Advice

Sex Advice From Home Brewers

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Juliette, 23

What’s the sexiest beer to brew?
Double cream stout, because you get double the head with a creamy finish.

What’s the best way to pick up a home brewer?
Show him your hops and grab his barley.juliette

What has brewing your own beer taught you about dating?
More yeast doesn’t mean better sex.

I’m gay, and my boyfriend’s been hanging out with a woman who says she has feelings for him. He says not to worry, but she’s aggressive. I know he’s been with women in the past. What should I do?
To quote my little brother: sometimes you just gotta slap a ho.

My boyfriend noticed I stopped coming as hard, and he has been trying different tricks to help me come. It’s fun and all, but now whenever I get close, I get nervous that my orgasm won’t be “big enough” and lose it entirely. How can I orgasm again?
You’ve got to prime the keg before you pump it.

I hooked up with a friend’s boyfriend. . .twice. I’ve liked this guy for the longest time and the sex was amazing, but now I feel like an asshole. Is there any way for me to get with the boyfriend and have it be okay?
You’re already an asshole. You might as well get some good sex out of it.

What’s the best tool of the trade to bring into the bedroom?
The funnel. No explanation necessary.

Chris, 25

What’s the best way to pick up a home brewer?
Keep a tasting diary and whip it out unannounced while talking to beer aficionados. This is a surefire way to pique their interest. “I detect a hint of coriander on the nose. And a hint of you…in my pants.”chris

What has brewing your own beer taught you about dating?
That passion and adventure in the process are the most crucial aspects. Most beer geeks are very good at putting time and effort into what they do…I’ll leave it at that.

My boyfriend noticed I stopped coming as hard, and he’s has been trying different tricks to help me come. It’s fun and all, but now whenever I get close, I get nervous that my orgasm won’t be “big enough” and lose it entirely. How can I orgasm again?
Bedroom anxiety is a bitch to deal with and affects both men and women equally, in many different contexts. Ask yourself if an earth-shattering orgasm is that important to you every time, or if it’s simply something you want to do for your boyfriend’s sake. If you need it, then maybe your sexual compatibility is wavering, which, unfortunately, there’s no real cure for. More likely is that your boyfriend’s under the impression that he needs to make you come (hard) for it to be considered “good sex.” I worry about the same thing, but this mindset puts a lot of pressure on him and you, making what should be an enjoyable, natural, sensual act an obligatory, focused, and stressful situation. Sit down, think it through, and reassure him (if it’s the case) that you don’t want him to think he needs to get you off every time for you to enjoy being with him. The O’s are sure to follow once you get back in the swing of things.

I think food and sex could be fun, but I don’t want it to get too messy — what should I try?
I’m particularly fond of liquor. Dabbing a few drops of whiskey or rum where you want to be kissed or licked can be very sensuous and makes for easy clean-up. If you’re looking for a slightly more satiating snack, though, I’d go with Jell-O. It’s jiggly, cold, relatively easy to handle, doesn’t leave you too full to make with the sexin’, and will not stain your sheets.

My girlfriend stopped waxing. How can I ask her to start again?
Asking a girl to start tearing out the hair around her hoo-ha for your personal preference is a delicate issue. If she stopped because it was too difficult or for hygienic purposes, then asking her to start again would be inconsiderate and selfish. If she stopped on a whim, then I see nothing wrong in telling her that you enjoyed it. If she cares enough, she may do it for you on special occasions. Maybe. Personally, my kind of girl would punch a dude who asked her to start again, regardless of her reasons.

Justin, 24

What’s the sexiest beer to brew?
Ale, because in terms of beer it’s sweeter and fuller-bodied. (Insert female comparisons here.)

What’s the best way to pick up a home brewer?
Know his favorite beers. To a home brewer, a woman who is able to pick out a good beer is not only one he’ll gladly go home with — she’s one he’ll bring home to momma.

What has brewing your own beer taught you about dating?
Sanitation is essential.justin

I’m gay. My boyfriend’s been hanging out with a woman who says she has feelings for him. He says not to worry about it, but I know he’s been with women in the past. What should I do?
I’d say listen to your boyfriend and don’t worry about it. You can’t hold his hand all the time. He’s a big boy and he should know right from wrong.

My boyfriend noticed I stopped coming as hard, and has been trying different tricks to help me come. It’s fun and all, but now whenever I get close, I get nervous that my orgasm won’t be “big enough” and lose it entirely. How can I orgasm again?
Just relax. More than likely he’s pretending you’re someone else. Maybe you should do the same.

I hooked up with a friend’s boyfriend. . .twice. I’ve liked this guy for the longest time and the sex was amazing, but now I’m walking around feeling like an asshole. Is there any way for me to get with the boyfriend and have it be okay?
Well, yes there is a way for you to get with the boyfriend and have it be okay…but then that means you’ll be minus a friend.

How can you tell if someone is going to be good in bed?
No other way but getting in there and giving it a try. Don’t compare; just enjoy.

My girlfriend stopped waxing. How can I ask her to start again?
Be a man and talk to her. Don’t make her feel uncomfortable about it; just have a normal conversation in a relaxed environment and be honest with her. What’s the worst that can happen? Well, besides her not sleeping with you.

I just found out the girl I like has horrible taste in music. Can this work?
As long as she doesn’t ask you to drink anything with “Ultra” on the label, it’s not a dealbreaker.