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Sex Advice from . . . Lesbian Oil Wrestlers

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Ellie, 27
www.snapshotnyc.com

I’m a straight guy. How do I finagle a lesbian friend into having sex with my girlfriend so I can watch?
All it takes is alcohol, a hot tub and water for the hot tub. The rest is up to your imagination.

Oil makes people slippery, and slippery is sexy. When it comes to lube, is there such thing as too much?
I say the more the mmm. . . Cover your bed or floor with painter’s plastic and buy a big jug of olive oil from Costco.

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Lesbians are pigeonholed as being vegan-eating, organic-hemp wearing, armpit-hair-bearing creeps who don’t get laid very often. What stereotype-shattering secrets about lesbian sex could you disclose?
Armpit hair is good for holding onto when lube makes the lesbian too greasy. We are hairy, but at least we don’t grow back hair. And lesbians have ass sex just like gay men do.

Inside the oil ring, few holds are off limits. Is the same true for sex play?
A lot of people have never oil wrestled, but most people have had some sort of sex. These two pastimes are similar in that there’s a lot of holding throughout the event. Holds are a way of putting your partner/opponent into submission. Be it through a cock up the ass in wheelbarrow position, or a double belly-to-back suplex, holding is essential, and testing out different holds is key to a successful outcome.

I want to bring food into the bedroom, but whipped cream and chocolate syrup are lame. Any suggestions?
A great way to seduce a woman is to start slapping her with some barbequed seitan strips. Then stuff her vagina with a vegetarian cock kebab made from organic vegetables from your nearest farmer’s market.


Beef, 24

Inside the oil ring, few holds are off limits. Is the same true for sex play?
Consent is the most important part of any sexual relationship. So where play is concerned, the limits of the game should be set out beforehand.

So they say oil and water don’t mix. In your opinion, who’s a better lay, the person you have everything in common with, or your complete opposite?
For me, the interactions that lead to hooking up with this person determine my attraction. The I-have-a-type-and-this-is-what-I-do approach doesn’t work for me.

Many lesbians claim to only watch straight porn, because dyke porn is low-budget and gnarly. Which do you prefer?
The dyke porn out there is constantly getting better and more diverse. For example, San Francisco-based Pink & White Productions is queer-owned and produced some new films recently that are spectacular.

When it comes to strap-ons, which is more arousing, the sparkly Technicolor phallus, or the natural-looking variety?
I’m not a fan of Technicolor phalluses. Simple is always more attractive.

I’m a straight guy. How do I finagle a lesbian friend into having sex with my girlfriend so I can watch?
You don’t. She’s probably better in bed than you are.


Cake, 23

Sometimes clumsy, awkward gals morph into Slick Rick in the bedroom. Does this creep you out, or is it a turn-on?
Remember Maggie Gyllenhal in Secretary? ‘Nuff said.

Should I incorporate food into my sex life?
Two words: yeast infection. You don’t bring food into the bedroom.

In your opinion, who’s a better lay, the person you have everything in common with, or your complete opposite?
It’s pretty sexy when your tastes and interests are similar to your lovers and you can really appreciate and enjoy going out and doing your favorite things together.

I can’t tell if my coworker is gay or not. Should I ask him out anyway?
Don’t date your coworkers, straight or gay. That’s just bad form.

When my girlfriend asked me if I thought about her when I jerk off, I told her no. Should I have lied?
While in the masturbatorium, myriad thoughts pop into your head. There’s no shame in fantasizing about people other than your main squeeze, as long as she turns you on just as much. Otherwise, you have other problems to deal with.

Sir Sabrina, 28

I’m a straight guy. How do I finagle a lesbian friend into having sex with my girlfriend so I can watch?
Get some crazy bi bitch.

When it comes to lube, is there such thing as too much?
Not really, but natural lube is so much better. With lots of good foreplay and teasing, you can get her dripping without lube. Save lube for the rough stuff.

How does fisting work?
Very carefully and with lots of oil — I mean lube. It’s not for everyone, but it has an uncompromised rhythm.

In the movie Grease, everyone freaks out when they learn ├╝ber-dyke Rizzo has a bun in the oven. What are your thoughts on one-night stands with bi-curious pregnant girls?
Pregnant girls are so radiant. I mean, they glow. They need love the most, and reassurance that they are sexy, so it’s our female duty to sex them up.

I want to bring food into the bedroom, but whipped cream and chocolate syrup are lame. Any suggestions?
Really good honey on a nipple is priceless.  

Interviews by Katie Liederman. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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