Advice

Sex Advice From Computer Hackers

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Q: “Sometimes I have very ‘intimate’ videochats. Can someone hack that?” A: “Short answer: yes. Long answer: Hell yes.”

Mikey, 23

What's the best reason to date a hacker? 
We have soft hands from typing all day.

Sometimes I have very "intimate" videochats. Is it possible for someone to hack my sexy time? 
Of course, but it would have to be deliberate, and it’s very unlikely. I used to hack people’s webcams in the glory days, but it was always premeditated and relatively sophisticated. If you don’t know any hackers that want to fuck with you on that level, I wouldn’t worry about it. 

My roommate, who's usually pretty shy, has a new boyfriend, and they are having tremendous — and tremendously loud — sex. I don't want to be a killjoy, and the last thing I want to do is ruin some really fun sex — but it's really, really loud. What's a good way to bring it up?
Masturbate really loudly while they’re having sex. Cry when you're done. You don’t have to say anything and they won’t want to encourage you. It’s a total win/win.

My girlfriend needs a vibrator to get off — and her preference is to use it while we're having sex. I love lady orgasms, I want her to get off — I don't want to be the guy who feels threatened by a little toy. But I do. Do I just need to get over it, or can I ask her to take a break for a while and let me try to get her off by myself?
I’d try to get over it, dude. If you want to get her off, treat her to some oral sex. You can’t compete with how quickly and consistently a toy can vibrate, but you can still give her things that toys can’t offer.

My girlfriend wants to make a homemade porn and it sounds hot. I am afraid, however, that someday, somehow it's going to end up on the internet. Should I go for it? 
If the only thing holding you back is the fact that it may end up on the internet, just put it on an external hard drive or an extra SD card. It won’t be stored on your computer, so no one could find it or upload it themselves. If it’s a matter of trust, however… well, follow your gut. 
 
My girlfriend wants to pose topless for a magazine. They approached her and she’s flattered. I don’t want to be an asshole but I want her to say no. Am I crazy for not wanting a bunch of guys checking out my girlfriend? 
I can see why you might feel awkward about it, but you could also use it as a way to be proud of how hot your girlfriend is. Obviously, I wouldn’t show everyone, but there’s no reason to be ashamed or jealous if someone stumbles across it. If she’s down to do it, let her. And let me know where I can find it. 
 
Sometimes when I'm out with friends, I flirt and don't bring up the fact that I have a girlfriend. I'll let it go as far as possible without cheating. Is this wrong? 
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a good time, but if you feel guilty or two-faced, cut the shit out. Personally, I may flirt a little but then quit when I realize I may be leading someone on. Make sure you’re fully aware of your intentions. 

I just got a girl's phone number and I'm nervous about asking her out. Should I call or text her? 
Kick it old school and call her. It takes more confidence to do that and is much more personable. Also, I’d leave a voicemail so she knows your number. Asking her out via voicemail sounds kind of cheesy, but I guess it depends on the situation. Just do what I do — do a thousand pushups in about a minute, call her, and become a champion. 

My new boyfriend recently asked me to share my email password. When I told him I didn't think it was necessary, he said I either don't trust him or I'm trying to hide something. It's neither of those reasons! What should I do? Is it normal for couples to share passwords? 
I think it’s normal if there’s a reason, like if they’re logging in by proxy to check an e-mail for you. Just sharing passwords for no reason and throwing out trust-issue accusations seems manipulative. On a side note, if you don't want to share your password for either of the reasons I just mentioned, maybe you should tell him your reason. I’m a big fan of honesty and integrity. It looks good on you.

Richard, 25

What's the best reason to date a hacker?
It's hard to think of any, but you'll never have to worry about your electronics not working, be it phone, computer or just about anything else. You'll also have to be comfortable with sharing your man’s heart, time and attention with a machine. If you can handle that, go for it!

