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Jay Della Valle, 27
www.gloriusmustache.com

How can a moustache improve my chances of getting a date?
Women are attracted to confidence and originality. Most of them WILL NOT like your moustache. Moustaches remind many young women of their fathers, their uncles, '70s pornstars, white trash, cops, firemen and sometimes homosexuality.


promotion

On the other hand, a certain kind of woman will admire the boldness of a moustache. It can say you have a sense of humor, that you are adventurous, or that you don't care what people think.

There seems to be a resurgence in moustache popularity. How can I make mine stand out from the crowd?
If you're a young, somewhat trendy guy, you and your moustache will stand out automatically. Experiment with a few styles to find the one that gets you the most attention. When I grow facial hair, I start with a beard, then shave to a trucker, then to a Fu Manchu, then to a handlebar, then to a Rollie Fingers.

I'm very outgoing and social, but my boyfriend is a homebody and will hardly ever take me out. On the rare occasions that he does, it's obvious he's not having a good time. Can we reconcile this?
Either he's taking you for granted, or you have nothing in common anymore. Ask yourself, is this who I want to be with two years from now? If he's not, you've got to bounce him now. If you're not having any fun, chances are it's only going to get worse.

I'm an overweight guy. In my online personal ad, where it asks what my body type is, I check the box for "average," and in my photos you can't really see my body at all. Is this dishonest?
I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Part of the benefit of online dating is that you get to do a little homework about the person before you decide to meet them. Why not just put it all out there? Show a great picture of yourself that has personality, but also gets the point across without misleading them.

I've been dating my boyfriend for several years. Everything is still technically going well — we get along fine, the sex is still good — but I just find that for me, the spark is gone. How do you break up with a long-term significant other when you have no good reason to?
Be strong and approach the situation with courage and utmost respect. Most people will drudge up drama or find things to intentionally cause enough trouble to warrant a conversation about breaking up. Going about it this way is like spitting in their face, especially when there's nothing really wrong. Bottom line: your feelings have changed, you have evolved, you don't want to waste their time or your time. Do the right thing and tell them how you're feeling.

I was drunk and kissed a guy at a bar the other night. I've never cheated otherwise. Must I tell my boyfriend about this?
Do not tell him. He'll never trust you and will use this to take liberties when needed. If you want to be out making out with other boys and playing the "single girl," then I would reconsider having a boyfriend.


Will, 25

How will growing a moustache affect my ability to perform cunnilingus?
In college I had a girlfriend who was very ticklish and my moustache tickled her when I was down there. She enjoyed it. But I'm sure there are woman who find it unpleasant. You never know what will happen until you try.

I'm very outgoing and social, but my boyfriend is a total homebody and will hardly ever take me out. Can we reconcile this?
Find things that you both can do at home that are enjoyable. With the internet and cable TV, there is no shortage of ways to have fun together at home. But relationships are give and take. You have to be willing to do things that he enjoys and vice versa.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. Somewhere along the line, oral sex fell off of our sexual repertoire. What's the best way to reintroduce it?
Try having oral sex only. My girlfriend in college was waiting for marriage to have sex so we only did oral. I never complained. You just have to find ways of keeping it interesting. Use that imagination of yours, champ.

How can I make my moustache stand out from the crowd?
Grow one of those super-extravagant eighteenth-century moustaches. Or one of those giant tendril-like moustaches that look as if they could come alive at any moment.

I was drunk and kissed a guy at a bar the other night. I've never cheated otherwise. Must I tell my boyfriend about this?
Two questions: 1) What kind of kiss was it? A harmless peck? Or was this a kiss that exclaimed, "If this chair wasn't in my way I would fuck the shit out of you." 2) How many people saw you, and do any of these people know him? If the kiss was a friendly peck on the cheek then don't worry about it. If it was on the lips I think you're getting into a grey area. I believe that if you're dating someone then your lips are for them alone. If it was the more passionate kind of kiss you should tell your boyfriend. If any of your or his friends saw the passionate kiss you must tell him immediately because it will get back to him sooner or later.

I'm an overweight guy. In my online personal ad, where it asks what my body type is, I check the box for "average," and in my photos you can't really see my body at all. Is this dishonest?
Not horribly dishonest, but it isn't the best form of honesty either. If you meet someone online who likes your profile and pictures, you don't want to shock them with something they weren't expecting. It will lead to an awkward moment. And awkward moments usually don't lead to sex.


Anthony, 26

The guy I'm dating text-messages me five or six times a day. Must I text him back every time?
If it's not a question, don't text back. If it's a stupid question, don't text back. If he's really getting annoying, don't text back. Hopefully he'll get the message.

I recently started dating this girl, and I want to keep it casual (she knows this). But I have access to this beach house and I want to take her there for the weekend, just for fun. Can I do this without implying I'm looking for something serious?
I don't know the girl, but if you think she's a cling-on leave her home. If it's by a beach, then there's got to be some other tail. Take a friend and hit some bars.

How can a moustache improve my chances of getting a date?
It can't. If you're not getting any without one, you're not getting any with one. It can, however, very easily lessen you're chances if not grown and maintained properly. It's gotta fit the face.

How does having a moustache affect your ability to perform cunnilingus?
My abilities are the same, but it will inevitably feel different for her. If she likes the way it feels, great. If it seems to bother her, try not too rub it on there too much. Same goes for nipples.

I've been dating my boyfriend for several years. Everything is still technically going well, but for me, the spark is gone. How do you break up with a significant other when you have no good reason to?
In any long-term relationship there are going to be ups and downs. Maybe your feelings aren't gone forever. Wait it out a little while — but not too long. You don't want to resent them for keeping you from being happy. That's when things get ugly.

I was drunk and kissed a guy at a bar the other night. I've never cheated otherwise. Must I tell my boyfriend about this?
Been there. If you never going to see the dude you kissed again, let it go. If it's someone you know, you should probably tell.


Secor, 22

What are the appropriate steps to take following condom breakage with a one-night stand?
Unfortunately, one of the few things moustaches are not good for is preventing pregnancy and STIs (unless you count the creepiness factor induced by certain styles, which has statistically shown a dramatic reduction in the number of sexual partners). The morning-after pill should be taken within seventy-two hours. And regardless of their claims of purity and cleanliness you should get tested for all STIs.

Will growing a moustache improve my ability to perform cunnilingus?
The term "moustache ride" was not coined for naught. In fact, moustache ride is listed as a synonym for cunnilingus by www.sex-lexis.com.

I'm very outgoing and social, but my boyfriend is a total homebody and will hardly ever take me out. Can we reconcile this?
You should take the initiative, find out what his outside interests are and make it happen. If he has absolutely no affinity for affairs outside the house, then try to think of your separate social life as healthy and necessary time away from your significant other.

I take forever to orgasm. Any suggestions for how I can speed up the process?
How many times must I mention moustache rides? If you have needs beyond the standard screw, bring it up with your partner. It may take a while for them to be willing, but it is well worth the wait. That fun aside, simply taking a long time to orgasm is no biggie. Sex is fun. Who cares how long it takes?

There seems to be a resurgence in moustache popularity. How can I make mine stand out from the crowd?
A moustache is a rather versatile object and, as such, provides almost limitless possibilities. Personally, I would go for the handlebar. It has been a surefire bet for the last few millennia. Whether you go with the classic or the biker version I leave up to you.
 


Interviews by Will Doig. Sex Advice From... appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.


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Commentarium (2 Comments)

Jul 20 07 - 11:57am
dm

Those dudes can give me a moustache ride anytime!!

Oct 01 10 - 3:37pm
serialcoder

Your writing is simple great, Especially for beginners!