the possibility of a relationship. My only concern is that I haven't told her I'm bisexual and that I've mostly been with guys before. How do I tell her without upsetting her or even worse, making her think I should just be with a dude?
Fuck hiding your sexuality! You don't have to respect other people's discrimination against queerness. If she's offended by your bisexuality, then she isn't for you. That said, you don't have to make a big deal out of your tendency to be with male-bodied folks. Focus on your relationship together.

I went out with this girl a few times, and things didn't click. After our third date, I stopped calling. Since then, she's been leaving rude posts on my Facebook wall every few weeks. Should I ignore her, or do you think this is a more serious issue?
If she's being rude but not threatening, and you don't feel comfortable talking with her about it, just ignore her. Or defriend her — that'll stop the messages. Those people eventually go away… at least until they show up at your house with a pickaxe. I don’t know. I always keep a five iron or baseball bat by the front door. Try your local sporting-goods dumpster!

My best friend has asked me to help her come out to her conservative parents. I've met them before, and they assumed I was her boyfriend. Should I help my friend and do what she wants, or is this family business?
Ask your friend how she feels most comfortable coming out to her parents. Be clear about what you're willing to do and let her know she has your full support. Unless she wants you to take the lead, encourage her to start the conversation herself. But if she does want you to bring it up, then by all means, disillusion her parents at the first convenience. It's going to be a long and difficult night, but that's what best friends are for!

I'm about to enter a long-distance relationship my girlfriend's moving away in two weeks. Do you have any advice for keeping the love alive from opposite coasts?
Move! Or keep really good communication over phone, letters, and the internet. The easier way would be to just dispense with the whole possessiveness/jealousy/codependence-based monogamous-relationship model. Go polyamorous and just be happy when you or your partner finds someone else nice. There's less pressure, and when you do talk or visit each other it'll be way more positive and pleasant.

Kayla-DeanKayla-Dean, 20

What's the best reason to date a freegan?
Freegans are very big into adventure. It's never boring. Also, free vegan food? Makes sense to me.

How can I pick up a freegan?
Go anywhere there might be free food, or hang out in a dumpster or in dark alleys.

Does a potential romantic partner of yours have to be a freegan?
Yes, because I love cooking and most of the food I make comes from the dumpster. They have to be okay with that. Also, it's important to have someone to do your "late-night grocery shopping" with you. There's a lot of food, and I could use the help carrying it.

What's your idea of the perfect freegan date?
A picnic on some roof with all of our dumpster treats. There's nothing more romantic than sharing food with someone, especially food you both worked hard to obtain. You can find a lot of romantic food by dumpster diving, such as perfectly good sushi, sometimes half-finished bottles of wine, and plenty of donuts for dessert.

If "the dumpster diver" was a sex position, how would that position work?
It would involve sneaking around at night, moving from place to place and getting dirty, obviously. Maybe it could involve yogurt? The dumpster-diver position would be closely related or often mistaken for the "loco hobo" sex position.

I'm really attracted to one of my co-workers. We recently got drunk at a work event and hooked up. I didn't know he was seeing someone else at the same company. I'm pretty sure his other work hookup knows or suspects something. What's the least awkward way to clear the air?
Be upfront with both parties. First ask the person who you were intimate with what exactly their relationship is with this other person and what kind of relationship they are interested in having with you. Once you find that out, approach the other person and honestly explain what happened and what that person told you. See where it goes.

I went out with this girl a few times, and things didn't click. After our third date, I stopped calling. Since then, she's been leaving rude posts on my Facebook wall every few weeks. Should I ignore her, or do you think this is a more serious issue?
If she's really upset and confused, you shouldn't leave her hanging. Just be honest and tell her that it didn't click. If she keeps harassing you, she's probably crazy and you should block her.

I'm about to enter a long-distance relationship my girlfriend's moving away in two weeks. How can we keep the love alive from opposite coasts?
You should send care packages with baked goods, love notes, crafts, pictures, and maybe some other risqué things. When I was in a long-distance relationship, I would talk to my partner via Skype. Not only did we get to talk face-to-face, we got creative and could be intimate on there, as well. I really enjoy being read to, so my long-distance boo read me stories over the phone before I went to bed. If you want to, you can read some erotic tales.