Advice

Sex Advice from Jewish Mothers

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Jane, 60

What’s the biggest difference between Jews and Gentiles in the dating world?
Arguing is a Jewish sport. It’s part of our heritage. This can be very unsettling to people from cultures where one is not supposed to contradict. It looks as if we’re angry or in a bad mood. Not necessarily so!jane

Do Jewish men and women make better lovers?
My cousin says, "The problem with Jewish men is that they had Jewish mothers." I say, Jewish men are great boyfriends if their Jewish mothers taught them to make their beds and respect women. Look for a guy who loves his mother — but not in an icky, slavish way.

My boyfriend is Jewish, I’m not, and I’m about to meet his parents for the first time. I know that Jewish parents often prefer their children not date "shiksas," non-Jewish girls. How can I still make a good impression and let them know I’m not a scary Gentile?
That old advice to be yourself is the best advice ever. Prejudice often comes from lack of contact. When the parents get to know you and see that you adore their son, they’ll come to love you. Unless they’re Hasidim, in which case, they’ll consider their son dead and your troubles will be over.

My boyfriend really wants to have sex in a public place, but I’m nervous. What are the best places to have sex, and what do we do if we get caught?
Airplane toilets are ridiculous, but you get  to join the Mile High Club. And you won’t get caught in a coat room in summer. As for getting caught, you do what every teenager and politician regularly does: brush yourself off and deny, deny, deny.

My boyfriend and I used to have a very hot sex life, but things have gotten stale in the four years we’ve been together. What are some ways we can reheat our sex life?
Go on vacation, without the phones and laptops and other distractions. Finding the next level of pleasure depends on who you are and how you interact. Candid talk works for some. Maybe you’ve stopped telling each other what you really like. Recreational drugs work for others; that’ll help you shake free of inhibitions. Sure you’ve been together for a long time — that doesn’t mean you don’t have inhibitions.

There’s this really cute guy at my synagogue and I want to ask him out, but I only see him at services. What’s the best way to approach him without being sacrilegious?
There’s nothing sacrilegious about coming up to him after services and saying, "Shabbat shalom." If things heat up, you can clink your glasses of grape juice and go for "l’chaim."

I’m interested in dating a Jewish man. Where’s the best place to pick one up?
In person in the U.S.?  New York, Miami, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Chicago, San Francisco, Boston — in that order. You could move to Israel. I’m a dismal matchmaker, but I could direct you to New York neighborhoods where you can hang out on the street corner and watch hordes of Jewish guys.

Cindy, 57

What’s the best way to seduce a Jewish woman?
Be a total gentleman. Bring her flowers on the first date, open the door for her, including the car door. When she gets up from the table, pull her chair away. Compliment her; tell her how smart and beautiful she is. Give her only a kiss good night on the first date.

What’s the best sex advice you’ve given to your son or daughter?
Save it for someone you really care about, and respect yourself.cindy

My boyfriend really wants to have sex in a public place but I’m nervous. What are the best places to have sex, and what do we do if we get caught?
If you are nervous and uncomfortable, just say no! Don’t be pressured into anything to get a guy. Have some self-respect! However, if you decide to do it, the beach is great, late at night. If you get caught, just say oops!

What’s the biggest misconception about Jewish women in the bedroom?
That they are prudes. Jewish woman are very hot, love to experiment, and always please their man. But they also demand to be pleased, as well.

I’m twenty-five and really interested in this sexy older guy at my gym. He’s about fifty. I want to ask him out, but I’m afraid he won’t take me seriously. What’s the best way to approach him without seeming like a silly little girl?
Are you kidding me? Any guy over the age of fifty will jump through hoops to go out with a younger woman! They live for that. That is their biggest fantasy as they get older. Trust me, he won’t say no.

My mother keeps trying to fix me up with men she meets at random places, like the grocery store or the post office. At first I asked her to stop, but now I wonder if it might be a good idea. Do you think this is a good way to meet that special someone? What else could I try?
Any way you can meet someone is great. You never know where or when that special someone will appear. It can happen in the most unexpected situations and places.

There’s this really cute guy at my synagogue and I want to ask him out, but I only see him at services. What’s the best way to approach him there without being sacrilegious?
I don’t think G-d would mind. After all, HE would be making the shidoch! Go for it. It would be very KOSHER!

Adrienne, 60

What’s the best way to seduce a Jewish person?
With a nice brisket.

What’s the biggest difference between Jews and Gentiles in the dating world?
About one inch.adrienne

What’s the best sex advice you’ve given to your son or daughter?
I have two sons and I have advised them to keep it in their pants. They never listen to me, but I tried!

My boyfriend is Jewish, I’m not, and I’m about to meet his parents for the first time. I know that Jewish parents often prefer their children not date "shiksas," non-Jewish girls. How can I still make a good impression and let them know I’m not a scary Gentile?
Don’t act like one. Dress nice, smile, and talk with them. Being nervous is natural when meeting anyone new. It’s expected. Show a genuine interest in their son and focus on him more than yourself. A Jewish mother has only one wish where her son is concerned: she only wants to know that her son is happy.

My long-term boyfriend has taken a job in California. I love him, but I don’t want to leave my fantastic job here in New York. How can we make our relationship work long-distance?
Phone sex! But it won’t last long. I hate to break it to you, but the odds are against you.

There’s this really cute guy at my synagogue and I want to ask him out, but I only see him at services. What’s the best way to approach him without being sacrilegious?
Follow him into the bathroom.  There’s nothing sacred in a room with dirty toilets.