Advice

Sex Advice From Grandparents

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Darlene, 73

Sleeping with someone young enough to be your grandchild: good idea or bad idea?
I can’t even imagine it! As a high-school English teacher, I observed several teachers, both male and female, who were ephebophiles. These adults who used their platforms as a means to seduce teenage youth were perhaps emotionally damaged themselves. Teenagers should have concerns and interests other than sex (particularly with an adult) to move them through those turbulent years. Sexual activity by teenagers leaves life-long indelible scars — even with people their own age — multiply that by several hundred when they are “used” and “abused” by an adult.

What sexual insights do you have now that you didn’t have when you were in your twenties?
In your twenties and thirties, hormones are in high gear. Diminishing sex drive paves the way for other interests and pursuits. My husband is eighty-five; I am seventy-three and thanks to testosterone shots and Viagra we maintain an active sex life. Massage, sensual touching and affection are an important part of our personal life. There are some who cling to a view of themselves, their bodies and sexual abilities long after these have shifted into another gear. Perhaps their brains failed to keep pace with their diminishing abilities or perhaps their development was truncated or they are in denial.darlene

Who’s better in bed: younger men or older men?
Younger.

My long-term boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore. It might be because he works all the time. How can I rev things up in bed?
My first husband was great in bed when he got around to it — which was about once a month. Since every couple has a totally different issue, no one suggestion is going to work. Couples therapy would be beneficial if you can get him to go. (Men shy away from therapy.)

What qualities should a women look for in a man? And vice-versa?
My husband and I both have high intellectual curiosity, so that is a major part of our attraction for one another. We are also both very social and have a great number of friends, his, mine, and ours. To answer your question, common interests, similar temperament and similar education and lifestyles.

How much about a person’s sexual past should they reveal to their current partner?
Certainly any possibility of STDs needs to be shared. Otherwise, the past is the past and intimacy is a private matter between the two people involved. Privacy needs to be respected even if it is long past. This is a third marriage for both my husband and me. We have never discussed the intimacy that was part of our other relationships.

What is a sure-fire dealbreaker in a relationship?
Criticism, sarcasm, put-downs, an unequal view of money, interests and social life are relationship killers.

Phil, 70

Sleeping with someone young enough to be your grandchild: good idea or bad idea?
Terrible idea! First, you probably can’t get it up or keep it up! Secondly, great sex is about great communication. Lack of communication means lackluster sex and certainly the absence of any true intimacy. Emotional maturity, intelligence, common sense, and the ability to carry on conversations are more important than big breasts, white teeth and a tanned body.

How is the sex drive of older people different from the sex drive of younger people?
In my younger years I could treat a woman like a thoroughbred racehorse. Work her hard and put her away wet. As we age, sex is more about outercourse than intercourse. Exploration, humor and experimentation are essential for exciting and vibrant sex. Satisfying sex does not focus exclusively on thrusting flesh while abandoning the rest of the body. It involves hugging, kissing, caressing, conversation and yes, sometimes a well-placed vibrator.

Who’s better in bed: younger women or older women? phil
Younger women may be a tad tighter but experience always triumphs. Older women have the experience and the anatomical understanding of the male’s handy gadget and know how to make the gadget work to their best advantage. Also, older women see attractiveness in character and loyalty and are more patient.

What sexual insights do you have now that you didn’t have when you were in your twenties?
In my twenties, sex was always bim, bam, thank you, ma’am. Now, it’s linger, play and be appreciative. I also realized that if I give a woman what she wants, chances are good that I’ll get what I want.

My long-term boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore. It might be because he works all the time. How can I rev things up in bed?
There is no question that work can have an adverse affect on time for and interest in intimacy. I suggest planning for a long overdue vacation even if it’s just a weekend away. Think of the excitement you’ll feel in planning time together, creating sensual surprises and making the time together all about him. Set the stage and enjoy sex in other places besides the bed.

If we run out of lube, what’s a good alternative that we could find in the house?
Expensive Italian olive oil. It tastes good, too!

What is the best sex advice you have ever given your grandchild?
Learn about your own sexuality and body before you attempt to understand the sexual make-up of someone else. Be sure to fully acquaint yourself with both yours and your partner’s genitals. Be prepared to accept responsibility for your actions, sexual or otherwise. Always use protection.

Susan, 60

Sleeping with someone young enough to be your grandchild: good idea or bad idea? Why?
What do you have in common with this person? How can you communicate? Bad idea. Also, very young men are inept in the lovemaking department. It takes years to learn pacing and control.

Who’s better in bed: younger men or older men?
Older men have no fear of premature ejaculation or “wilting” at an inopportune moment because they take Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, or some other ED medication. The lasting power is phenomenal. They can play seemingly forever before getting down to business. This gives them great confidence. Younger men are more focused on the orgasm. Older men want the complete experience.susan

My long-term boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in sex anymore. It might be because he works all the time. How can I rev things up in bed?
Sex toys and lingerie. At dinner slip him a note that says, “I’m not wearing panties.” Greet him wearing Saran Wrap. Buy a leather bustier and black, fishnet, thigh-high stockings. Buy some warming lubricant and offer to demonstrate it.

My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him in bed, but I don’t know how. What should I say, exactly?
Tell him how what he’s doing feels to you as he’s doing it. Call him Superman, the man of steel. Talk about his physical attributes — how big he is, or how great his balls are.

What qualities should a women look for in a man? And vice-versa?
Character, kindness, sense of humor, intellect, consideration, and generosity. That holds true for both sexes.

What is a sure-fire dealbreaker in a relationship?
If a man is cheap, or his clothes look like an unmade bed, or if he neglects personal hygiene.

What is the best sex advice you have ever given your grandchild?
Wait. An unplanned pregnancy can ruin your life. It’s not worth the momentary pleasure. If you can’t wait, use a condom. Carry them in your purse if you have to, but never, ever have unprotected sex.