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Sex Advice from . . . Irish-Americans

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Colleen, 26

How can I get over my Catholic guilt?
I mean really, you can’t. I had a breakdown the other day because I didn’t go to mass for Ash Wednesday. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been a recovering Catholic, you can’t get over the guilt.

Can I insist that my boyfriend keep using condoms even though we’re officially monogamous, just in case he cheats? Or would that suggest that I don’t trust him?
Just don’t tell him that you’re on the birth-control pill, and demand that he use them as birth control. My husband still uses condoms.

What’s the best lube out there?
Anal-Eze. It’s good.

promotion

So if I’m ready to try anal sex for the first time, you recommend this product.
Definitely. Anal-ease, wine, and relax. Oh, and make sure you’ve gone to the bathroom. Like, make sure you’ve had a bowel movement beforehand. Sorry. And make sure you wash really, really well before. And after, obviously.

My boyfriend and I used to have wild sex. Now we’ve been together awhile, and sex has taken a back seat to working and watching TV. How do we rediscover that energy?
The bottom line is this: you have to stop focusing on getting up the energy, and even when you don’t feel like it, just do it. For instance, in the morning, when all I want to do is sleep in, at least once a month I roll over and let my man have it, because he wants it in the morning. And then in the end, it’s always good for me too. Don’t wait till you get the energy up — just do it!

My best friend recently got married. I can tell her husband finds me attractive. Recently we were all drinking together and they both brought up the idea of a threesome. Would it be irresponsible for me to go for it if I think it could possibly disrupt their marriage?
I would say you’d only want to have a threesome with a couple that you’re not really that close with, because it’ll ruin your friendship. People feel weird, or the guy feels left out because the girls are all about the girls. And then if the guy does get into the other girl — yeah, it’s just bad. Do it with someone you barely know.

I can’t stand giving blowjobs, but my boyfriend loves them. Any advice?
Don’t underestimate ball-play.

I went on a date with a hot guy. After spending the night with him, I found out he’s almost fifteen years younger then me. He’s not even legal to drink. We’ve got plenty of chemistry, but is dating someone that much younger a recipe for disaster?
It’s absolutely not a recipe for disaster, and I say, you go, girl. More women should be dating younger men, because women reach their sexual peak later in life and younger guys can go all night. And men never really grow up anyway, so the age difference isn’t that big a deal.


Jeremy, 29

Is St. Patty’s Day a good time to have my first one-night stand?
Absolutely. Everybody’s out to have some great Irish cock on St. Patrick’s Day.

How can I find a girl’s g-spot?
Pretend it’s an orange cut in half. You want to stay just on the top of the orange.

What’s the best lube out there?
Eros, like the Greek god.

I’m about to try anal sex for the first time. Any tips?
Poppers, lube and breathe deeply.

What are poppers?
Poppers, honey. You smell them, and it loosens your asshole up. It comes in a little bottle and they make you sort of high, but then you relax, and it makes it a lot easier going in.

Are they legal to buy?
Yes! You can get them at the sex store. And bite a pillow, bitch, because it’s going to hurt. There’s no easy way around it. If you lie to your side, that helps, too.

How can I get over my Catholic guilt?
Go to confession right after you’re done. Tell the priest all about it.

What’s the best position for public sex?
In the driver’s seat, in the parking lot of an Irish pub.


Fiona, 23

Any tips for avoiding whiskey dick?
Grab someone who just walked in the door. That’s what you do. They walk in the door, just turn ’em around, walk ’em right back out. Quickie in the car. There you go! Then you don’t even have to leave, really. You go right back into the bar, wait for the next guy to walk in.

How can I get over my Catholic guilt?
I was raised Lutheran, but I have plenty of guilt. Lots of therapy has helped.

My boyfriend and I used to have wild sex. Now we’ve been together awhile, and sex has taken a back seat to working and watching TV. I tried buying a sex-advice book, but it was corny and turned him off. What do we do?
Wow, you bought the wrong sex book. There are good ones out there. Let me go into the other room and get some. [Leaves, returns with several sex books] Let’s see, The Guide to Getting It On, which is really awesome. And there’s one we just picked up — Urban Outfitters has some good ones, actually — called 350 Best Sex Tips Ever.

I got drunk and ended up spending the night with a close friend. We’d been flirting for years, but once I was in his bed, he didn’t touch me. Should I pursue him anyway?
If you’ve been friends forever, perhaps that’s a good sign — that he was actually thinking, "Oh, she’s a little drunk, I don’t really want to do anything that might take advantage of the situation and screw up our friendship."

My best friend recently got married. I can tell her husband finds me attractive. Recently we were all drinking together and they both brought up the idea of a threesome. Would it be irresponsible for me to go for it if I think it could disrupt their marriage?
One, it’s up to the couple to figure out if they can handle something like that, and who they want to do it with, and blah, blah, blah. Two, if you as the third person in the threesome have any doubts, at all, about anything, then you probably should not do it.

What’s the best position for public sex?
In a large crowd that isn’t paying attention, like at a concert, standing up, with him behind you.

What’s the best lube out there?
I don’t know, I’ve never really had to use one. Your own lube. Eat your heart out.

Keirn, 31

How can I get over my Catholic guilt?
I don’t think you should try to. It’s part of the game. It makes it a bit more exciting in the end.

Any tips for avoiding whiskey dick?
Red Bull.

Can I insist that my boyfriend keep using condoms even though we’re officially monogamous, just in case he cheats? Or would that suggest that I don’t trust him?
You know, that’s a tough one. I think you have the right to insist that the other person wears a condom, depending on the circumstances. But even then, you can’t be sure that they don’t cheat. If you’re worried about it, you can insist.

I woke up with my girlfriend after a night of drinking, and she can’t stop talking about how amazing I was last night. Problem is, I can’t remember a damn thing. How can I find out what exactly I did?
Given that she’s so excited about it, I would say, "Let’s do exactly the same thing we did last night, right now."

I can’t stand giving blowjobs, but my boyfriend loves them. Any advice?
Enthusiasm and eye contact. If the girl looks like she really loves it, I guarantee the guy will come quickly.

If I can’t find a four-leaf clover, what’s the best way to get lucky on St. Patrick’s Day?
Put on a big green wig and a leprechaun hat, get really drunk and walk around town. 

Interviews by Nicole Ankowski. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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