Advice

Sex Advice from . . . Ibiza

Pin it
 REGULARS
Sex advice...
  Send to a Friend
  Printer Friendly Format
  Leave Feedback
  Read Feedback
  Nerve RSS

Joe, 29

How can I approach a topless girl on the beach without seeming sleazy?
When you go up to the girl, make sure you look her dead in the eye. You’ll make her more comfortable by taking off your own top as well.

What’s the best way to have sex on the dance floor without anyone noticing?
Wear a short skirt and leave your underwear in the car. To have sex in a club, standing up is the best position. Or you can pretend you’re constantly dropping something, like a pack of cigarettes, and keep bending over to reach them.


promotion

Sometimes when my girlfriend and I are drunk at a club, she demands to watch me fool around with other girls. Later, when we’re sober, she gets angry about it. How can I keep her from becoming upset the next day?
JoeSuggest to your girlfriend at the very start of the night that she be the one to pull in the girls for you to make out with — it’s best if you’re not the one sent to chat them up, considering her reaction in the morning. Make sure to remind her it’s only a game and that she’s still the one for you.

The owner of the hottest club in town has told me he’ll only let my friends and I in if I have sex with him. What should I do?
Fuck him. If you’re brave enough, do it right there in the doorway. Then make sure you ask for a VIP pass. Tell him you’ll do it in front of his mates if you can get a season pass.

Where’s the best place to have sex on a boat?
The engine room. Once you’re through, she can continue getting off from the vibration.

Juan, 24

JuanHow can I pick up a guy at a club?
Cheap talk. Talk about clothes, that always works in a club. Then offer him a sip of your drink and introduce him to a friend — that’s your excuse to keep the conversation going.

Girls see me as their little brother. How can I exude more sex appeal?
If you have faith in how your body looks, create a situation where they can see you undressed. Only do this if you’re well endowed, however. Let them see that you’re not their little brother anymore.

What’s the best way to have sex on the dance floor without anyone noticing?
Stand face-to-face against the wall — that way you can blend into the environment. Make sure the girl is wearing a short skirt and no underwear. Then, move your hands around the two of you and pretend you’re dancing. Be sure to stay with the rhythm of the music and no one will notice a thing.

How can I approach a topless girl on the beach without seeming sleazy?
Don’t talk about sex immediately. Keep the conversation general. Talk about nightclubs and going out.

What’s the best place to have sex on a boat?
Climb the mast and do it in the crow’s nest. Or go up to the deck at night when all the sails are rolled up. Use them as a bed and cover up so you’re free to do whatever you like.

My legs aren’t as fit as they should be, but I want to wear short shorts. Should I?
Of course you should wear short shorts. It’s good for men to look at legs like that. It’s more natural. Here in Europe, people are more liberal. Fat people get naked on the beach.

Louise, 22 Louise

What’s the best way to have sex on the dance floor without anyone noticing?
Cut a hole in your knickers.

Sometimes when my girlfriend and I are drunk at a club, she demands to watch me fool around with other girls. Later, when we’re sober, she gets angry. How can I keep her from becoming upset the next day?
Record her saying what she wants onto your mobile phone. But honestly, I think bringing in a third party will always lead to heartache. It may be good at first, but it won’t be in the morning.

What’s the best way to meet a guy in a club?
Be yourself and show the guy you’re having a good time. Then make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend within eyeshot or earshot and go up and say hi.

I hate paella and my girlfriend’s mother is making it for our first meeting. How can I make it through dinner without insulting her?
Say you’re allergic to saffron and seafood. That takes care of it. Then be sure to butter her up with wine and chocolates and a couple of winks during dinner.

My legs aren’t as fit as they should be, but I want to wear short shorts. Should I?
Yes. Everyone woman has a bit of cellulite, and there are probably worse out there than yours. Even supermodels have it — they just get airbrushed.

How can I approach a topless girl on the beach without seeming sleazy?
Don’t make it an issue. Just talk to her eyes, not to her chest. Most of the women around here are topless and very confident, so it won’t be awkward if you don’t make it awkward.

I made out with a guy in a dark club last night, but when I saw him in the daylight I realized he wasn’t my type. How can I shake him?
Turn your phone off and make sure he sees you with another guy the following night.

Shaz, 29 Shaz

Where’s the best place to have sex on a boat?
The toilet, with you standing behind her. If there are other people on the boat, pretend you have to go down there to help her apply cream to her body.

What’s the best way to have sex on the dance floor without anyone noticing?
Mutual handjobs are a good option. Stand close and rub up together. Discreetly keep your hands down each other’s pants so it’s not so obvious.

Girls tend to see me as their little brother. How can I exude more sex appeal?
Stop being such a nice guy. Be moodier. Hit on girls when you’re around other girls. Eventually they’ll all start to see you in a different light.

How can I pick up a guy at a club?
Tell him you know him. Keep playing that angle so he’ll sit there thinking, “Do I really know her?” Before you know it, you’re having a conversation. Then claim mistaken identity and ask to buy him a drink.

I hate paella and my girlfriend’s mother is making it for our first meeting. How can I make it through dinner without insulting her?
Tell her mother in advance that you love paella. Get her to send you her special paella every day for a week before you meet. Then when it’s almost time to go over to her house, ask if she can cook something different because you’ve had so much paella recently.

How can I approach a topless girl on the beach without seeming sleazy?
Go for the direct approach and tell her how great her tits are — with a smile of course.    


Interviews by Marisa S. Katz. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

Previous Sex Advice

©2006 Marisa S. Katz & Nerve.com, Inc.