Advice

Sex Advice From Mormons

Pin it

Q: What's the sexiest thing about Mormons? A: Maybe it’s our suppressed sexual natures… That was a joke.

Carly, 20

What's the best thing about dating a Mormon? 
Usually we're respectful and we don't push boundaries. But these days, just ‘cause you're Mormon doesn't mean you follow every single standard of the church. So basically, dating a Mormon isn't that different from dating anyone else. But generally, most of the time Mormon guys aren't looking to screw you over; you wouldn't meet at a bar or a club, you'd probably meet through friends, so you'd know what kind of person they were. I did have a bad experience dating a Mormon once; we dated all through high school and he was my first. After we broke up I found out he had been cheating on me the entire time; he'd slept with five other girls.  
 
Why are Mormons better in bed? 
Oh, I don't think they are, unless they're experienced, and most of us aren't because we're supposed to be waiting until marriage. Experience is necessary for being good in bed, and unfortunately most of us just don't have it. 
 
My girlfriend is great. But I have one issue with her: she's very nonsexual until she starts drinking. After she's drunk, she has no problem initiating sex, but when she's sober, we basically never hook up. Am I right to feel like drunk sex isn't as authentic? 

If you want to hook up with her sober, ease into things, make out for a little, and see how she reacts to doing that sober. If you're only having sex drunk, then maybe there's a problem there. Maybe she’s not attracted to you? Maybe you’re smaller than she’d like? Whatever it is, I don't think it's good.  
 
I've just discovered the guy I've been dating is a virgin. He's not opposed to oral sex, so we've been doing that, but we stop short of penetration. I've never had a relationship where I didn't have sex and I'm unsure of how to proceed. Is oral sex enough? 
He's probably just scared! I think it takes time to get good at sex, and if he knows that you’re not a virgin, I'm sure he's worried about not pleasing you. I'd say talk about it and be like, “I want to do this with you. I can show you how to please me." But if he's not ready yet, you’ve got to wait! 
 
I was raised in a very religious household, and even though I'm no longer involved in that faith, I still have feelings of guilt after sex. Am I doomed to feel bad about sex forever or is there a way to escape my upbringing? 
Well, coming from the same place, I feel like you shouldn't feel bad about sex until it stops meaning something. I wouldn't feel bad until I was really sleeping around, and sex started to lose all meaning. Personally, I wouldn't sleep with somebody I didn't know. If I was dying to have sex, I'd do it with someone I'm comfortable with and someone who I know.  
 
I am a woman and I'm going to meet my girlfriend's family this weekend. I know they aren't very accepting of her sexuality, so I'm nervous. How do I brave the weekend? Should I avoid holding her hand and other public displays of affection?
 
I would say probably not to show too much public affection. You don't need to do that stuff to know you're in a relationship. They are parents, and you do want to show respect to them. You can make a statement about being together and hope that they will support you, but I think making out in front of the parents is disrespectful.  
 
My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. They get lunch together a couple of times a month. I am not invited. Should I be jealous?
 
Yeah, that's not good. If you’re serious about being with your boyfriend, I would suggest that you tell him you’re not comfortable with that. If he wanted to meet up with his ex every few months and have lunch, that would be one thing — you don't want to be the crazy new girlfriend. But at the same time you need to set some boundaries with him that make you comfortable.

Art, 36

What’s the best thing about dating a Mormon? 
The lifestyle. That is if you’re a non-smoker, non-drinker, love country music (a lot of Rascal Flatts), are a Republican, and don’t mind watching Disney movies. As far as dates go, forget about kissing and making out, lest you be tempted to take things a little further. Just be prepared to completely indoctrinate yourself into the religion. If your sole purpose in life is to get married and have a pile of kids (five is about average), go for it.  
  
Why are Mormons better in bed? 
Interesting question, since Mormons typically only have sex for procreation. Now, if you’re in the fundamentalist polygamy branch, sex is a woman’s most powerful weapon. If she wants any say at all with the other sister wives, her only power comes through sex, so she better be damned good at it. But as far as dating a Mormon and expecting sex, forget about it. You'll be lucky enough to get any alone time with the girl, since the two of you might be tempted by Satan to mack on each other.  
 
While together my girlfriend and I took lots of sexy pictures and even made a video or two. Now that we’ve broken up, I don’t want to part with these sexy mementos. Is it creepy to keep looking at naked pictures of my ex? 
Everyone pretty much knows that religion and pornography go to together like gay and Republican. As a Mormon, the correct response would be that you might want to examine your obsession with pornography. But it’s probably no big deal.  
  
I’m totally broke, and my lease is up in three weeks. My boyfriend of four months, who’s got plenty of money, suggested that I move in with him. Would it be wrong to accept his offer? 
Chemically speaking, you’re still in the honeymoon phase and your brain is firing off all these feel-good endorphins. It takes about a year to really see the person for who they truly are. Now, if you want to speed up that process, then moving in with this person will certainly do that. But you should really think about it. Talk to your partner openly and honestly about your concerns. If you two are on the same level with each other about your goals and dreams, then there is no reason to wait. If it’s meant to be, it's meant to be. A leap of faith might be exactly what you need to take. 
  
What’s worse: physical or emotional cheating? 
Emotional cheating? “Emotional cheating” seems like something you make up in your mind and then blame your confused partner for. Physical cheating, on the other hand, is pretty clear. And it makes you an insensitive prick.   
  
