Wes, a Juggalo provides sex advice on Nerve.comWes, 19

What's the best way to pick up a Juggalo?
The best way to catch my eye is to be true to who you are. If you say you are about something, then be about it. Piercings and tattoos are a plus.

I’ve got my eye on a Juggalo, but I’m not a Juggalette. Do I still have a shot?
I have dated a couple of girls who weren’t ‘lettes. Most Juggalos don’t care if you are or aren’t. If a ‘lo connects with a girl then he’s going to like her and possibly date her. It is possible.

Do Juggalos have sex in clown makeup?
I’ve only done this once and she wasn’t even a Juggalette. So I guess you can say we do; I’m pretty sure most of us have tried it.

I've been getting serious with a guy. The more I get to know him, the more I realize he's super Christian. I'm not, even a little bit. Should I end it?
This wouldn’t be a big deal for me unless she is a pushy Christian. Then I may have a problem because she isn’t respecting my beliefs. But most Juggalos I know are Christians and go to church often. But there are some, such as myself, who are atheists or practice other religions.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen at a juggalo event?
The craziest thing I’ve seen was at the last concert on Mother’s Day here in Memphis. This chick was getting fucked during the concert and her "man," or whatever he was, was hitting it from behind. I was in front of her so she started kissing my neck. I was like "Get the fuck off me!" That’s hands down the craziest.

I'm dating a guy who doesn't smoke. I don't want to seem like a junkie, but the sex isn't as good with out it. Is it okay to sneak off and get high before we go to bed?
Well, I for one don’t smoke weed. Nor have I had sex while high. It's just not worth going to jail, or the money you paid for it. There are a million and one things I could think of buying instead of pot.

I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is "terrible taste" an okay reason to break things off?
No. She probably thinks the same about your music. But just because she listens to that type of music does not make her undatable. Just like liking ICP or other bands like them doesn’t make you a Juggalo. Any true Juggalo knows this. So don’t be so quick to judge.

Commentarium (108 Comments)

Jun 25 10 - 12:13am
snm

This is absolutely the best demographic of people for the column. Seriously not sarcasm- this was hilarious. I couldn't tell what I was laughing at.

Jun 25 10 - 12:33am
megarie

Woah, I feel like I know so,so,so much more about Juggalos than I did before.

Jun 25 10 - 12:53am
lp

fuckin' a, why would i want to know how to pick up a "juggalo"?

Jun 25 10 - 1:39am
sr

@lp - to find out where that particular strain of hep c originated from?

Jun 25 10 - 2:58am
Mishlynn

having an ipod full of gaga and ke$ha is more than enough reason to be booted... :)

Feb 19 11 - 4:38pm
Anonymous

Having an iPod full of ICP is more than good enough reason to be shot. :)

Jun 02 11 - 6:16pm
freakshow

whut thu fuk is dat supposed tuh meen you fag

Aug 06 11 - 8:58pm
Anonymous

@freakshow I think it means ICP blows you dumbass. And you need to learn to type.

Aug 16 11 - 3:47am
Dizzlocz

Thats why your anonymous hoe...fuck the hater clone bitches...go suck a republican dick and pay your bills!

Sep 29 11 - 1:54am
derek

icp is the most immature shit ive ever heard and seen. bunch of people acting like 15 year olds their whole life. i used to be into icp, then my balls dropped and i grew pubes and was like "wow, wtf was wrong with me"

Jan 19 12 - 1:22pm
mariah

i'm a girly girl and work at bebe.
i like icp. abk. twitzed and other genres of that music.
rap is rap.
words are words.
some songs by them are really touching.

i'm into juggalo guys.
because they know what they want most the time.
family means everything.
and you can expect them to be loyal, if they're really into you.

they are honest to the t.
its a way of living.

and its sexy to do what you want.
i'm into that.

Jun 25 10 - 9:40am
hotpinkskirt

Juggalos seem like very open-minded, sweet people. Who knew?

