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Sex Advice From Haunted House Employees

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Sex Advice From Haunted House Employees

Q: Why is a haunted house a good first-date spot? A: Like they say, fear is a good motivator.

Jerald, 31

jeraldWhy is a haunted house a good first-date spot?
In general, intense experiences bring people closer — and being shocked and terrified definitely qualifies as an intense experience.

Have you ever caught any customers going too far or fooling around, when they thought no one was looking?
No. But, I did see a guy piss his pants once. I guess he'd say we went too far.

What's the best way to pick up a haunted-house employee?
Catch them when they're on a break, and ask them to tell you more about how they prepare for this kind of role — most of the crew members in a haunted house are actors, and we never miss an opportunity to self-promote or be the center of attention.

I know my boyfriend is cheating on me. I can't prove it yet, but I am certain. Will it put my mind at ease if I tail him for the day?
Whether your boyfriend is cheating or not, you need to get a grip. Just because he might — and I stress might — be a shallow cad, doesn't mean you have to become a crazy stalker. Just ask him to his face if he's cheating. If you don't believe anything he tells you, then cheating isn't the issue, trust is.

My best friend started dating my ex. Should I be supportive of their new relationship, or write them both off as jerks?
Ask yourself: are they happy? Just because you and your ex didn't work out doesn't mean that your friend and your ex won't either. Aren't we all someone else's ex?

My girlfriend was approached by a porn producer. She's always been a bit of an exhibitionist, but I can't believe she's actually considering the offer. Am I wrong not to want my girlfriend to bang other guys for a few bucks?
Before you get too excited, just think how cool it would be to tell your friends you're dating a porn star.

I kept quiet after my girlfriend told me she loved me during sex. Now, she won't even look at me. Is there any way that I can undo what I did… or didn't do?
No, you're pretty much screwed. I imagine she's told all her friends by now too, and they, in turn, told their friends. Your best bet: either say it in a really big way or dump her just to avoid any more grief.

Malcolm, 36

Why is a haunted house a good first-date spot?malcolm
A teacher in high school used to tell me that fear is a good motivator. I think it works the same at a haunted house. One minute you're screaming, the next minute your head is buried in your boyfriend's shoulder.

What's the best way to pick up a haunted-house employee?
The first step would be to buy a ticket. You can't ask me out if you've never met me.

My boyfriend broke up with me in a very public, very embarrassing manner. Naturally, I'm plotting my revenge. Any suggestions?
I have a friend who dragooned some folks from her improv class into showing up at her ex's job and staging elaborately embarrassing situations for him in front of his co-workers. After the "police" arrested him on his lunch break for "statutory rape," she felt they were even. So, you could do that.

My best friend started dating my ex. Should I be supportive of their new relationship or write them both off as jerks?
Forget them both! What kind of friend dates your ex? I know it's tough to lose both a love and a friend, but look at it this way: you're killing two birds with one stone.

I kept quiet after my girlfriend told me she loved me during sex. Now, she won't even look at me. Is there any way that I can undo what I did…or didn't do?
The only way that you can set this right is by returning the favor — the sooner, the better — and add in some kind of grand gesture for good measure.

Recently I met a guy on a dating site. I wanted him to like me so I sent him a picture of myself when I was much slimmer. Now he wants to meet and I don't know what to do. Help?!
Email him or call him right now and set the record straight. Apologize for misrepresenting yourself, for assuming he's only concerned about a person's looks, and send him a current photo. Beyond that, all you can do is hope he understands.

Last week I had sympathy sex with a coworker going through a bad breakup. This week he keeps asking when we're going to hook up again. How can I let him down without destroying his confidence?
You can't, so accept that now. But what you can do is come up with a very believable lie to spare his feelings.

Have you ever caught any customers fooling around when they thought no one was looking?
Not that I know of… but the lights are out, so all I can say is I hope not.

Rachel, 24

Why is a haunted house a good first-date spot?rachel
It's a good place to find excitement, but in a relaxed environment. You can go in a group or in a couple — it's just fun experiencing the production together.

I kept quiet after my girlfriend told me she loved me during sex. Now, she won't even look at me. Is there any way that I can undo what I did… or didn't do?
First you need to ask yourself, "Why didn't I say anything?" Is it because you were taken by surprise, or because you don't share her feelings? You can't determine whether or how to apologize before you know why you did it in the first place.

My best friend started dating my ex. Should I be supportive of their new relationship or write them both off as jerks?
You already knew your ex was a jerk, but it's tough finding out your friend is one too. Just be happy you found out. Better to lose a bad friend than to keep one.

My boyfriend broke up with me in a very public, very embarrassing manner. Naturally, I'm plotting my revenge. Any suggestions?
Revenge might be the most common response to a bad breakup, but it's also the most destructive. Instead try to reflect on what went both right and wrong in the relationship. You'll be better off in the long run if you take this opportunity to better yourself, not get even.

Last week I had sympathy sex with a coworker going through a bad breakup. This week he keeps asking when we're going to hook up again. How can I let him down without destroying his confidence?
You could always take a page from his book. Tell him that you're going through a breakup too and while you were happy to find comfort with him that one night, you're not ready to start something just yet. Think of it as a version of the "it's not you, it's me" speech that he can relate to.

Great news! My crush just broke up with her boyfriend! How long should I wait before I make my move?
If you want to win points with her right now, just be supportive and willing to listen. If she feels like she can trust you, she might be open to more. Just don't try to take advantage of her because she's going through a breakup.

Have you ever caught any customers going too far when they thought no one was looking?
No and I hope never to — talk about ruining a good time for everyone else.