Sex Advice From Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius

The Jackass 3D stars on self-confidence, period sex, and the hottest pubic-hair styles for fall.

Johnny Knoxville

By Kelly Bourdet

What’s the best thing about having sex with a Jackass cast member?
Johnny Knoxville: It won’t take that long. You can have the rest of your day to do whatever you want.
Chris Pontius: You don’t have to worry about us falling in love.

My girlfriend thinks that porn is cheating. I told her I stopped, but I didn’t. I hate having to lie. How can I tell her to stop taking porn so seriously?
CP: Does she keep you on that tight of a leash? The tighter the leash, the more you’re going to want to break it. That is best advice I could ever give a girl for keeping her guy from cheating. If you feel like you’re in a cage, you’re going to want to break out of it.

I’ve been having a lot of one-night stands. How often do I have to change my sheets in between each girl?
CP: It depends if you’re cheating or not. If not, it’s up to your own discretion.
JK: That time of the month figures into it as well. You can’t have it looking like the Tate-LaBianca house when a girl comes over.

Which brings us to: I hate that I have to stop having sex with my boyfriend every month. What’s the best way to make a guy get into period sex?
CP: Tell him to stop being such a pussy. He’s the one who has a problem with it — maybe you should think about who you’re spending your time with.
JK: That’s the sign of a real crazy person, not wanting to have sex with a girl when she’s on her period. So, I’d probably lose the dude.
CP: You know, maybe you prefer not having sex during her period, but if that’s what’s there, if there’s dressing on the salad…
JK: The heavier the flow, the longer we go.
CP: It only stays as a lubricant for so long and then it becomes an anti-lubricant. It looks neater on your wiener, though, when it’s dry.

I’m twenty-seven and I’ve had sex with nine people. How many partners is too many?
CP: If you’re doing it for the wrong reasons, then one is too many, if you’re not — if you just like sex — then there’s no “too many.”

What are some things to keep in mind when you’re having drunk sex?
CP: Once you’re having drunk sex, not much. You should probably keep some things in mind before you start. Once you’re having drunk sex, remember the same thing you would during not-drunk sex: don’t come inside the girl. Don’t ever come inside a girl. When a girl tells you she’s on the pill that’s cool — if you are married to her, and you don’t really mind if she gets pregnant anyway.
JK: Another thing to keep in mind when having drunk sex: say, “Please stay hard, please stay hard, please stay hard.” That kind of repetitious thing really helps. Because otherwise you’re just kind of shooting pool with a rope. I mean, we’ve all been there.

Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius I got drunk and cheated on my girlfriend of three years. It was a one-time thing, but I feel like an asshole. Do I tell her?
CP: No. Because you’re telling her to settle your own conscience. You’re not telling her for her. If you cheated on her, and you feel bad about it, just keep it in mind and don’t do it again. You made a mistake. Give yourself a break, and don’t do it again.

I am debating grooming options for fall. What do you think: full-bush, landing strip, or Brazilian?
JK: One of the worst things to happen to vaginas in many, many years is the bald Brazilian look. You need something down there. And don’t clip it all cute. Don’t give yourself a little landing strip. A Hitler mustache is a real mood killer, too. Go for a nice triangle, maybe with the tops of the triangle cut off a little, but have some hair down there, ladies.
CP: I’m not against it being bald; I like to discover the variety, but you know what’s weird? Sometimes a girl will have an Allen Ginsberg, like a long goatee, but a little curved. I’ve seen that a few times. Everything’s shaved except for that little billy-goat beard.
JK: Like Loomis Fall? I ran into a character in Portland once who was bellybutton to butthole and hip to hip.
CP: I remember you telling me about that.
JK: It was like a putting green, but way hairier. It didn’t upset anything, though.
CP: I don’t like when the bush is really gnarly though, like when it’s constricting around your wiener. It can get too gnarly.
JK: We feel very passionately about this.

I’m glad that you guys are going to bat for those of us who are au natural.
CP: I don’t like an Allen Ginsberg either. I don’t like it on Allen Ginsberg or on a vagina.
JK: You probably don’t like Rasputin either.

I’m dating someone out of my league. How do I not get dumped?
JK: You’ve got to have a positive mental attitude and a little self-confidence, you jerk.
CP: You need real confidence. I’ve known some guys who were fat — not the most attractive guys in the world but who were just so confident that they’d get a lot of girls. That was why. When people have real confidence, they don’t have to say anything or brag or be cocky — it just emanates from them. The confidence of a polar bear, you know? That’s one of the most attractive traits in the world.

Commentarium (37 Comments)

Oct 21 10 - 12:48am
bearman33

This blew Todd Barry out of the water.

Oct 21 10 - 2:30am
Hub

Probably the best one yet. These idiots still make me laugh.

Oct 21 10 - 3:38am
jr

I hate pubes constricting my wiener too.

Oct 21 10 - 9:53am
gonna be dumb

Best one yet........ JK has great taste in beavers. I'm so tired of the completely shaved prepubescent look. What's so sexy about that?

Oct 21 10 - 1:58pm
mr. man

i laughed. i don't like landing strips either. i guess i do like it all shaved. especially around the arseholie.

Oct 21 10 - 7:34pm
mm

This almost makes me want to see Jackass 3D. Almost.

Oct 21 10 - 9:15pm
doomgoblin

Maybe I'll go see Jackass 3D and pull my bush out in the theater. In honor of Johnny, of course.

Oct 21 10 - 10:40pm
fs

is it so wrong of me to think these guys are terrifically sexy?

Oct 21 10 - 10:58pm
inevercomment

It seems like everytime I read a comment and think "Wow, that is really wrong," it is signed 'bearman33.'