Jun 25 10 - 9:46am
Moops

Dammit, I was expecting hypocritical "we are so non-conformist, regular people suck" lame-ass attitude, and instead we get normal, sensible people. How am I supposed to make snap-judgments based on people's appearance and interests if you keep throwing me these curve balls?

Jun 25 10 - 10:49am
josh

who knew they were so tolerant and into face painted orgies

Jun 25 10 - 11:16am
Solomon Grundy

It seems that Juggalos are a lot smarter than their idols. "How do magnets work" indeed.

Jul 06 11 - 4:14pm
myself

ever heard of sarcasm? I didnt think so

Jun 25 10 - 12:36pm
Ryan

The Concert Incident Wes talked about sounds fucking hilarious

Jun 25 10 - 12:42pm
Kyle

Fuckin magnets, how do they work?

Jun 25 10 - 12:58pm
Spike

I hung around with the Juggalo crowd for about...6 years. Just kind of faded out of it. Amusingly, they one thing that they hate more than anything else are people that are judgmental, and it always amuses me that they're typically more open-minded, intelligent, and even polite than the majority of the people that pass judgement on them. It's typical, really. People always trash what they don't understand, and in this case, it's the judgmental individuals' loss.

Jun 02 11 - 6:21pm
freakshow

wow u rly r a juggaho to be dedicated to there music fer 6yrs anden jus ferget about it????? thu FUK IS WRONG WICH U

Jul 06 11 - 4:13pm
myself

he can do whatever the fuck he wants

Aug 06 11 - 9:00pm
Anonymous

@freakshow It's called growing up.

Jun 25 10 - 1:44pm
gagagagaga

If anyone is seriously thinking about breaking up with someone because of terrible music on their iPod, may I submit for your consideration the fact that I work out to TERRIBLE music that I would be humiliated for a boyfriend to find out about. And it's all over my iPod. But it does get the blood pumpin.

Jun 25 10 - 2:07pm
MAGNETS

HOW DO THEY WORK?

Jun 25 10 - 2:35pm
Ben

These people are great PR for Juggalos

Jun 25 10 - 2:48pm
Juggalo2

WHERE BABBY GET MADE HOW?

Jun 25 10 - 2:51pm
MAGIC

Magic all up in this bitch!

Jun 25 10 - 3:00pm
surfer

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*wipes away tear*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Jun 25 10 - 3:07pm
poof-bitch

this makes me proud to be a juggalo lol

Jun 25 10 - 3:34pm
j

I used to be into ICP in middle school, considered myself a juggalo, but I have never got along with any random juggalo I have met except about 3. All the other ones I have met are obnoxious, annoying, and don't shower.

Jun 02 11 - 6:19pm
freakshow

sounds lyk me

Aug 06 11 - 9:01pm
Anonymous

@freakshow "obnoxious, annoying, and don't shower." it does sound like you. you're right.

Jun 25 10 - 3:35pm
j

But this article was some good PR indeed...

Jun 25 10 - 4:11pm
bounce

wow. they may be different, but they have some really mature points of view on some of these topics.

Jun 25 10 - 5:43pm
Rob

NONE OF THEM EXPLAINED HOW MAGNETS WORK.

Jun 25 10 - 5:43pm
Rob

ARE YOU A SCIENTIST?

Jun 25 10 - 6:13pm
KS

Much more down to earth than I expected. Seems like good people.

Jun 25 10 - 7:50pm
Poe

I wonder how many thousands of tards they had to sort through before they found the 3 with semi working brains.

Jun 25 10 - 9:04pm
Girraffes. Magic.

"Family" in this case just means "Paint your face, buy anything ICP puts their name on, and stop thinking for yourself."
MAGNETS! HOW DO THEY WORK?

Jun 25 10 - 11:03pm
D

It's amazing how many supposedly adults walk around and pretend it is Halloween all the time. Grow the fuck up and do something productive.

