Advice

Sex Advice From Irish Bartenders

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sex advice from irish bartenders

Rory, 24

A bar patron thinks you’re hot. How can she get you to notice her?
Low-cut tops always work for me. When a girl sits at the bar she is lower down, so I have a great view. If this isn’t possible then I suggest looking at the bartender. But not for too long — that’s just weird!

rory

How do you react when someone mistakes your accent for Scottish or British? Would you refuse to date someone who made such a blatant error?
I would calmly inform her that she’s badly mistaken. But really, as long as the woman is hot, I don’t care what she says!

What’s your favorite non-bar, budget date in this economy?
A walk in Central Park on a good day is without a doubt the perfect date! It’s beautiful and free. Maybe even bring a small picnic: a couple of sandwiches, a few beers. Guaranteed success, provided your conversational skills are up to par.

I want to hook up with a hottie on St. Patrick’s Day. How can I get a little Irish luck in me?
From my experience all you have to do is to stay reasonably sober! Why? Everyone gets loaded on St. Paddy’s Day, so it helps to be in control and look around for a hottie. I guarantee that he or she is bananas and looking for a good time.

What’s one major difference you’ve noticed between Irish and American girls?
Ooh, I’m going to get in trouble for this one! From my experience, American women take better care of themselves. They dress better and groom better. On the other side, Irish women are smarter and more clued in to what’s going on in the world. I’d better say no more on this subject!

Loretta, 39
www.ceolpub.com

How do you react when someone mistakes your accent for Scottish or British? Do you assume idiocy? Would you refuse to date someone who made such a blatant error? I always assume idiocy and yes, I would refuse to even have this person in my presence, cheeky bastard!

loretta

What’s one major difference you’ve noticed between Irish and American guys?
It’s all in the jeans!

Do you prefer dating someone who is Irish or someone who is American?
American.

Why?
Because he’d kill me if I said otherwise!

Given the economy, is it okay for someone to suggest a second, third or fourth date at home — watching a movie or ordering in — or is it still an obvious sign of someone wanting to get in your pants?
As long as you both want the same thing, what’s the problem?

A close guy friend of mine who’s a player wants to hook up with my sister. I don’t want her to get the clap. Should I discourage her from getting involved, or should I just butt out?
Yes, of course discourage her! I have neither the time nor the inclination to listen to her whining afterwards!

When introducing your parents to a dating partner of a different cultural or ethnic background, should you prepare them in advance or let them be surprised?
Don’t say a word and you’ll get so much material for the craic in the pub afterwards!

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Seán, 29
www.myspace.com/sean_murphy_comedy

A bar patron thinks you’re hot. How can she get you to notice her?
Make your first drink memorable. If you ask me for a Bahama-Mama-Lemon-Lime-Tini with a handful of cherries, I will remember you as the high-maintenance girl. Instead, be the female James Bond of drink-ordering: ask for something simple and classy and you’ll be remembered as the woman who knows her drinks. More importantly, smile and be polite. Introducing yourself can also do the trick. Or ask if you can buy me a drink when my shift ends.

sean

I want to hook up with a hottie on St. Patrick’s Day. How can I get a little Irish luck in me?
First bit of advice: Don’t tell him his “Irish luck” is little. He may have been at a bar with the lads for hours before you meet up with him. Your best bet is to meet up at a bar close to where one of you lives. There’s no shame in taking a drinking time-out to go home for a bit of fun; trust me, he won’t say no. Paddy’s Day is one day when being blunt is totally acceptable. “Kiss me I’m Irish” is a common phrase on that day because it’s the drunk version of “Do you like me? Yes, no, maybe.”

When introducing your parents to a dating partner of a different cultural or ethnic background, should you prepare them in advance or let them be surprised?
You should already know how accepting your family is of other cultures. Although my grandmother just assumes everyone is Irish. My cousin dated a guy with a last name like Papadopoulos or something else extremely Greek. Gram heard the name and asked what county in Ireland he was from.

Is it a turn-off when a beautiful woman asks for a packet of crisps and a Guinness?
A beautiful woman who drinks Guinness is just that much more beautiful. It means she appreciates a good beer and can probably hold her own at a bar. Ordering crisps can even be a turn-on; the only possible way it would be a turn-off is if it’s at a fine-dining place.

I’m married but interested in an affair on the side. How can I find out if a guy I know might be willing?
Just flirt with him with your left hand next to your face, prominently displaying your wedding band while doing it. If he still shows interest, there you go. But definitely don’t do it while your husband is there — especially if he’s a cop. I once had a woman sit down at the bar and immediately start flirting with me. After a few drinks she went beyond flirting and told me filthy things she wanted me to do to her. Then a massive man sat down next to her and she introduced me to her giant of a husband who was a member of the NYPD. Every time she ordered a beer for herself she ordered a beer and a whiskey for him. After two hours he was obliterated and she went back to telling me all the filthy things she wanted me to do to her. She sent him home to bed and told him she was going to stay for a nightcap. I didn’t want to know what would find its way into me if NYPD found me in one of their wives, so she never got her nightcap from me.

I’m a gym rat but my boyfriend is not. How can I encourage him to put down the Guinness and get moving alongside me?
Throw one of your bras at him and let him know you find his man boobs incredibly sexy, but you want to leave something to the imagination and he should cover up.

Briana, 33

A bar patron thinks you’re hot. How can he get you to notice him?brianna
A friendly smile always does the trick, along with engaging conversation and, of course, a good tip!

What’s a good drink for people who want to get in the mood?
It depends on what kind of mood they want. A good glass of wine is nice for intimacy. A martini will speed things along a bit. To get things done, I recommend a shot of any sort.

I want to hook up with a hottie on St. Patrick’s Day. How can I get a little Irish luck in me?
A shot of whiskey to get your spirits up and you’ll be on your way!

What’s your favorite non-bar, budget date in this economy?
Hiking in the afternoon. Good for conversation and good for your body.

What’s one major difference you’ve noticed between Irish and American guys?
There is a certain confidence — a charm — that Irish boys carry around in their back pockets. Irresistible. American guys tend to either have too much confidence without the charm, or not enough.

What’s one thing that should never be said on a first date?
I actually just experienced this. Shortly into a date the guy I was with asked me point-blank, “So are we going to fuck or what?” Not the best strategy!


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