Advice

Sex Advice From Line Cooks

Pin it

"Would you like me to flambe your creme brulee?"


Bernie, 28

What meal would you prepare for a dinner you hope will lead directly to bed?
Usually seafood things, pastas — Italians are real strong lovers. Maybe some shellfish, a nice light sausage because you don't want to be too weighed down, maybe white wine mixed in to go along with what you're drinking. Something light enough that still puts you in the mood.

So you like to get people drunk before you get them in bed?
Depends how innocent they are.

Do you believe in the power of aphrodisiacs?
A little bit, but I think it's just all about timing, moons aligning, those types of things. The cliche stuff, chocolates — things like that, yeah, I think that gets you going.

What about dessert?
Maybe something French. Anything with puff pastry. Actually, don't go with puff pastry — that's a lie.

How often do you incorporate food in the bedroom? What tastes best combined with oral sex?
Not very often. I like to keep my business and pleasure separate.

What food would you compare the female genitalia to?
I've always grown up working with Mexican guys, so I'd say papaya. It's a little sweet but you've got some shit going on inside. Something fun… yeah, I'd say papaya.

Why are line cooks better in bed?
We're a little eccentric, a little crazy, always moving fast, always ready to go. We like to do things all the way.

Well that half-answers my next question. I've heard that people that work in kitchens are known for their reckless behavior. What's the craziest sexual experience you've ever had?
Just deciding on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania that it was that time. In the middle of the day — no rain, no nothing, just the side of the road. Not even a scenic overlook or anything like that.

The guy I'm sleeping with talks dirty to me while we're having sex. I'm a little more on the quiet side. He's expressed that he would enjoy it if I were more responsive. What should I say to egg him on?
"Would you like me to flambe your creme brulee?" Is that good?

"Is that good?" Am I supposed to double check afterwards? Should I say, “Did you like that?”
"Did you like that, honey? How's your custard doing?"

I'm in a monogamous relationship, but my partner still insists on using condoms, every time. Condoms kind of impair my desire and pleasure during sex, and I've told him that. Is it okay for me to pressure my partner further to give them up?
He doesn't trust you, I'd say. If you really love him, tell him you'll get tested. But if he trusts you and loves you enough I think he'd be able to take your word for it.

I have a very regular masturbation routine and achieve orgasms very easily this way. But whenever I have sex, I'm too overstimulated to be able to orgasm. It's so intense it's almost uncomfortable, but I'm so turned on from the experience that I just want to go home and masturbate for days thinking about it. How can I calm down during sex enough to let my partner make me come?
I have a really good way: hash cookies. It's going to slow down the heart rate a little bit, it's going to mellow you out. I think they'll work. At least I know my girlfriend loves them.

I've been in some shitty relationships in the past — cheaters, liars, the whole spectrum. My new boyfriend seemed different, but now I'm getting that same old feeling, when he makes excuses or comes home late from a night with the guys. I don't want to accuse him of anything until I have proof that he has wronged me. How can I find out?
You've got to stalk. I really believe that.

I've been waiting for someone to tell me to dress up in a disguise and go after him! Is this a good outfit to stalk in?
You're wearing a turban and sunglasses. I didn't really notice you.

Lamar, 28

You know this interview is about sex, right?
No, I thought it was about cooking.

Well, it's about sex and cooking. What meal would you prepare for a sexy dinner that you hoped would lead directly to bed?
Chicken alfredo. Cream… Chicken…

What's the cream reminiscent of?
I guess, pleasure… eat, sex, sleep.

Those are my three favorite things in life! And beer is a close fourth. Do you believe in the power of aphrodisiacs? What are some sexy appetizers?
A lot of people in the Caribbean say that okra is an aphrodisiac. It's green, really slimy. It's a Caribbean thing to do a whole fish and okra. But it's not so sexy when you have to pick through the bones and stuff.

What's the best food to bring into the bedroom?
Homemade whipped cream. You've got to mix it for a really long time. Add some fresh strawberries. The fun part about it is making the whipped cream from scratch.

Mmm. Tell me more, Lamar. What food would you compare the female genitalia to?
What does it look like? Or what does it taste like? I've seen some ugly ones. I can't even describe it. There are some really cute hairless ones that are attractive I guess.

Why are line cooks better in bed?
If you can cook your partners their favorite dish, that's the way to their heart.

