Advice

Sex Advice From Matt and Kim

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The dance-punk duo's Matt Johnson on getting naked in Times Square, prickly leg hair, and why talking about sex is overrated.

Matt and Kim

Matt and Kim released a new album, Sidewalks, last week.  We when sat down with Matt and told him we wanted to talk to him about sex, he said, “I have to start off by saying you’re probably asking the wrong guy.”

Why do musicians make the best lovers?
There’s probably no reason for that.  They’re constantly worn out and tired and maybe you’re never going to see them again because they’re just going to leave on tour. I’m in a position where my lady and I are on the road together. We just put a sign up in the bus that said that Kim had lost her birth control. The bottom of the sign said that someone needed to help her because “No Babies on Board.”

So your solution is just to date the person you’re in the band with?
Yep, doing the person you’re in the band with is helpful for sure.  

My boyfriend’s in a band and he’s about to go on tour. We have a really good relationship and want to stay together so we’re contemplating employing a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy for hooking up with other people. Do you have any advice on making this work?
In the day and age of the internet, I think anything you do is for all to see.  If that’s something that you’re interested in going for, you should just make sure not to Google your boyfriend’s name at any point. Don’t look at his Facebook.

I have a huge crush on one of my bandmates. We’ve been friends for years but suddenly I’m interested in her romantically. Should I go for it? I’d be devastated if I ended up ruining our friendship but I’m totally smitten.
On the one hand, it’s a terrible idea; the band is like a business and, as everyone knows, dipping your pen in the company inkwell is just a bad idea. But on the other hand I say just go for it. Otherwise it’ll eat you up inside. See what you care more about, being with this person or having the band. Because it can go bad, for sure.

My girlfriend is really into how-to sex books. I appreciate her efforts to spice things up but I feel sex that’s overly thought-out ends up boring. Am I crazy for wanting things to be spontaneous?
You’re definitely not crazy. Sex is a spontaneous, heat-of-the-moment thing. But, if your heat of the moment has only been bringing the same things for however long, at least she’s making an effort to change things up. I’d say talk about it, but goddamn, I hate talking about sex with my partner. A.k.a. Kim.

I don’t like shaving my legs and I’ve never minded a little hair on them. My new boyfriend says that my monthly shaving schedule is a bit of a turn-off. Is it reasonable for him to want me to shave a few times a week or should I not compromise my preferences?
I’ve never had a problem with hair. Well, it depends how much hair is there. A dude wants for the lady to be somewhat feminine and a lot of hair is weird. But worse than anything is when it’s shaved and it’s growing back and it’s prickly. That’s the worst-case scenario. I say either shave regularly or don’t shave away. Just no prickles.

I’m almost positive my boyfriend is cheating on me, but he denies it. I accidentally learned his iPhone password. Should I go ahead and secretly read his text messages?
Hell yeah. Do it. Why not? I think there are no secrets in a real relationship. If he is, in fact, cheating, then you probably want to be with someone else. Just find out for sure so you’re not worrying about it, and then you can both move on. Check it out.

I kept quiet when my girlfriend told me she loved me after sex. Is there any way I can undo what I did or didn’t do?
People have really strong feelings on who they say, “I love you” to. You said it was your girlfriend so I expect that you love this person. Just say I love you, then she’ll forget all about that time. Just say “I love you” to her at any other time. It’s an easy fix. Come on! Smarten up!

My girlfriend wants to pose topless for a magazine. They approached her and she’s flattered. I don’t want to be an asshole but I want her to say no. Am I crazy for not wanting a bunch of guys checking out my girlfriend?
No, no, you’re not crazy for wanting that. I understand the feeling of “this is something special that only I get because you are my girlfriend.” But, you know I did a thing where my girlfriend and I took all our clothes off in a music video that got seen by a lot of people. So, if you’re uncomfortable with it, ask her not to do it. If it’s something that she really wants to do, then that’s a different story, but if it’s something that she just casually thinks might be a fun idea — and you’re not okay with it — then shut it down.

What are some things to keep in mind while having drunk sex?
It’s definitely going to be fun, but you’re also not going to be on your best form. Just take into account how drunk the other person is, because if not, then you might just look like an asshole. For other reasons.

The girl I’m dating is awesome, but she seriously cannot give a blowjob. I’ve tried telling her what I like but she’s clueless. I don’t want to ruin our vibe, but I’d love to give her some pointers. Any tips?
I know everyone says you’re supposed to talk about stuff. I think it’s the worst,  most clinical thing I could possibly think of. It just seems so bizarre to me. Maybe find a website that explains what you think you would like and then leave that open on her computer. Then, she can take the hint.  Or that might be weird, because she might think that you’re trying to learn how to do it yourself.