My girlfriend doesn't realize that she saved her Facebook password on my computer at home and that I can log in whenever I want. I suspect that she's been cheating but I feel conflicted about logging in to investigate. Should I go ahead and do it?
Sure, if you're ready for the consequences. There's a certain adrenaline rush you get when perusing data you aren't supposed to see. This is true of your partner's 'private' info or a corporation’s user database. You've got to decide if the risk is worth the heartbreak of finding out is she's cheating or the guilt that may come if she's not.

I met a guy on an online-dating site and we've been talking a lot. I really feel a connection to him but he lives in LA and I live in NY. Can long-distance online relationships ever work or am I being delusional?
Have you met? Do you plan to? Would either of you move to be near the other? If you answered no to any of those questions, I'd say you're delusional. Online relationships are usually an escape from the drab reality of our own loneliness. You know there's no real chance for anything to come to fruition but you still fantasize like you're jacked into the love-matrix. In short, they usually don't work out — and the pain when they don't is all the same — so why bother?

My roommate, who's usually pretty shy, has a new boyfriend, and they are having tremendous — and tremendously loud — sex. I don't want to be a killjoy, and the last thing I want to do is ruin some really fun sex — but it's really, really loud. What's a good way to bring it up?
Buy some quality headphones (Beats by Dre are great), open up your favorite fap site, and leave them be. Don't go preaching to her about anything because if you were with someone you'd likely be doing the same thing. I've been on both sides that situation, and it's an unspoken roommate rule that you just deal with it.

My girlfriend needs a vibrator to get off — and her preference is to use it while we're having sex. I love lady orgasms, I want her to get off — I don't want to be the guy who feels threatened by a little toy. But I do. Do I just need to get over it, or can I ask her to take a break for a while and let me try to get her off by myself?
You're better off than you think. Some girls can't even orgasm, period, toy or no toy. I'd say you should just get over it and be happy you're not the guy who's stuck with his hand.

My girlfriend wants to make a sex tape, and it sounds hot. I am afraid, however, that someday, somehow it's going to end up on the internet. Should I go for it?
Absolutely. On top of it being fun, there's nothing like a bunch of compromising photos when she leaves you for the next guy.

Sometimes I have very "intimate" videochats. Is it possible for someone to hack my sexy time?
Just about anything can be hacked, but I doubt anyone with that skill-set is interested in your sexy time.

My girlfriend wants to pose topless for a magazine. They approached her and she’s flattered. I don’t want to be an asshole but I want her to say no. Am I crazy for not wanting a bunch of guys checking out my girlfriend?
Topless only? Go for it! Why are you hiding her from the world? Just think, every girl you've ever checked out in a porn or topless mag is likely someone’s girlfriend, daughter, mother, sister, aunt, etc. She's obviously not a disgusting troll if she was approached — you'd be doing millions of virgin nerds a solid.

I keep getting dumped or blown-off by guys I meet online. My self-esteem is taking a huge hit. Am I right to be bummed, or are online relationships more superficial by nature?
While finding a guy on the internet might land you a pretty smart geek, you might also be talking to some fat sixty-year-old in Russia. If you need a confidence boost, jump over to your local LAN/gaming center and I promise you'll have more virgins undressing you with their eyes than you can shake a USB stick at.

I just got a girl's phone number and I'm nervous about asking her out. Should I call her or text her?
Call, text, email — as long as you don't blow her off for a session of World of Warcraft, I'm sure she'll be okay with your preferred method of contact.

My new boyfriend recently asked me to share my email password. When I told him I didn't think it was necessary, he said I either don't trust him or I'm trying to hide something. It's neither of those reasons! What should I do? Is it normal for couples to share passwords?
Not giving it to him will likely just make him more and more suspicious that you're hiding something and eventually he'll likely break in anyway. If you really have nothing to hide, then what's it going to hurt?

Rory, 28

What's the best reason to date a hacker?
Well, aside from the obvious perks (free tech support and reliable, plentiful income), hackers tend to be resourceful people that don't like being "bested" by a problem/issue. Plus, there are short-term benefits that are non-sexual in nature: you'll never have to pay for music or movies again.

