Jane, 60

What's the biggest difference between Jews and Gentiles in the dating world?
Arguing is a Jewish sport. It's part of our heritage. This can be very unsettling to people from cultures where one is not supposed to contradict. It looks as if we're angry or in a bad mood. Not necessarily so!jane

Do Jewish men and women make better lovers?
My cousin says, "The problem with Jewish men is that they had Jewish mothers." I say, Jewish men are great boyfriends if their Jewish mothers taught them to make their beds and respect women. Look for a guy who loves his mother — but not in an icky, slavish way.

My boyfriend is Jewish, I'm not, and I'm about to meet his parents for the first time. I know that Jewish parents often prefer their children not date "shiksas," non-Jewish girls. How can I still make a good impression and let them know I'm not a scary Gentile?
That old advice to be yourself is the best advice ever. Prejudice often comes from lack of contact. When the parents get to know you and see that you adore their son, they'll come to love you. Unless they're Hasidim, in which case, they'll consider their son dead and your troubles will be over.

My boyfriend really wants to have sex in a public place, but I'm nervous. What are the best places to have sex, and what do we do if we get caught?
Airplane toilets are ridiculous, but you get  to join the Mile High Club. And you won't get caught in a coat room in summer. As for getting caught, you do what every teenager and politician regularly does: brush yourself off and deny, deny, deny.

My boyfriend and I used to have a very hot sex life, but things have gotten stale in the four years we've been together. What are some ways we can reheat our sex life?
Go on vacation, without the phones and laptops and other distractions. Finding the next level of pleasure depends on who you are and how you interact. Candid talk works for some. Maybe you've stopped telling each other what you really like. Recreational drugs work for others; that'll help you shake free of inhibitions. Sure you've been together for a long time — that doesn't mean you don't have inhibitions.

There's this really cute guy at my synagogue and I want to ask him out, but I only see him at services. What's the best way to approach him without being sacrilegious?
There's nothing sacrilegious about coming up to him after services and saying, "Shabbat shalom." If things heat up, you can clink your glasses of grape juice and go for "l'chaim."

I'm interested in dating a Jewish man. Where's the best place to pick one up?
In person in the U.S.?  New York, Miami, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Chicago, San Francisco, Boston — in that order. You could move to Israel. I'm a dismal matchmaker, but I could direct you to New York neighborhoods where you can hang out on the street corner and watch hordes of Jewish guys.

Commentarium (17 Comments)

Dec 18 09 - 10:53am

The arguing! It's so true. Whenever I'm at my boyfriend's, I think that the family is coming apart at the seams - so much yelling! The gentiles hold it all in and just drink and then gossip about it later! Behind each other's backs, as it should be.

Dec 18 09 - 11:13am

Too bad you couldn't interview the most famous Jewish mother of all, Mary. Though I guess her sex advice might not be accurate.

Dec 18 09 - 1:43pm
Duly Noted

Wow! Jewish mothers advocating the use of recreational drugs to steam up the sex life, I admire the progressiveness of their faith!

Dec 18 09 - 3:26pm
The Young Gentleman

Best set of advice! When ever you want to get the truth. I mean no beating around the bush, straight talk, ask a jewish woman. They tell it like it is.

Also the author of this article is wonderful! I have been following her work and I love it

Dec 18 09 - 3:52pm

I think this is clinically referred to as a boner killer.

Dec 21 09 - 11:55am
Iam Legend

I find it surprising that none of these women didn't start foaming at the mouth from the shiksa question. Great SAF, though. These women know their shit.

Dec 21 09 - 2:20pm

This article just makes me love my mother even more. Straight talker, to the point, and always a bit of wry humor. American Jews have the best culture-wide inside jokes.
And yes, the better the brisket, the bigger the turn on.

Dec 21 09 - 4:50pm

Try recreational drugs? Fantastic.

Dec 22 09 - 5:19pm

recreational drugs...LMAO...I'm so glad I'm at least 1/2 jewish! Now guess which half!

Dec 24 09 - 12:27am

YES! Try recreational drugs!!! A refreshing change from the "Just Say No!" that has been pounded into my head since the 80's. I want a "Try Recreational Drugs" t-shirt. I would rock it.

Aug 15 10 - 9:13pm
Mikey from Atlanta

"About one inch."
Aha ha haha

Oct 08 10 - 6:20pm

Adrienne is awesome. Not much of a Jewish community here in Alaska....not sure if I have ever even met a Jewish person or not....

Jan 20 11 - 11:37am

Against all odds this one has been the greatest of all the "Sex Advice From..."

May 10 11 - 6:58pm

In my experience its been closer to 2inches unless safardic...

Sep 24 11 - 6:39pm

For many reasons I knew my mate would be of the goyish (gentile) persuasion. I grew up in LA which sucked. San Diego was a little better. The Bay Area was worse. I really wasn't in my comfort zone. Vancouver (Canada) was an improvement. But when I hit the great state of Minnesota, I was a kid in a candy store. Within 10 months I got more QUALITY action than in my previous 23 years. I even had choices. A very well endowed Homecoming Queen in Brainerd (130 north of Minneapolis), a gorgeous piece of trailer trash in Onamia (about 70 miles north), or a 5'9", 119 pound drop dead stunner from Rochester who was living in a Minneapolis suburb. Nine pounds heavier, 1" shorter 3 kids richer and 35 years older, she still makes my adrenalin flow when she lets me do nice things to her. I had a boss who was a real player who said, " if you can't get #*?+! in Minneapolis, you need to consider paying for it.

Oct 05 11 - 7:38pm

I am so moving to Minneapolis. Thanks Stan.

Dec 26 11 - 1:35am

I need an explanation (not a solution). I have a friend, agnostic, not Jewish, who is simply the finest person I know. Pinnacle of integrity and selflessness.

For 25 years he has lived with a Jewish girl. Neither want kids. As above, he treats her like gold because she's a wonderful person as well. A relationship I envy.

But the parents and grandparents do not respect him. Why? Well you know why...he's not Jewish. The family isn't Orthodox so it would seem to me that values trump belief. No?

Please, your opinion. Are the parents cheating the daughter? Is the daughter selfish?