Jun 02 11 - 6:24pm
freakshow

NIGGA SHUT THU FUK UP ! YOU RUN YOUR BITCH ASS CONFORMISTS LIFE THU WAY YOU WANT TO AND WE RUN R LYFES THU WAY WE WANT TO AN UNUTHER THING AGE DNT FUKKIN MATTER

Aug 06 11 - 9:02pm
Anonymous

Define stereotype: freakshow

Jun 25 10 - 11:06pm
Rob

What I think of all this is.. I need to keep you in my prayers and hope Jesus Christ can show you a better life :-)

Sep 27 11 - 6:54pm
M

That is the most dumbass comment ever. If u had ever spoken to a 'juggalo' about religion you would realise how stupid u sound.

Jun 26 10 - 12:49am
A Fuckin' Scientist

Protip: Asking a juggalo for relationship advice is like asking a car mechanic to examine your anus.

Jun 26 10 - 2:12am
lammy

my mechanic loves giving me a tune-up. isn't he supposed to be checking my anus with his dipstick?

Jun 26 10 - 7:37am
sephiroth

how does shitty subculture that steals from goth for their expectations of girls and has no decent music work?

Jun 26 10 - 8:39am
Gimpy McPhlegmbath

I poop on this Juggalo phenomenon

Jun 26 10 - 9:13am
snoo

fuckin relationships how do they work?

Jun 02 11 - 6:24pm
freakshow

lol

Jun 26 10 - 11:39am
V

How come every single one of them answered the question about a super Christian GUY as if it were a girl? Did y'all at Nerve change the pronouns on them to make 'em look dumb? Because that's bad form right there.

Jun 01 11 - 8:34am
.

I was wondering the same thing...

Jun 26 10 - 1:16pm
bonkus

Who knew furries were so thoughtful and open minded?

Jun 26 10 - 1:17pm
robert

Sh*tty music like lady gaga? Wow. Last time I checked gaga can actually sing unlike these morons who are complete imbeciles. H*ll bent on destroying music as we know it also everyone of their so called fans I've met has no real knowledge of music and just tries to take some pseudo high road about the argument. Lame.

Jun 02 11 - 6:27pm
freakshow

an yu ROBBERT wut a bitch ass name... ICP dont try to DESTROY MUSIC an UNUTHER THINg icp AINT duh ONLY group out ther frum psychopathic records

Jun 26 10 - 4:22pm
Me

@bonkus: F***in' miracles....

Jun 27 10 - 1:01am
Jake

Santa Claus created all of us equal!

Jun 02 11 - 6:29pm
freakshow

FUK SANTA THAT FAT BITCH DNT BRING ME SHIT AND FUK U FER BELEAVIN THAT SHIT

Jun 27 10 - 1:11am
Name.lfrd

What do you think?nothing 4 2day....

Jun 27 10 - 1:17am
Name.lfrd

What do you think?nothing 4 2 day.....

Jun 27 10 - 12:38pm
juggalotus

i was fuckin this slut up in her dirty ass threw the rubber out the window as the car passed funny thing tho i didnt see you standing in the grass and it stuck to your fuckin mustache..... IN YO FACE!!

Jun 27 10 - 4:23pm
notapunk

(sigh)
I was full on expecting to be ripping on these people, but alas they seemed rather sensible. I'm admittedly a bit disappointed. I suppose that since the band they seem to focus on so intently is absolutely retarded one expects them to be as well.
Still...
Obsession of such a group of complete morons does allow for the sanity and reason of the followers to become suspect.

Jun 28 10 - 6:38am
mj

wow, okay, apparently I would rather hang around with juggalos than a random sampling of portland hipsters. who knew?

Jun 28 10 - 8:18am
Zombie Kid

I like turtles

Jun 28 10 - 11:09am
Vaginus Collecticus

That right there is the winner's circle for sure.

Jun 28 10 - 1:43pm
Name

I would bang Ninjalette way better than her boyfriend ever could hope to.

Jun 28 10 - 1:56pm
Bootleggregg

Search 'icp grinder' on ebay! Buy that shit! This dude's got ashtrays, "herb" grinders, bic lighters, shot glasses, all types of shit thats fresh!