I've heard that people that work in kitchens are known for reckless behavior. What's the craziest sexual experience you've ever had?
I had a girl who went on her head once. It was a good time. She was on the couch and she just flipped over on the couch on her head. That looked really good.

The guy I'm sleeping with talks dirty to me while we're having sex. I'm a little more on the quiet side. He's said that he'd enjoy it if I were more responsive. What should I say to egg him on?
Just go along with it: "You love me baby?" "Yeah I love you baby." "You like this pussy baby?" "Yeah, I like this pussy baby." I've been in that situation before and I just say "yeah," because everything is good at that moment. If it's really good, that's the best half hour of your day, out of the whole twenty-four hours.

I'm in monogamous relationship, but my partner still insists on using condoms, every time. Condoms kind of impair my desire and pleasure during sex, and I've told him that. Is it okay for me to pressure my partner further to give them up?
Oof. That's a really sensitive one. The person is either trying to protect you or protect themselves. So I don't think you can pressure them, but you can try to figure out why.

I have a very regular masturbation routine and achieve orgasms very easily this way. But whenever I have sex, I'm too overstimulated to be able to orgasm. It's so intense it's almost uncomfortable, but I'm so turned on from the experience that I just want to go home and masturbate for days thinking about it. How can I calm down during sex enough to let my partner make me come?
Take control. Get on top and do reverse cowgirl.

I think my boss is into me, but obviously we work in a professional environment where it would be inappropriate to make a move. He has started to act angry with me as a result of the tension and it's making work more unpleasant than usual. How do I handle the situation?
Fuck him. It's not like you're Monica Lewinsky and he's Bill Clinton.

Good point. However, I do own a blue dress. How do you know when it's time to let go of really, really good casual sex that's not leading anywhere?
How do you know… when its time to let go… really, really good sex… You can't!

Rodrigo, 26

You have an accent. Where are you from?
I'm from Southern Italy.

So what kind of sexy Italian meal would you prepare for a dinner that you hoped would lead directly to bed?
Probably Italian sausage and homemade meatballs, a lot of meat — it's hearty and satisfying — I think that's sexy.

What are some sexy appetizers?
Anything that's spicy, like ceviche in a martini glass. Spicy food increases your heart rate, makes you sweat profusely, and tingles your tongue, exactly how you feel during sex, so it naturally leads to that desire.

See, to me, that sounds like it would lead only to heartburn. But okay. How often do you incorporate food in the bedroom? What tastes best combined with oral sex?
Often enough that we have to buy groceries three times a week. Recently, my wife has been enjoying putting the new Ben and Jerry's Schweddy Balls ice cream on mine before she digs in.

What food would you compare the female genitalia to?
Well, when I think of my wife, I think of a raspberry: beautiful, firm, and juicy.

Why are line cooks better in bed?
You have to ask my wife. She crossed her fingers, crossed her heart and swore I'm the best she's ever had. I think it's because I know how to work my hands and fingers in all ways and all speeds possible. You learn how to be fast yet efficient in the kitchen.

I've heard that people who work are known for reckless behavior. What's the craziest sexual experience you've ever had?
You know, honestly, every time with my wife is crazy — she is something. But we once had sex in a sauna room. I would recommend that to other adventure seekers. Double the heat, double the sweat, quadrupled the pleasure for us that night.  

The guy I'm sleeping with talks dirty to me while we're having sex. I'm a little more on the quiet side. He's said he'd like it if I were more responsive. What should I say to egg him on?
It's usually difficult to talk dirty in bed when you have no experience doing it, so maybe think of a really sexy and dirty song and basically repeat those lyrics in bed. Rearrange the lyrics and make sure not to sing them because you don't want to blow your cover. Just say it in a very slow and sensual way. I usually recommend Silk's "Freak Me" to my friends and they usually thank me with free drinks afterwards. Lots and lots of drinks.  

I have a very regular masturbation routine and achieve orgasms very easily this way. But whenever I have sex, I'm too overstimulated to be able to orgasm. It's so intense it's almost uncomfortable, but I'm so turned on from the experience that I just want to go home and masturbate for days thinking about it. How can I calm down during sex enough to let my partner make me come?
You know, I've never had this problem. Don't some men think of sports, or their mothers?

They think of their mothers playing tennis. Wait, that could be exciting. Next question.

How do you know when it's time to let go of really, really good casual sex that's not leading anywhere?
When you or the girl find yourself with another person that you're hoping will lead to something.