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Sex Advice From Lost Fanatics

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Sex Advice From Lost Fanatics

Christina, 31

If you were stranded on a deserted island, what toys or props would you want to have with you to keep your sex life fiery?

A big vat of massage oil would be nice, just to get things started when I have a sore back from building a shelter out of coconuts or something.

Who would make a better lover and why: Jack Shepard or Sawyer Ford? christina

Sawyer. Not only is he a bad boy who’s been around the block a few times, but part of his con game was wooing bored, wealthy housewives. He’d have to know his way around a woman in order to keep them interested.

What’s the best way to pick up a Lost fanatic?

Offer her some DHARMA boxed wine. You probably shouldn’t ask if she’s ever done it in a polar bear cage until at least the third date, though.

My husband wants me to stick my finger in his ass. I’m not into that, but I feel bad for not wanting to explore this with him. How can I make him happy and not puke in bed?

If it’s a hygiene issue for you like it would be for me, there are toys specifically made for this sort of thing. Ask your husband if he’d be willing to let you use a toy on him instead of your finger.

At parties my girlfriend is constantly trying to drag me into the bathroom for a quickie. I refuse, because I think it would be disrespectful. What do you think?

It depends. If there’s loud music playing and the bathroom is away from most of the action, you could probably get away with it. If it’s a mellow dinner party where the bathroom is right off of the dining room, your girlfriend needs to put her libido on pause until you get home.

What is a deal breaker for you in the bedroom?

If it hurts, I’m done. Keep those whips to yourself, and if handcuffs are to be involved, they’d better be padded so they don’t chafe at the wrists!

Jeff, 31

If you were stranded on a deserted island, what toys or props would you want to have with you to keep your sex life fiery?

I think the most fun would be going through the luggage of the other passengers that didn’t make it, because a) you know at least one person had to have been traveling with some depraved stuff in his carry-on and b) it’s always fun to improvise.

Who would make a better lover and why: Jack Shepard or Sawyer Ford? jeff

I think the easy answer is Sawyer, but Jack has his pros. I mean, I’ve never dated anybody who tried to set off a hydrogen bomb on the off chance that it would get us back together; there’s something creepy-hot about that kind of demented loyalty. Plus, he’s a doctor, which is a lot easier to justify to your mom than a con man.

What’s the best way to pick up a Lost fanatic?

Ask if they want to see what’s in your hatch.

My boyfriend bought a television for our bedroom, and sure enough, the TV has made it very difficult for me to seduce him. How can I get his attention off the boob tube and back on my boobs?

Invest in a DVR. Alternatively, start hogging the remote and watching the most abysmal shows (these generally tend to be on NBC). Your boyfriend will be ready to go before the first commercial break in Heroes.

I have a huge crush on a guy who’s into BSDM. He says we can’t date unless I’m into the same things he is, but I’m willing to try. How can I convince him to give me a shot?

Forget the BDSM for a second. If he were into you, he would have tried to talk you into getting tied up. This “we can’t date unless I am into the same things he is” thing is a big red flag. He’s either trying to brush you off politely, or he’s an onanistic douchebag.

My husband wants me to stick my finger in his ass. I’m not into that, but I feel bad for not wanting to explore this with him. How can I make him happy and not puke in bed?

There’s nothing wrong with you for not being game for what your husband is suggesting, just like there’s nothing wrong with him for proposing it. Tell him that assplay isn’t your thing, and then use that as a springboard to discuss some other things that turn him on, as well as a few things that you want to do to him in return.

I’ve always fantasized about having sex on the beach but once I’m actually on a beach it seems very messy. I don’t want to get sand in places that it shouldn’t be. Any tips?

1. Lots of towels. Always more than you think you’re going to need. 2. Forget the marital aids. Anything moist or sticky that you are planning to put on your partner is just going to leave him or her covered in sand. 3. Speed and secrecy are your watchwords, unless it’s a private beach where you have the luxury of not getting arrested.

Almitra, 23

If you were stranded on a deserted island, what toys or props would you want to have with you to keep your sex life fiery?

A walking staff, handcuffs, and an eighth.

Who would make a better lover and why: Jack Shepard or Sawyer Ford?

Sawyer, because he’d jump out of a helicopter to save your life.almitra

I’ve always fantasized about having sex on the beach but once I’m actually on a beach it seems very messy. I don’t want to get sand in places that it shouldn’t be. Any tips

Well the person on top has less chance of lodging things in private places. You can do it in the water, but keep in mind that it’s salt water, so if friction gets too gnarly you could be in a lot of pain.

I have a huge crush on a guy who’s into BSDM. He says we can’t date unless I’m into the same things he is, but I’m willing to try. How can I convince him to give me a shot?

Ask him. What kind of guy would pass up free, weird sex? If he still isn’t into it, sneak into his house and pistol whip his ass.

My husband wants me to stick my finger in his ass. I’m not into that, but I feel bad for not wanting to explore this with him. How can I make him happy and not puke in bed?

Devise a contraption using typical household items. Or just get really drunk before you do it.

At parties my girlfriend is constantly trying to drag me into the bathroom for a quickie. I refuse, because I think it would be disrespectful. What do you think?

It’s fine as long as there aren’t people waiting to use it.