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Sex Advice from . . . Magicians

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Ryan, 27

Are there any sexy tricks an amateur can use to impress his date?
It’s pretty cheesy to use magic to pick up women. Unfortunately, a lot of pick-up artists and unsavory types have latched onto magic as a way of impressing someone. Personally, I try not to do magic, but more interesting things with items that might be around, like making a paper rose out of a cocktail napkin.

I’ve gone on a few dates with a woman who is fun and perfectly pleasant, but I never think about her when she’s not around. We don’t seem to have any spark. Should I break it off or give it more time?
Break it off. There’s no need to exacerbate a relationship that’s not going anywhere. I only want to do a magic trick that leaves a lasting impression. If I do a trick that no one remembers a day or two later, that’s not a trick I want in my repertoire.

I love giving head but my boyfriend hates receiving it because he thinks it’s demeaning. How can we reconcile this?
I haven’t met a guy in my life who doesn’t like getting head. There’s clearly a problem with her technique. Perhaps she’s not doing the right thing to please him. She should ask him to coach her, and then when he goes down on her, she can tell him what she wants. It can be a discourse. Then he gets to enjoy what she’s doing, and she can enjoy herself.

I’m in a relationship with a girl who’s fun and outgoing in public, but in private she’s moody and convinced that she’s ugly. It’s like dating two different people. Is this relationship worth it?
If someone has a confident personality in public, that’s half the battle. If she has half of it, she could possibly have the whole nine yards. I’d advise you to stick with it. You have the opportunity to bolster her confidence in your one-on-one interactions.

I’m a twenty-year-old man who’s attracted to mature women. Because a lot of older women are looking for a purely sexual relationship with younger guys and I’m looking for a serious relationship, I often get turned down. How can I get an older woman to take me seriously?
A cougar hunter, eh? As in all parts of life, appearance is everything. The most important thing is dress and act in a mature way. The ripped jeans are not going to do it. Get some fashion sense. Show them that you carry yourself as an adult, but you still have the spontaneity and youth of someone younger.

My girlfriend says that making out with her gay male friends isn’t cheating on me. I think it is. Who’s right?
If she’s hooking up with another man, it’s still cheating. It doesn’t matter if that other man is interested in her or not. It’s the same as her hooking up with a heterosexual guy who’s just in it for the physical gratification.

What’s the best way to get freaky on a budget?
My favorites are a troupe of midgets and a can of whipped cream, but not everyone has that at their disposal.

Yeah, whipped cream is hard to come by.
[Laughs] Yeah. But the alternative possibilities are endless. You could look around your room and pretty quickly think about sex with any number of objects. It’s just a matter of taking them into the bed and using them.

Maritess, 35
www.maritess.com

I’m in a relationship with a girl who’s fun and outgoing in public, but in private she’s moody and convinced that she’s ugly. It’s like dating two different people. Is this relationship worth it?
Houdini was a short and ugly and his insecurities drove him to fame and fortune. He was just lucky to have an understanding mate who he could talk to — his wife, Bess. If you feel you’re at your wit’s end, suggest a therapist.

What sexy tricks can an amateur use to impress their date?
Magically appear on time to every date. The next best trick is to make one thing about your appearance different every time you see them. It doesn’t have to be expensive changes either. It could also be a new nail polish color or a new way of combing your hair. Your date won’t be able to exactly pinpoint what it is about you that’s intriguing, which is what you want to be.

I recently lost my job and have found myself compulsively masturbating while at home all day. How can I curb this behavior?
It’s too easy in this modern world to be alone in your apartment with cable, the internet and DVDs. If you’re a little more social, you’re more likely to meet a real human being to have sex with.

I love giving head but my boyfriend hates receiving it because he thinks it’s demeaning. How can we reconcile this?
Refuse to see him for a few days so he gets really horny, and then when you finally do meet up with him again, make it in a public place like a dark movie theater where the only way he can get release is by you giving him head.

Peter, 41
www.funnymagic.com

Are there any tricks of the trade that can be used in the bedroom?
I’ve been told I’m very good with my hands. But one of the rules of magic is that you’re never supposed to repeat a trick. It’s the opposite in bed — if something works you should do it over and over again, and just mix up the rhythm a bit.

What sexy tricks can an amateur use to impress their date?
Doing magic with somebody one-on-one is actually a very intimate experience; it taps into a very private place. If you’re reading their mind, you’re in their thoughts and that’s just where you want to be. I have a friend who tells people he reads palms, and there’s something alluring about women lining up to him saying, “Do me! Do me!” Usually it takes several meals to get somebody to say that to you.

My friend set me up on a date with a guy who’s not really my type. Apparently I’m his type, though, because my friend said he raved about our date. What’s the best way to turn him down?
For some guys, every girl is their type. Tell him you’re really interested in dating lots of people and then never call him back.

What if he asks to be one of those people?
Then bring along a friend who knows that he’s available and maybe they’ll hit it off. Unless he’s a jerk and needs to be cut off without an explanation, you’d want to introduce him to someone nice. Just because he’s not pushing your buttons doesn’t mean he won’t do it for somebody else.

Last night, I ran into an ex who I haven’t seen in two years. He looked good and we had a great conversation. Is it possible for us to start dating again?
It’s certainly possible. Often if you see someone after a while and want to be with them again, it’s because you’ve done some growing. You’re ready to be with them in a way that you weren’t before. But you have to ask yourself why it didn’t work the first time. Have you matured? Or are you making the same mistake as the last time? If the reason you broke up was adolescent and foolish, then go for it. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were the loves of each others’ lives, they just didn’t know it the first three times they got married.

Safire
www.magicsafire.com

I’m dating a man who appears to be perfect, but I’m sure it’s an illusion. How can I find out if he’s the real thing?
Stick a sword in him.

A friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend. When telling people the news, she always adds a nasty detail. People are starting to really hate her ex, who really isn’t such a bad guy. Should I get involved?
Talk to your friend one on one and tell her how what she says affects you. Just because she’s hurting from her past relationship doesn’t give her the right to malign someone to the point of damaging their reputation.

Half the time we have sex my boyfriend doesn’t come. He assures me he enjoys it anyway, but how can I believe him?
Take him at face value. You’re responding emotionally to interpretations of what he’s feeling as opposed to hearing what he’s saying.

What are the dating or sexual characteristics of a magician who:
Specializes in card tricks?
Analytical, detail-oriented, good with their hands.

Is an illusionist?
Charmer.

Works with small animals?
Possibly very gentle, possibly very sadistic. 



Interviews by Kate Sullivan. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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