Jun 30 10 - 1:49am
Twocrunk4u

Fuck all the haters!!!

Jun 30 10 - 4:33pm
Cassius

Juggalos should not be allowed to breed. PERIOD.

Jun 30 10 - 5:08pm
Ludophile

I swear, the Juggalo movement has to be the worst form of youth rebellion ever. Just the fact that they have an "official" soda brand speaks volumes about how desperately they try to create identifiers for themselves.

Jun 30 10 - 7:33pm
Logjammin

I'm pretty sure this kid is either gay or a virgin. I don't understand why these kids enjoy looking look like a retarded clown and white trash. I feel bad for the future.

Jul 01 10 - 12:10am

Juggalos are the reason I have a concealed handgun license. Methed out freaks with face paint.

Jul 01 10 - 1:46am
jumaxe

I don't like ICP at all but these people seem pretty cool, nonjudgmental. Even though this may be a rare case and the rest could be bad, I am going to take back everything bad I said about ICP. I still don't like the music but that doesn't mean someone else could and I will respect that. They would probably think my music is weird also.

Jul 01 10 - 11:32am

Faygo is not a juggalo brand- it's just the cheapest soda sold in Michigan where they guys started and so all these broke kids caught on to it. We Faygo fans aren't happy about, especially because it doesn't even get it shipped out of state when we move :(.

Jul 01 10 - 4:19pm
Name

This made me see Juggalos and lettes in a different light. This kid seems pretty open minded and chill, just into lame stuff. He probably thinks I'm into lame stuff. To each his own eh?

Jul 01 10 - 8:30pm
howdomagnetswork?

I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

great lyrics right thereee

Jul 01 10 - 11:33pm
judge-o-meter

rad!!!!

Jul 02 10 - 1:19am
klinko

Look at you judgeing ass haters, jealous cuz we got identities besides some clan tag on WOW. I've been down since 96 so yall missed alot in the movement, & to those that once was u never were. OH by the way I shaved my nuts so now you won't get rug burn from swinging so hard

Jul 02 10 - 3:45pm
Julianne

So Juggalos can break up with people over bad musical taste? How... but... whu...

Jul 04 10 - 3:06pm
Wes

What do you think?

Jul 04 10 - 3:07pm
Wes

Who is gay or a virgin because im neither of those :D

Jul 04 10 - 5:21pm
Wil

People hate what they don't understand. Instead of being threatened by the way other people think, you should develop your own ideas. There is no such thing as perfect. And it is my opinion that there are two kinds of lower class people: The ones that make mistakes time and time again and lose it all- who blame everyone except themselves, and the ones that are born in a life they didn't ask for and some how find their own outlet. Even if it's connecting to others through music.

As for the whole Faygo Soda, it's cheap and it's delicious, and most likely the same flavors you grew up loving. Oh, and F.Y.I. it would be "unofficial." They didn't create it.. They merely adopted it.

A group of 'lettes and 'los together, is no different than anyone else who hangs out with other people who have the common interests. If anyone wants to be stereotypical... They just tend to be more indentifiable.

If you hate the Juggalo Movement, that is for you to hate for your own reasons. Treat others how you wish to be treated. We are all human beings and when it comes down to it- Regardless of clothes, beliefs, and interests, we all bleed the same color and we all have something to say when others step on our toes.

You may disagree with my comment and that is fine. I will respect your opinion if give me the same curtiosity.

Jul 05 10 - 12:51pm
k-nutz

i still dont get what the fuck it is to anyone about how we live what we do or the music we are into...
has it ever crossed anyones mind maybe that shity fuckin boy band you listen to prolly has a few lettes playin that shit around town in the car also. im also a metal-head slayer venom and six feet under. and at a metal show all these metal heads are all prideful over their common interest. some of you people should check out that person next to you a lil bit next concert you go to, be it fuckin ac/dc or lady gaga you prolly gunna spot a few lotus tats n a hatchet or two

Jul 05 10 - 12:54pm
k-nutz

oh and to the guy about the faygo, they sell faygo nationwide man, i have found it in texas, and here n ohio its in every mom n pop shop, gas station, walmart, grocery store. even the hardware stores sell it here

Jul 08 10 - 1:29pm
brosef stalin

gas. them. all

Aug 02 10 - 7:31pm
Seer

Funny enough, I know this kid. Went to high school with him. He wasn't a juggalo back then though.

