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Sex Advice From Hypnotherapists

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Curtis, 32

Can you offer any quick-and-easy techniques for conquering self-consciousness in bed, say if you want to start talking dirty or have your partner put his finger in your bum but can’t quite get yourself to say it?
You want your own internal cheering section. Imagine a sexy voice in your ear telling you to do it, and you’re much more likely to be free and let it roll.

Are easily hypnotized people better in bed?
Oh my God, absolutely! People who are easily hypnotized generally have better control over their own bodies and are much more persuasive and in touch. They have a greater sense of empathy, so when they’re with someone the outside world turns off and they’re much more receptive to what the other person is feeling, too.

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How can you tell?
They might seem more relaxed. If you say, “Imagine a feather running across your skin,” and you see them gasp a little, then they’re probably easily hypnotized and more likely to be better in bed because they can imagine themselves into the experience.

What principles of hypnotism can be used for seducing someone without turning them into a zombie?
Describe certain things in a general term. I would say "can you imagine what it would feel like…" Be passionate about what you do. And have a sexy voice. Vowels sound sexier than consonants. If your voice has a little bit of a vibration or a hum, it tends to be more seductive.

That sounds like something you could use to your advantage.
If I’m involved with somebody, I can really have fun with hypnosis. On a couple of trips I’ve had the opportunity to meet celebrities. I had one situation on a plane where I talked to someone for about an hour. She basically gave me her phone number and called me the next day. Later on, I saw her doing a press junket for a movie. They asked her what kind of men she liked, and she said, “I like dark, Latin types.” (laughs and gestures to his fair, blond self) It goes to show that attraction is really about what you experience with the person.

Is this something you can teach people to do?
I’ve had people I’ve shown this stuff to have their lives and relationships change so dramatically. Guys who can’t get a date get dates. The biggest problem with guys is that they can’t approach women, so you get them over that and they get girlfriends.

If your partner isn’t into anal sex — either giving or receiving — and you are, can you use hypnosis to change her/his mind?
You can, actually. That’s one of the semi-common uses. It’s really about establishing it as something they want to enjoy.

Is hypnosis ever used as sex therapy?
A good hypnotherapist can get a woman who has never orgasmed to orgasm without any physical contact. It’s just getting them to have a good experience.

You can do that?
Yes, I can just guide them through a deep and intense experience and then build it so much that they’ll have an orgasm. If they’re really good, they can do it from across the room.

Your personal, no-fail, orgasm-inducing trick?

You can set up a trigger or an anchor once you’ve induced an orgasm in someone. Once the first one hits, then you set the trigger. Do it right when it’s about to finish: grab their butt or touch their ear. That way, you’ll have a trigger for the one right after it. You’ll be very well remembered, but it won’t necessarily be obvious what exactly you did.

Richard, 45

What principles of hypnotism can be used for seducing someone without turning them into a zombie?

It depends on the skill of the operator. Advertising hypnotizes us all the time. Those messages go straight into your subconscious. The same thing can happen in a seduction situation. By understanding that concept, you can send subconscious messages to the other person letting them know that you’re like them, establishing a sense of rapport.

If your partner isn’t into anal sex — either giving or receiving — and you are, can you use hypnosis to change her/his mind? Is hypnosis ever used as sex therapy?
Again, it’s the anxiety. You would want to talk about it and find out what is it exactly that this person is averse to. Some people may feel it’s a hygiene issue, some people may have had experiences in the past that were painful, some people may have a religious upbringing that tells them it’s sick and disgusting. To relieve the anxiety, take each step slowly, say “Is this cool? Is this cool?” It’s like that game you play in grade-school, “Trust Me.”

I’ve heard that in hypnosis, you have to use a kind of extreme comic-book language to appeal to that primal right brain. What are a few magic words that trigger wild sexual abandon in most people?

When you’re dealing with the subconscious, you’re dealing with a childlike mind with a lot of power. It’s important to use clear, positive language. You can enter into an agreement with your partner, "Okay, we’re gonna trigger wild sexual abandon together," and then you put the person into a trance, put in post-hypnotic suggestions and you establish trigger words that they can use.

What’s a good way of getting out of having sex with someone if you change your mind late in the game?
The best way is the short way, because it’s gonna be awkward no matter what. You would say, "Hey, I’m not ready for this."

What are some tips for making sex last longer?

If it’s just, “I’m a stud and I want to go for the gold,” and not real sexual dysfunction, then it would really be a matter of pre-conditioning and visualization and affirmation. You could use imagery or self-hypnosis to really get to the point of bringing yourself to this level and then backing off. It’s just practice, like any sport.

Alec, 36

Can you offer any quick and easy techniques for conquering self-consciousness in bed?

One thing that I think is really hot is using candles around the bed and, at each corner of the bed, you do a particular trance ritual. And you can use trance music to actually put both of you into a mutually hypnotic state. Everything that we do to open ourselves more and to reveal ourselves more to our partner, just has to deepen the sex. That’s what most of us are afraid of: being seen.

Are easily hypnotized people better in bed?
Actually, everyone is easily hypnotizable. If you watch TV, you’re hypnotized. So I don’t know; are TV watchers better in bed than other people?

How do you let someone know that you just want a casual quickie when they’re trying to be all romantic?
How about you say, “I just want a quickie”? The best thing you can do is to speak as clearly as possible, as if you’re talking to a six year-old. .

What are some things you can do to draw out a timid lover?
With somebody who’s sensitive, you have to be sensitive too. Don’t move suddenly. Try to figure out where they are. Set the mood, the lights, the music. Have a nice meal. Give them a massage, talk with them. I think most sex happens up here (taps forehead). That’s where it starts.

My significant other of two years just started working out, dressing differently and initiating more sex. I think this makeover was inspired by a hottie at work, and I just happen to be reaping the benefits. Should I just take them with a smile? Should I ask about it? Should I do anything else?
If you really want him, up your ante. Don’t wear your torn-off pajama bottoms around the house. Unless he likes that! Or else you should start getting interested in someone at work and see how he reacts.

Gus, 34

What are a few magic words that trigger wild sexual abandon in most people?
A lot of sibilant words work well.

Tips for making sex last longer?
Drink heavily after sex, not before, and look for a lover who cares about his or her partner. I mean that’s the ultimate way to have long sex. If someone really cares about getting you off, they’re gonna go in for the long haul. Don’t let ’em get loaded first, though. No amount of hypnotism can cure that.

I hate the sex noises my boyfriend makes and the way he goes at it like a rabbit. Is our relationship doomed?
You need to liberate yourself a little bit. Don’t punish him for the way he sounds or how he enjoys himself. If the noises he makes offend you, maybe you should look for the things he says in moments of passion that are beneficial to you. I mean, obviously you’re doing something right. Don’t ruin that. You might have a lover who just lays there and does nothing.

I’m desperate to buy my first vibrator, but every time I go into a sex shop I get overwhelmed by my options. Please advise.
Do the pinkie-forefinger test. Stick your pinkie in your vagina and hold your forefinger out. As far as your clitoris is from your forefinger, should be the width of the vibrator.

My significant other of two years just started working out, dressing differently and initiating more sex. I think this makeover was inspired by a hottie at work, and I just happen to be reaping the benefits. Should I just take them with a smile? Should I ask about it? Should I do anything else?
I think if you’re confident that your lover is thinking about somebody else, you should confront them with that question. It never works if the mind strays from the project of love.
 

Interviews by Sasha Watson. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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