David, 30

You look scary: shirtless, surfboard, tattoos. Oh my. What’s the best way to hit on a surfer on the beach?
You know what? You just have to talk, you never know.

 I can’t swim, or even hold my breath under water. I’m also not very athletic and not very willing to try. Are we completely incompatible?
No! It depends on other areas too, if you know what I mean, and what you’re looking for.

So you’re not looking for someone with a similar lifestyle?
You never know who you’re going to click with. I’ve been with all kinds of women.

How would you coerce me into surfing lessons?
I’d probably take you tandem — two people, one board — and help you all the way through it. When you feel comfortable enough, then you could probably take a lesson.

Would you make me wear a life vest? Would that be a big turn-off?
No, it wouldn’t. If you were by yourself, about to catch a wave, I might make you wear a life vest.

When I was little, I was sure that my uncle’s Sex Wax was something dirty. Do you ever use toys in the bedroom?
I am the toy.

Batteries included?
I’m an Energizer bunny.

How is surfing like sex?
[Whistles] Well… you do get a mean rush from surfing. There’s a mean rush from sex too, but a different kind.

Does being a surfer in Hawaii get you laid more than the average dude?
I wouldn’t say so. I do meet a lot of people, but I don’t sleep with a lot of people. If I see someone I like, I don’t just jump in bed with them. If you get to know somebody, it's more enjoyable.

I’m dating a bunch of different guys right now, though none of them are very serious. Recently, one guy hinted that he knew I was playing the field. Does he want to be exclusive? Or is he displaying weird signs of jealousy? Do I need to be honest with everyone I’m dating that I am a serial-dater?
Not unless he comes straight out and asks. Just tell him you’re dating a bunch of guys casually: it doesn’t mean you’re sleeping with all of them.

Oh. I thought that was implied when I said “dating.”
Oh.

What’s the nicest way to reject someone you’re not interested in?
Let them go in for a kiss, and then make it the worst one of their life. Don’t move your tongue, just lay it in their mouth. Then they’ll reject you, and you can begin a happy platonic relationship.