Aug 12 10 - 3:15am
likwidshoe

While I can't really stand the music too much, I have recently found the "Juggalos" I've met at various underground rap concerts to be pretty amiable people. They're just out there having fun in their own weird ways. Life is too short to hate on them for that...

Aug 14 10 - 2:32pm
the Rape milenko

Why didn't they interview the "juggalo funeral" couple about sex advice?

well first we have sex in a pile of garbage next to a venue in detroit,then I get pregnant,then I do a lot of drugs, then I have a miscarriage,Then I show up to the funeral looking like the fattest most retarded white trash asshole ever born.

faygo is delicious. in agreement there. I don't wear it, but I totally drink it.

face paint can be fun.... I listen to a lot of black metal so I can't be a hypocrite there.

but seriously..... a lot of the "juggalo movement" are a bunch of unproductive members of society who STEAL merchandise adorned by their idols from "Hot Topic".
(don't try to contest this....I have witnesses it at least 2 dozen times.)

every sad sack of trash in your movement talks about acceptance and respect.... well maybe your majority should take your advice. i have seen your fan base alienate people at bus stops, bowling alleys, malls and just about anywhere fat unemployed drug addicts linger around.

take your face paint off,go back to school, and learn how magnets work.

it's a miracle you guys haven't committed a mass suicide yet, Please O' please, don't do the world a favor and go to the "dark carnival"

Aug 14 10 - 2:36pm
donnie bronco

nazis were just having fun in their own weird way too.

Aug 20 10 - 1:42pm
Nameless

How immature and ignorant does one have to be to judge others? Its a good question isn't it? Most of you on this blog have said horribly ugly and just plain rude comments about other human beings based on the culture they follow, the clothes they wear, and the music they listen to. Do any of you realize what horrible people you are for condemning others you do not know. None of your comments are even based upon what these young people said or the message they were talking about. Not one of these people said horrible nor judgmental things about anyone else's culture they were rather accepting of others beliefs. Maybe you need to stop and think. What if they are the kind and loving society and you are the awful , rude, retarded, trash, hypocrites that walk the earth?

Sep 08 10 - 3:27am
Niki

Ok first off there is nothing wrong with being a Juggalo or a 'lette. I've been down for 17 years now. We like what we like and thats it. Didn't your parents ever teach you the concept of individuality? And if you would take time to listen to the music you'd know what we are about. We are a family. We take care of our own and accept everyone your "civilized society" deems an outcast. I have yet to meet a true 'lo or 'lette who is on meth or anything harsher then weed. As for us being retards I am about to graduate with a masters in Criminal Justice and in my graduating class of 230 over half of us are juggalos or juggalettes. In the last month I have helped put away 2 child molesters and a murderer, members of YOUR "civilized society". What have you haters done that is productive to society?? Sitting at home on your lazy ass watching porn on the computer dont count. So do some research before you run your mouth about shit you know nothing about. And you people talk about us alienating your people like its a cardnal sin yet you feel free to do it to us and get mad when we call you on it? Talk about hypocrites. As for mass suicide... Did you ever think you so called normal people are the minority? The Juggalo Family is growing to be the prodominate culture in this country. So maybe you should be the ones considering mass suicide. We are the ones you cast out because we could think for ourselves and chose to be differant yet you frown on us for finding somewhere to belong. funny how that works.

Sep 13 10 - 1:04am
Dirty Byrd

lol...people crack me up...ya all surf the net to find a site to bitch at one another. stale if ya ask me. and its on a website for 40 year old vrigins lol. pretty sad ya gotta come to a site to figure our how to love and fuck.

