Advice

Sex Advice From Neuroscientists

Pin it

untitled-3

Mike, 26

Is there a good way to have sex in a laboratory, or is it always too dangerous?

I work in sound perception. Sex wouldn’t be very dangerous in an anechoic (echo-free) room, but would probably sound pretty dangerous.

I was a test subject recently, and I found the woman running the experiment incredibly sexy. How can I get her to go out with me? Is it an ethical violation for her?mike

Umm… wait until the study is published. Then it will be ethically sound and, on top of that, she’ll likely be in good spirits.

What’s the best way to pick up a neuroscientist?

Literally? Get a firm grip, and make sure that you get your lower body into it…

How do you keep all your scientific knowledge about the mechanics of the brain from making sex seem less erotic?

Knowledge is never a problem, as long as you know how to forget yourself when need be.

I have a huge crush on a good friend, but I know he doesn’t feel the same. My problem is that he always asks me for dating advice. How can I tell him to cut it out without letting on about my feelings?

I suggest giving him just really terrible advice. Either that, or be honest with him. Hiding a huge crush for a long period of time is bound to eat away at your friendship.

I recently ran into a guy I used to go to high school with. We hated each other all four years. But when we talked briefly, he seemed charming. Should I pursue this with our bad history?

Sure! If it goes well: great! If it goes terribly: still great!

Garth, 23

I was a test subject recently, and I found the woman running the experiment incredibly sexy. How can I get her to go out with me? Is it an ethical violation for her?

Unfortunately it’s an ethical violation for her to hit on you while you’re participating in the experiment and might be a bit awkward for her. Remember, she’s already seen the inside of head. But you could always try after the experiment is over.

What’s the best way to pick up a neuroscientist?

By dazzling him or her with your brains. Preferably figuratively.garth-1

How do you keep all your scientific knowledge about the mechanics of the brain from making sex seem less erotic?

Neuroscience is sexy, so there’s no problem there. Besides, when you’re in the heat of the moment, your brain fixes that problem for you by focusing on the important stuff; there’s no way you’re going to be thinking about which neural pathways are being stimulated to release dopamine in your nucleus accumbens.

I recently ran into a guy I used to go to high school with. We hated each other all four years. But when we talked briefly, he seemed charming. Should I pursue this with our bad history?

People are always growing and changing, and the brain is still incredibly immature even in high school. If he seems charming now and you think you’d get along, there’s no reason not to go on a few dates and see how it turns out.

My girlfriend told me that she would feel hurt if she found out I still masturbated, even though we have a good sex life. How can I convince her that when I do it, it’s not a slight to her ability in bed?

Tell her that you think of her and your romps in the sack while you’re masturbating, and that the sex is so good, it’s always on your mind and that’s why you have to masturbate on the side.

Jordan, 21

I was a test subject recently, and I found the woman running the experiment incredibly sexy. How can I get her to go out with me? Is it an ethical violation for her?

If the study was about the neurological implications of STDs, then I’m afraid you’re out of luck. Otherwise, the challenge will be overcoming the context. Remember, the NILF is at work and isn’t expecting your pursuit. Start by making small talk, unrelated to the experiment — good local concerts, restaurants, etc. If you really can’t think of anything else, ask her to tell you more about the implications of her work, which will make you seem curious, intelligent, and socially adept.jordan

I noticed that every time I’ve had sex with the new guy I’m dating, he’s been drunk. Should I talk to him about it, or is it just a coincidence?

The crucial parameter is the number of times that you two have boinked. If it’s small, then give him the benefit of the doubt while you collect more evidence — i.e., have more sex. If it’s large, then there are two possibilities: he’s nervous and uses alcohol — a depressant — to quell his anxiety, or he’s always drunk. The first signals that you should do something to make him feel more comfortable, the other that you should run.

How do you keep all your scientific knowledge about the mechanics of the brain from making sex seem less erotic?

You’re forgetting something: we neuroscientists find the mechanics of the brain extremely erotic on their own accord, and the pairing of a conditioned stimulus (the mechanics of erotic feeling) with an unconditioned stimulus (real live sex) makes sex seem all the more erotic.

Is there a good way to have sex in a laboratory, or is it always too dangerous?

This largely depends on the lab. Some labs provide comfortable couches, private offices, large closets, and plenty of nooks and crannies in which to explore each other’s nooks and crannies. Other labs are more menacing, with rat guillotines, operating tables, dangerous chemicals and neurotoxins.

My boyfriend is studying in France for a year. I’m going to visit him soon, but only for a week. What’s the best way to spend the time together?

If this will be your first visit to France, I would recommend a trip to the Louvre and to Versailles. They’re standard fare for good reason. If you’ve seen it all, you two might consider taking a day trip to Bordeaux, a city in the southwest of France, famous for its vineyards. Or, try a wine class at l’Ecole du Vin.

My new girlfriend hates having people touch her back. I’m fine with that, but sometimes I have no idea what to do with my hands during sex. What can I do to keep from accidentally freaking her out?

My instinct is to suggest a slew of cognitive behavioral therapy techniques, but that could get messy. Just follow this simple advice, courtesy of Freak Nasty: put your hand upon her hip. When you dip, she dips, you dip.