Sex Advice From Insanely Fashionable Women

Q: "Are highly fashionable people better in bed?” A: "Good fashion is a way of getting attention; being good in bed is how you prove you deserve it.”

By Carly Pifer

Chevon, 20, student

Why are highly fashionable people better in bed?
It’s having the ego to make a bold statement. You’re asserting that you are good. Good fashion is a way of getting attention; being good in bed is how you prove you deserve it.

What would you wear if you’re were going out specifically to get laid?
Black.

Why black?
I love black — it’s so simple, so neutral, and so flexible. It could either be black and subtle or black and sexual. Or peach, for the contrast on me, to stand out.

What designer makes the best fuck-me heels?
Louboutin wins hands down. In American society, you immediately associate red with sex. The little peek you get of red soles as you’re just walking away, there’s something there.

Which designer would you change genders for? 
I’ve never had an Asian, so I’d have to say Alexander Wang. He’s a little short but I’d have to pick him. And I would definitely go gay for Gabbana.

Would you ever have sex in exchange for a Louis Vuitton bag?
Depends on the guy. If he’s Swedish, if he’s tall, then yes. There’s something about Swedish fashion that really gets me.

What is the ugliest, weirdest, creepiest dude you’d have sex with for a designer bag? Like how far would you go?
How far would I go? I wouldn’t hit above 170 lbs. Like a hockey player with a little beer belly.

What's the most stylish way to wear your pubic hair?
I love my mohawk. I get Brazilian waxes and I have to get my mohawk. The other day though, I was flipping through a magazine and I thought, what I’d really like is a long strip of mohawk with cheetah print.

You’d get spots dyed on?
You get the wax put in dots. How sexy would that be? That would be ill.

I just found out that my girlfriend has slept with a ton of guys. I’m totally weirded out and don’t know how to deal with the news. Especially because I’ve been with half as many women. Is my girlfriend a slut? Am I a prude?
No. I think in American society we have this prejudice against female sexuality. I say fuck that. That’s in the past. If she’s not cheating on you in the present, don’t worry about it. If anything, make sure she teaches you everything she knows.

My long-term girlfriend broke up with me and I was heartbroken, while she seemed to be moving on just fine. But every now and then she’ll call me up and come over and seduce me. I feel used and I think it degrades what we once had. How do I get her to stop playing with my emotions?
First of all, build your confidence up. The reason you keep bringing her back is that you lack that confidence. And then find a new girl who makes you happy. And then completely cut off the old girl. There’s no other way.

What’s your opinion on porn? Can it be a nice supplement in a relationship? Or would you freak if you caught a stash in your boyfriend’s underwear drawer?
It depends on how he uses it. If he wants to watch porn while we’re having sex, or instead of having sex, that’s a definite no. If it’s foreplay, then yes. Just make sure that I’m the main attraction.

Commentarium (36 Comments)

Sep 14 11 - 1:16am
Jack

Chevron is pretty and has a nice figure but she is dressed like she's in her pajamas.

Sep 15 11 - 12:48am
Boo!

If you knew anything about fashion you would know her pants are "palazzo" and that her look is on point for right now.

Sep 15 11 - 10:55pm
....

Boo! is clearly Chevon

Sep 14 11 - 2:01am
ugh

pass

Sep 14 11 - 2:05am
Dee

"It's a found object I decorated" i.e. went crazy with my fucking glue gun on!

Also Chevon is indeed pretty but she's dressed like every other woman in my city who loves LuluLemon a bit toooo much.

Sep 14 11 - 3:02pm
Russo

A 'found object'? So she was just wandering the woods one day and happened upon some antlers, shed naturally and harmoniously by a noble stag. This kind of false logic is why fashion and fascism are such great bedfellows.

Sep 14 11 - 6:49pm
well...

I agree with you about fashion and facism... but I once happened upon some beautiful deer antlers in the woods - and I don't even go out there all that often. Let alone kill deer there. The antlers are now part of my decorating scheme - mind you, I didn't dress them up in gold chains and beads - that just looks wonky.

Sep 14 11 - 2:12am
nope

Michelle is the best dressed and gave the best advice. Easy victory.

Sep 15 11 - 12:49am
yes

she is beautiful and smart! win!

