Not a member? Sign up now
Sex Advice From Hawaiian Surfers
What’s the best way to hit on a surfer on the beach? “You have huge muscles and a big piece of wood.” Wait, are surfboards made of wood?
Tourist point of view or local?
Let’s do both. Tourist first.
Start by having an opener, like, “Hey, can you tell me where to go? What’s happening tonight?” If you’re a local, ask if they have any extra wax you can use. It’s a little white lie, but in the end it’s all about breaking the ice.
I can’t swim, or even hold my breath underwater. I’m also not very athletic and not very willing to try. Are we completely incompatible?
That’s more of a reason to get you on a surfboard and take a risk. That builds trust. Trust is a good way of establishing friendship, and if you’re in danger of drowning, you’re in good hands.
How would you coerce me into surfing lessons?
I’d show you some techniques on the sand without even getting in the water.
That sounds so sensual.
Then we could go a little bit out within standing distance and give it a try.
How is surfing like sex?
They’re both very physical and emotional; you get into the moment. You lose track of the time, and at the end of the day, you get tired and want to sleep, or hungry and want to eat.
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months, and we're really happy. The other day though, he told me he loved me. I froze, because it was so unexpected, and then said, “Thank you.” After I thought about it, though, I realized I do love him. How can I repair the damage of my surprise answer?
I’d say "love" is a little bit overrated: it’s used so often that “Hello” practically has more substance behind it. If you take away the titles, the labels, having that trust, that friendship between you, it doesn’t matter whether you say it or not. I prefer not to say it at all, because then the one time I say it, it actually means a lot. So if you want to mend this situation, sit down and talk. One of the weirdest things nowadays is how everyone’s texting. Everyone is antisocial. Technology is great, but people don’t know how to look each other in the eyes and talk.
My girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in what she was wearing. She actually has gained some weight recently, and so I used the opportunity to gently tell her. Bad idea. Not only is she still angry, but I seem to have seriously affected her confidence, to the point where she doesn’t seem to be enjoying sex lately. How can I reassure her?
As kids you’re always taught to lie. Your dad tells you that when Mom asks you, “Hey, how do I look?” you say she looks all right even if she doesn’t. That little white lie will sometimes save you the drama, the headaches: words can do a lot of damage. But you can also suggest little things to help her look and feel better. Work out with her. Go to the gym together. Be a friend that way to her, be active.
I’m dating a bunch of different guys right now, though none of them are very serious. Recently, one guy hinted that he knew I was playing the field. Does he want to be exclusive? Or is he displaying weird signs of jealousy? Do I need to be honest with everyone I’m dating that I am a serial-dater?
Well, it depends on the guy. You would have to take him to a bar and see how he reacts when other people say “Hello” to you. It’s like acting, playing out a scene. Body language can teach you a lot about a person whether he is jealous or not. In women's eyes, jealousy can be a good thing — a reassurance — but but at the end of the day, you don’t want a stage-five clinger.