Sometimes I have very "intimate" videochats. Is it possible for someone to hack my sexy time?
Short answer? Yes! Long answer? Yeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss!!!

The easiest two means of having your sexy time spied on are probably WiFi "sidejacking," or the person on the other end saving what they're seeing from you and either wittingly or unwittingly sharing it with others. Make sure that you're doing so on a WiFi network protected with WPA or WPA2 and a long, nasty passcode.

My girlfriend doesn't realize she saved her Facebook password on my computer at home. I suspect that she's been cheating but I feel conflicted about logging in to investigate. Should I go ahead and do it?
I'd probably keep that up my sleeve for later use. Spying doesn't need to be a negative thing, you know. You could use that for good. You could find an interest of hers that she hasn't shared with you and exploit that for maximum effectiveness in, say, gift-giving. You could also be respectful and just erase her saved password. In either case, remember, the only good subterfuge is undetected subterfuge. If you do log in and read all of her private stuff, that's something you will have to live with, so I'd just leave it alone for now. If she ends up cheating on you with your best friend or something, you could do some good retribution damage later on.

My roommate, who's usually pretty shy, has a new boyfriend, and they are having tremendous — and tremendously loud — sex. I don't want to be a killjoy, and the last thing I want to do is ruin some really fun sex — but it's really, really loud. What's a good way to bring it up?
Awkward!  I don't think there's an especially great way of bringing it up. Maybe turn up some music when you hear them to the point of them being able to hear it. That should get the point across. You could always just confront your roommate directly — no shame in being adults about an adult topic. 

"So how are things going with <boyfriend's name>?"
"Good! I like him a lot!"
"Yeah, I can kinda tell — you guys are pretty loud during your, uh, (with air quotes) 'intimate time.'"

As long as you say it lightheartedly, and not angrily or like you're disgusted or weirded out, I think you'll find your roommate receptive and hopefully minimally embarrassed.

My girlfriend needs a vibrator to get off — and her preference is to use it while we're having sex. I love lady orgasms, I want her to get off — I don't want to be the guy who feels threatened by a little toy. But I do. Do I just need to get over it, or can I ask her to take a break for a while and let me try to get her off by myself?
I don't see the problem, here. In fact, I'm kind of jealous. Having "gadget lust" myself (for things like power tools and tech gadgets), I could definitely see this as a fun way to experiment and try new gadgets and such. Find a way to turn this situation into a mutual one. Talk to her about it, too. You're not doing yourself or your partner any favors by not making your intentions and feelings clear. It sounds like you found a mate that "faps" (internet slang for masturbation) — which is definitely better than having a mate who doesn't.

My girlfriend wants to make a homemade porn and it sounds hot. I am afraid, however, that someday, somehow it's going to end up on the internet. Should I go for it?
It's just too easy nowadays for data to end up in places you don’t want it to. There are entire websites devoted to that sort of thing — movies of naked people filmed under the pretense that it "probably won’t fall into the wrong hands."  See if she'll consider doing it while wearing a mask of some sort — like in Eyes Wide Shut. That's the best compromise I can think of.

Sometimes when I'm out with friends, I flirt and don't bring up the fact that I have a girlfriend. I'll let it go as far as possible without cheating. Is this wrong?
It's not "cheating," though if you're so bored with your current relationship that you still have the need to flirt with others, maybe you're better off not in a relationship — or at least not a serious, monogamous one.

My new boyfriend recently asked me to share my email password. When I told him I didn't think it was necessary, he said I either don't trust him or I'm trying to hide something. It's neither of those reasons! What should I do? Is it normal for couples to share passwords?
I wouldn't even go so far as to consider the content of my mail account and whether or not it's "all right" for the person asking to be reading it. The fact that he even asked for such a thing would set off an alarm for some serious control/trust issues. Unless you're very committed to this person already, I'd bring up that you're worried about him and his apparent control and/or trust issues. The whole "you're just trying to hide something" is manipulative tripe, and will only deter you from thinking about what's actually the issue: his or her control/trust issues. Don't fall for it.