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Bill, 47, father of five
You have five kids?
Between my partner and me, yes. I have two; he has three. We’re the Gaydy Bunch.
Why are dads sexy?
Gay fathers have had to take care of someone other than themselves. We’re sensitive and caring in the bedroom. We let our partner come first.
Literally or figuratively?
What's the best way to pick up a guy who has a kid?
Compliment the child. Tell him how pretty the baby is, no matter how ugly it is. Or go online. I’ve been to gay-father support groups, but they’re mostly sad. And if you go to a bar, you get the drunk dads. I found my husband online.
My boyfriend and I want to have a kid. I think, given how many kids don't have homes, that it makes sense to adopt, but he says he wants our kid to be one of ours, genetically. Only one of us could be the donor, and then I worry one of us would feel less close, or left out. What should we do?
No matter what, you’re going to love the baby. I have a blended family, and I love my partner’s children like they’re my own. You can mix the sperm together and then use it to inseminate the surrogate so you won’t know who’s the biological father. Or you can adopt. Maybe pursue both avenues and see which one pans out first.
What's your best piece of fatherly relationship advice?
There’s no such thing as safe sex. There’s only safer sex.
I lost my job and had to move back in with my parents. Do you have any tips for handling the awkwardness of sex and dating under my parents' roof?
Don’t do it under your parents’ roof. If you do, make sure you’re quiet. But seriously, go somewhere else. Do it in a car or anywhere else. Your parents don’t want to know about your sex life.
Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
It’s difficult for a guy to fake that. For a woman, I’m on the fence. Once you do it, when do you stop? So I’d say no. You have to be honest with yourself and your partner.
The other gay dads I’ve spoken to think it’s okay to fake it, if you’re having sex and looking for an out.
When you have to escape, there’s something wrong with that situation. You shouldn’t worry about the other person’s feelings. Just say, “You know what? I’m done.”
My girlfriend isn't out to her parents, so we have to hide our relationship. I love her, but I know we won't grow as a couple if we can't both be open about who we are. What should I do?
I don’t think a relationship between someone who’s out and someone who’s closeted can work. You can’t deny the existence of somebody you love. The person who’s out plays second fiddle. That doesn’t work in a long-term relationship.
I got drunk and hooked up with one of my closest friends. I don't know if he remembers it, and it meant nothing to me. Do we have to talk about it?
Yes. If you don’t talk, it’ll fester and become toxic. Bring it up. You may have ruined your friendship, but maybe not. See if you can move on. If one person is in a relationship, you have to tell the partner.
My boyfriend left me when he found out I was cheating. I don't blame him, but there's a problem: all my sex toys are at his place. What's the protocol? Can I ask for them back?
If I were the boyfriend, I’d do something to those sex toys. And my ex wouldn’t want them back.