Sep 13 10 - 1:04am
Dirty Byrd

lol...people crack me up...ya all surf the net to find a site to bitch at one another. stale if ya ask me. and its on a website for 40 year old vrigins lol. pretty sad ya gotta come to a site to figure our how to love and fuck.

Dec 04 10 - 7:44pm
jane i fuck JUgglo

i like this jugglow but he fucks guys in the ass....??? and like i love him in all but he wont admit that its fucking GAY.

do u think this means hes reallly not down wit the clown...

is it ok for a jugglo to fuck other jugglos in the ass ?????? HELP ???

ps he REALLY fucks in the ass...

Mar 17 11 - 12:01pm
bond

he has no intrest in you hes a guys boy run while you can

Dec 05 10 - 7:24am
LOVE

I NEED A JOB BY JOGGELO
I AM JIM TECHER.
URJENT JOB
CON.NO 9753534602

Mar 17 11 - 12:02pm
bond

first off YOU NEED TO GET BETTER AT YOUR SPELLING

Apr 26 11 - 6:31pm
tammy

Juggalos use stuff like Legal kush herbal incense from http://greatamericanherbal.com/

they are crazy for using that extreme strength stuff

Jul 07 11 - 4:30am
nitin sehgal

hai iam honey drink hot sexy i very love sweet ladies
please contact me 09971614155

Aug 12 11 - 6:39pm
dalla daniel hessler

its us
vs.
the people

Aug 14 11 - 7:54pm
Kristen

This was a pretty cool feature. I like how most of their answers are actually quite similar.

" Juggalos can’t dance, you know? So I guess they got to do something." LOL

Aug 15 11 - 10:40pm
Whooping and Winning

"I’ve got my eye on a Juggalo, but I’m not a Juggalette. Do I still have a shot?"

I can't believe none of them got it that this really meant, "Do Juggalos hook up with other Juggalos?"

Or Juggalos and other Bro's.

Aug 17 11 - 6:27am
Cali Ninja

I'm not used to people who aren't a part of the juggalo family to be defending us. Could I truly be so misinformed about the common populace? I've so long found the most vocal to be abhorrently vile in their manner of dealing with counter culture. I suppose the hippies felt the same. What does it mean when counter culture becomes accepted?

Boomers I'm looking to you on this one.

Aug 17 11 - 6:40am
Cali Ninja

In more practical matters, all who revere the juggalos as miscreants, idiots, obnoxious, what have you...

I do recall a large gathering of people in Washington D.C. chanting and clamoring to shut down the federal government, despite the fact it would do nothing shy of decimate their way of life in ways they have no capacity to fathom. These people claim themselves the creme de la creme of society, despite the fact they only encompass 33% of the American populace. The tragedy is, these people have a real effect on the day to day existence of Americans. These are the people you must fear. These are the people that will bring about the end of our great country. Not conservatives, but those who would sacrifice the greater good for self benefit. I emplore you, turn your vitriol to the true idiots of this country. They hold a sway all to great for our own good. Let the voices that condemn alternative expression be reminded that alternative expression is within the foundation of our country. That we are a land of people who live and die for the sake of the freedom of expression. Let us not forget that to be a rebel, to defy the status quo, to stand up for individuality, to do what is within our power to make our mark any way we see palpable is nothing shy of the heart of what it means to be an American.

God save the juggalos, for they represent America at it's finest: unwavering against the tides of societal conformity. For if conformity were the rule of law, it would be God save the Queen. Lest we forget...

Sep 27 11 - 7:02pm
M

All the people leaving hate messages, you took your time to read the article and then moan about it. At least juggalos don't spend their time bitching about other people and enjoy life. I don't want to be in the rat fucking race.

Oct 09 11 - 11:28am
hallie

i want to be a jugalet but i have no ida what the 6 cards are

Oct 09 11 - 11:29am
n

what i hate juggols

Dec 15 11 - 7:41am
deepak

i need a work...of juggalo