This was great, but better than Todd Barry? What does that mean? It certainly didn't "blow him out of the water." Why would you want to compare them? I laughed at them both. Bossy opinions suck. Just like what you like.

Oct 22 10 - 3:19am
azingx

do most guys like hairy beavers? I shave mine off and/or have it waxed occasionally but sometimes when my boyfriend and I have sex and he goes down o me, I tell him to stop cuz i havent shaved and he just tells me he hasnt shaved either. He says he doesnt mind au natural but its a little... weird. lol. So I'm just confused. Also. THESE GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!

Oct 22 10 - 3:27am
cakeee

I like it hairless. It's more hygienic.

Oct 22 10 - 6:28am
ab

You're "confused" about what? Can't you decide on what YOU like, azingx? I'm fairly sure the "THESE GUYS ARE AWESOME!" dudes would ask you much the same thing.

Of course, if you're really going to refer to it as a "hairy beaver" (which I honestly have yet to hear any woman do), I don't think it matters whether it's au natural or au Ginsberg or au sleek. Nothing making what you've got sound utterly unappetizing.

Oct 22 10 - 8:44am
beaver lover

I want to have sex with a woman, not a 10yo girl. Keep it neat and it's a treat.

Oct 22 10 - 9:53am
sdfs

I don't like it completely shaved. There has to be some hair there. If I wanted a child I would go to Thailand.

Oct 22 10 - 12:26pm
Joanna

I don't like period sex , but for Johnny ... who knows! LMAO

Oct 22 10 - 1:37pm
NoToOralPeriodSex

I agree with JK on not clipping it all cute. Way hotter when a woman is proud to be a woman. Nice triangle all the way.

CP could replace Dr. Drew on loveline.

Oct 23 10 - 1:12am
cr

These guys are great. Probably the most with-it answers I've read...

Oct 23 10 - 2:05am
messtake

I'm totally a woman that is proud to be a woman and I like it all gone. I do it for me, not for the guys-- I'm proud to be a woman that waxes and I'm proud to be a woman that just enjoys the feeling of sex way more when there's nothing there. Everything just feels more sensitive and it's just my pussy that's constricting weiner, not my pubes.

That said, I let it grow out in between waxes sometimes (hey in this economy!). It's cool to change it up a little bit and keep my special friends surprised.

Oct 23 10 - 8:04am
tkm

Seems that a lot of folks -- male and female -- prefer a hairier crotch because of how it looks, and a lot of other folks, again male and female, prefer a closely trimmed or shaved/waxed clam because of how it feels. Are we all actually searching for the grail of that ever so slightly grown out but still light as cotton candy mound? Is the actual panacea of pussy some sort of heretofore unrealized cunt conditioner?

Oct 23 10 - 2:30pm
Presha

Shave/wax that thing please!

Oct 23 10 - 2:40pm
KE

Best advice since the juggalos.

Oct 24 10 - 10:32am
cvr

Waxers are so conditioned to make the 'landing strip' that I have taken to actually DRAWING a triangle on myself so they will not hastily rob me of all my womanly hair after ignoring my request. They do not appreciate the drawing, btw. I just want the undercarriage gone. Shaving makes stubble. Wax!

Oct 24 10 - 10:22pm
ballsack

I like a hairy bush! It's like trying to find a smile in a beard! Keep growing them and I'll keep plowin' them!

Oct 24 10 - 11:10pm
bushy

ahahahahhaah!!!! I laughed so hard. Now I'm wondering whether I should stop getting brazillians...hmm...I think the best part about them is having a clean ass so im not worried about what the guy is looking at if were doing doggie style

Oct 25 10 - 3:29pm
This is just to say:

shaved pubes on a woman does not make your vagina hygienic! In fact women are MORE LIKELY to get an infection if there is no pubic hair! So boys, don't pressure your girlfriend into it.

Oct 25 10 - 11:39pm
Gino T

Chris is actually really insightful... was NOT expecting that after seeing him in wildboyz and jackass

Oct 26 10 - 4:48am
jeiza!

aww man, it's like an ash-kanash fantasy!!

Oct 28 10 - 10:56am
Dennis

Got to disagree with their idea that self confidence lands a girl....I dont think Im ugly by any means but yet I find myself alone every night with five fingers curled around my c**k instead of a warm mouth or pussy!

Oct 04 11 - 3:52pm
Amy Says...

Maybe that's because you're more interested in masturbation. Look at how you speak of a 'warm mouth' or 'pussy' rather than talk about getting women. It sounds like you're basically interested in masturbating into someone as an object - you don't really need a woman in that case. Just keep using your five fingers and spare some poor woman the agony of being with your busted, selfish ass.

Oct 28 10 - 11:00am
Dennis

Self confidence gets a girl??? Maybe theirs....I still go home alone every night and dont consider myself fugly!

Apr 12 12 - 3:22pm
Maggie

Dennis da Menace?? Is that you, you crazy Turkish!

Oct 31 10 - 3:16am
lisa

i have not been shaving my legs. i don't know what to do some one told me that " men just want to get to the green and they don't mind going through the rough" i that true or should i just shave?

Nov 05 10 - 11:45am
The Dame

er, please change your sheets between every girl!

Nov 06 10 - 2:17am
Gabrielle

They're right self confidence does get the girl, 3/4 of the guys ive gone out with have been for their humour and big personality, that make up for any problems in the looks department

Nov 08 10 - 5:33pm
RB

Oh bush, how I adore thee. Now I can use Johnny and Chris as back-up when dating some chick and it looks like I'm banging a 10 year-old (with tits, mind).

Jun 18 11 - 3:08am
Jeffy Dahmor

lol really? these guys crack me up

Jun 18 11 - 3:09am
Jeffy Dahmor

Pontius sounds much smarter on paper than in live interviews where he is always looking dazed and stuttering