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Sex Advice from Gay Dads
In honor of Gay Pride Week, we tracked down some unconventional families.
By Amanda Green
Joe, 45, father of two
What's the best way to pick up a guy who has a kid?
I don’t think you pick up a guy with kids. I think you pick up a guy who happens to have kids. Most single gay dads wouldn’t invite another person into his kids’ life until things are serious.
What if you see a hot dad at the park with his kid?
You can ask questions about the kid — how old he or she is, what parks they like to go to — talk about your kids if you have them, etc. The dad’s going to think you’re either interested in him…. or that you’re a kidnapper.
I lost my job and had to move back in with my parents. Do you have any tips for handling the awkwardness of sex and dating under my parents' roof?
Parents — even the open parents — don’t really want you to have sex in their house. My partner and I still don’t sleep in the same bed at my mother’s house. And we’ve been together fifteen years. And yes, we do still have sex sometimes.
I don’t feel so bad about my situation then. Since I’m single and childless, my parents just assume I don’t have sex.
Let them keep living the dream.
Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Sure. If you’re not turned on or you’ve got to get out of the situation, just fake it. Sometimes it’s not the right time for sex, but you don’t realize it until you get into it. But I’d like to go on record: I’ve never faked it.
My girlfriend isn't out to her parents, so we have to hide our relationship. I love her, but I know we won't grow as a couple if we can't both be open about who we are. What should I do?
Everyone comes out in their own time and has a different comfort level. If you really love her, you’ll support her and maybe help her come out. A lot of people don’t come out to their families, because they’re not in a relationship. Then when they get in one, everyone rushes them to come out. Don’t rush. Support your partner and whatever decision is best at the time. If it doesn’t feel healthy for you to be with her in a closeted relationship, then you can decide what’s best for you. You can stay or leave the relationship.
I'm dating this girl who's an amazing lover, but a horrible kisser. How can I give her some remedial kissing lessons without making her feel bad?
It’s such a sensitive issue. When I met my partner, he had adult braces, and I remember freaking out about what we couldn’t do because of them. I think you can give pointers like, “Can you be more gentle? I really like when you kiss me like this…” The other person is supposed to be making you feel good.
Does kissing even matter if the sex is good?
Kissing’s the first part of foreplay. You can’t always just have sex.
I got drunk and hooked up with one of my closest friends. I don't know if he remembers it, and it meant nothing to me. Do we have to talk about it?
You don’t have to talk about it. But if you notice it’s become an issue and it’s changed your relationship, you should. There’s a reason you hooked up. You can’t blame it on the alcohol, because sometimes being drunk just makes you truer to who you are. There might be a desire there. You can say, “I had a nice time, but we shouldn’t do that again. How do you feel?”
My boyfriend left me when he found out I was cheating. I don't blame him, but there's a problem: all my sex toys are at his place. What's the protocol? Can I ask for them back?
No. Cheaters never win. Don’t cheat and leave your toys at your partner’s place.
Are you going use your toys with your new partner? You don’t give your new puppy your dead puppy’s toys, right? It’s time for some new ones. He probably threw them out already, anyway.