Sep 14 11 - 9:25am
Ashy Larry

Is Vasilina good for your skin?

Sep 14 11 - 2:18pm
GeeBee

Vaselina sounds like a butt-sex-specializing porn actress.

Sep 14 11 - 9:54am
bernie

Umm how is Chevon an insanely fashionable woman?

Sep 15 11 - 12:50am
b-y

look at that hair!

Sep 14 11 - 10:00am
ZZ

Michelle's toes won me over. They're gorgeous.

Sep 14 11 - 4:12pm
src

They're toes.

Sep 14 11 - 10:15pm
wyz

ZZ has a foot festish, obviously.

Sep 14 11 - 10:37am
Mikhaela

There is absolutely no way that one's sense of fashion and aesthetics has any direct correlation with how voraciouf of a lover they are. The only thing that can even come close to comparing one's sexual appetite with is one's passion for gastronomy. Sex and Food, those are two vehicles of pleasure that the brain definitely responds to.

Sep 14 11 - 2:55pm
LT

Yes, that's absolutely correct.

Sep 14 11 - 10:51am
Stu

Chevon wouldn't go for a guy over 170 lbs? Exactly how much does she think a fit, moderately muscled 6' male weighs?

Sep 14 11 - 11:11am
notfromaroundhere

Exactly my question.

Sep 14 11 - 11:17am
Moops

Obviously she goes for short guys. More power to her!

Sep 14 11 - 12:24pm
mp

Yeah I was thinking that too. At 6', I have had the skinny-boy look and was about 165. After a year of weight training I got up to 190 pretty quickly.

Also, these women look like they are college students trying to figure themselves out, not "fashionistas."

Sep 14 11 - 7:12pm
Scott

I look damn near emaciated at 5'10" and 170.

Sep 14 11 - 11:30pm
ibg

Gentlemen, welcome to the world of ridiculous weight standards that women endure daily!

Sep 14 11 - 11:59pm
nope

@ibg: I think the point was more... a guy under 170lbs would not be stereotypically attractive (tall and not completely skin and bones). As she seemed to say she is not opposed to taller or muscular guys, it sounds more like she just doesn't know what 170 lbs amounts to on a dude than a peculiar brand of short-and-rail-thin body fascism.

Sep 14 11 - 2:20pm
GeeBee

Chevon when you get that cheetah print thing done give me a call. I'll just look if you don't want me to touch, but I have to see that!

Sep 14 11 - 2:43pm
THC

Chevon has not aged well if she really is 20.

Sep 14 11 - 8:04pm
Ouch

If there is a connection between insanely fashionable people and good sex, it's that the two are inversely proportional. Giving up the vanity and not caring how you might look is just too much for fashion whores, but it can definitely help in the sack.

Sep 14 11 - 10:40pm
Janey

I read 'would you ever have a sex change for a Louis Vuitton bag' ... ha!

Sep 14 11 - 10:52pm
Wossamotta

Michelle makes sense

Sep 14 11 - 11:53pm
lust demented

opposite. the bigger the pig, the bigger the pig.

Sep 15 11 - 4:39pm
You

Ugh obnoxious. The idea that any of these vapid young girls actually knows what "good in bed" is like--giving or receiving-- is a laugh. Self-centric people who skimp on nutrition to fit into a sample size are the LAST people who I'd expect to be good in bed. Style over substance=bad lay

Sep 16 11 - 9:21pm
sylvia

vasilina is a dumbass. no one kills a dear to get antlers! they fall off the deer every year and they grow new ones! you pick them up in the forest sweetheart, no one's gonna think you're a saint for "never killing a dear because you love animals."

Sep 17 11 - 4:45am
Ricochet

Sylvia is kind of a dumbass. "dear"??
Actually all three girls are kind of worthless, and, most likely suck in bed(not the good kind of suck either). The idea that a "fashion sense" in any way increases your quality as human being is ludicrous. All it means is you copy what you see in the pretty pictures of the really heavy magazines with a total 500 words of any meaning in them.

Sep 20 11 - 12:37am
BeefBriscuit

EEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Sep 24 11 - 11:52am
AlexT

Am I missing something, or are all of these "fashionistas" transgender? Is that the reason for the coyness with the pronouns?