My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. Should it bother me that they get lunch a few times a month? 
Only if you don’t trust him. If it bothers you, then there are some trust issues you need to deal with. Have you been cheated on by an ex-boyfriend? It’s best to get to the core of what is bothering you, examine it, analyze it to death, and then talk to your partner about it.  
  
This cute guy asked me out, and we really hit it off. On the second date he revealed that he has a girlfriend and is in an open relationship. I’m confused. I really like him and I’m wondering if my jealousy over his girlfriend is irrational or justified. 
You need to ask this guy what his intentions are. From the Mormon perspective, polygamy is a required covenant in the afterlife. So, you might have found yourself dating a fundamentalist Mormon, which is only really super fabulous for the guy. Your feelings of jealousy are completely rational, normal, and human.  
  
I was raised in a very religious household, and even though I’m no longer involved in that faith, I still have feelings of guilt after having sex. Am I doomed to feel bad about sex, or is there someway to escape my upbringing? 
I could write a book on this one. The short answer is you can always escape your upbringing — and it’s necessary to escape it in order to grow and learn and be part of the natural cycle of life. But it takes a lot of work. If you’re a Mormon or, say, Jehovah’s Witness, you may need to completely separate yourself from your parents in order to do what’s best for you as a person.  
   
I’m a woman and I’m going to meet my girlfriend’s family this weekend. I know they’re not very accepting of her sexuality so I’m very nervous. How do I brave this weekend? Should I avoid holding her hand and other PDAs? 
As far as they're concerned, you’re going to hell anyway, so you might as well fuck her brains out right there at the dinner table.

Hannah, 27

What's the sexiest thing about Mormons? 
That's a good question. We're known as a happy, positive people. We're very family-oriented. Maybe the sexiest thing is our suppressed sexual nature… that was a joke.  
 
What's the best thing about dating a Mormon? 
Well, when you're dating a Mormon, usually you aren't having sex, so you really get to know that person. You get a better sense of their intentions. It tends to be a little bit more real — you can really find out if the other person is compatible with you. But at the same time, I think you have to have sex with somebody to understand how it is to be intimate and close to them. You need both sides!  
 
Why are Mormons better in bed? 
I would say they hold sex in higher regard. Sex is something you save for the right person and it's a way to really connect with somebody. Although, you don't really have a lot of experience, so I guess some people are naturals and others have horrible honeymoon experiences. I really want there to be a movie about how awkward Mormon honeymoons can be. It's such a weird concept to go pretty much your whole life with no one seeing you naked — I mean people mess around, but you're not supposed to — and so you're dating somebody and you're just kissing and then all of the sudden, you get married and its supposed to be okay for you to be naked and have sex with each other. And for some people, I think that’s too much.  
 
I'm totally broke and my lease is up in three weeks. My boyfriend of four months, who has plenty of money, suggested that I move in with him for awhile. Would it be wrong to accept his offer? 
I don't think so. Four months is not too long and not too short. But, the way you included the fact that he has a lot of money sounds like you want to take advantage of it. I mean, if he's offering and it's not like you're pressuring him to let you move in, it might actually make the relationship better. So if you don't have another option, do it. But I wouldn't view it as a permanent living situation.  
 
I was raised in a very religious household, and even thought I'm no longer involved in that faith, I still have feelings of guilt after sex. Am I doomed to feel bad about sex forever, or is there a way to escape my upbringing? 
I actually went through this for awhile. Not necessarily feeling guilty about sex, but the way you've been raised is something you can't really escape, unless you completely cut it out of your life. Religion plays a big part in the way that you develop, and you have ideas instilled in your head your whole life and then at some point you realize you don't feel this way anymore, but in your subconscious they're always there. As far as feeling guilty, I don't think you should feel guilty about something that's meant to happen. Anatomically, it makes sense for us to have sex; it's something amazing to do. I'd feel guilty if I were using it in the wrong way. If you were selling yourself down on the street, maybe you could feel guilty about that.  
 
I am a woman and I'm going to meet my girlfriend's family this weekend. I know they aren't very accepting of her sexuality, so I'm nervous. How do I brave the weekend? Should I avoid holding her hand and other public displays of affection? 
I would probably go into it a little on the slow side. The main thing is that they like you as a person, so be yourself. Be as open or friendly as you can. If you want to hold her hand, do it. Sometimes, you have to put other people in situations that make them uncomfortable. Otherwise they won't be able to adjust.  
 
This cute boy asked me out, and we really hit it off. On the second date, he revealed that he has a girlfriend and he's in an open relationship. I'm confused and don't have experience with this. I'm wondering if my jealousy over his girlfriend is justified or irrational.  
Ugh. Abort. I personally feel like anybody who's in an open relationship has a fear of commitment. I actually have dated a married couple that was in an open relationship, I'll be honest. It was really hard because jealousy was such a big issue. She was jealous of me, I was jealous of her, he was jealous of the other people I was hanging out with when I wasn't with them. It was not a healthy situation. Feeling jealous is completely normal, I think. You shouldn't have to split your time or energy so that somebody else can be with another partner. Personally, I'd be offended, because it's like, "Well, I'm not fully satisfied just by you, so I'm going to someone else for whatever else I need."  
 
My boyfriend is still friends with his ex-girlfriend. They get lunch together a couple of times a month. I am not invited. Should I be jealous? 
No. There are certain people you will always connect with and care about, not necessarily in a sexual way, even if you have dated them. Maybe if you've been around the two of them, you can gauge whether if the situation is friendly or if something else is going on. For the most part, if they're just causally getting lunch a few times a month, and if he's letting you know about it and he's being upfront, I'd say it's cool of him to still be friends with an ex.