Advice

Sex Advice From Occupy Wall Street Protesters

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Q: "My girlfriend expects me to pay for everything." A: "Tell her, 'I'm going through a financial crisis.'"

Dave, 32 

You're the most clean-cut guy I've seen tonight. Have you been able to connect with other people here?
I value the people here who are exchanging ideas. People here don't represent one corner of politics. There are all sorts of ideas. I made a sign, because I'd seen other people expressing their views, and I was inspired to share my own. People see my sign and talk to me about it.  

What personal stake do you have in this protest?
I'm protesting the collusion between corporations and government. A lot of people choose to protest one or the other, but I think the problem is both. It's not just bankers or politicians. There's so much power in their collusion. This is supposed to be a system for the people, but really it's a system for the cronies up top. It's keeping most people down. I know my ideas aren't perfect, but I want to see people open to changing their minds.

This seems like a good place to meet a politically conscious girl who rocks your mind.
I'm not the kind of guy who tries to hit on every hot girl he sees, but I'd love to have a conversation with someone intelligent. I got this awkward smile from one girl.

No girl was like, "I agree. Let's be friends on Facebook!" or anything?
Is it that easy? It that how it works for girls? It hasn't happened yet. I might come here again tomorrow, if I can find someone to come with me.

I recently started dating this new girl, and she's great. But here's the problem: she expects me to pay for everything. I'm struggling to pay my student loans and rent. How do I ask her to chip in more without her thinking I'm a loser?
If you really care about her, I think you should bring it up. Otherwise, are you afraid to bring it up, because you think she might think less of you? If so, maybe you don't know her well enough, or maybe she's not the right person for you. 

Do you think chivalry is outdated?
I don't know. Wasn't there this phase in the nineties when girls wanted to pay their own way? It seems like that may have faded a bit, but some women still insist on paying for themselves. I think most women are indifferent. 

Are you indifferent?
I wish it weren't an issue. We're in a pretty modern society. You should be able to treat a girl like a friend, and say, "I'll get you here, and you can get me back later." I guess the guy should pay a little bit more, but every once in a while it's fair for a girl to pay for stuff.

My good friend and I briefly hooked up over the summer, and things have been over for a while. But last week, I found out that while he was hooking up with me, he was also hooking up with other girls. Even worse, I found this out because I caught him in a lie. This is all in the past, but I'm still hurt. Am I overreacting?
I think forgiveness is a good thing, but it's pretty tough sometimes. You should stay friends, but it'd probably be a bad idea to ever hook up again, if you can't trust him. Treat him like a girlfriend.

My boyfriend just got this great new job and now he acts likes a different person. He's obsessed with status and material things. That stuff didn't impress him in the past. I know people change, but when do different values become a dealbreaker?
I think asking questions is the best way to get someone to open up. You shouldn't just say, "You're doing this" or "I don't like this." I think he might have some completely changed perception about what he does. Maybe he's really driven to advance at work and become an expert in his field. That's why I'd focus on work. Then again, maybe he's interested in someone at work.

My girlfriend and I are in a sexual rut. I feel like we're more friends than lovers. What's an easy way to spice things up?
It's easy to do the same thing over and over, so change your environment. Hang out with other people, or go to a party or club. Viewing your girlfriend from another angle and interacting in a different setting can be a turn-on.  

Holly, 19, and Lola, 18 

Why are Occupy Wall Street protesters better lovers?
Holly: We really have a thing for punk boys, and there are a lot of punk boys here.  

Would you ever go out with someone who was against Occupy Wall Street? 
Lola: Not everyone here is taking themselves so seriously. 
Holly: If a guy didn't at least find this interesting, he's probably too stiff and I wouldn't want to date him anyway. 

You're like the Lolitas of Occupy Wall Street. You must have met so many guys.
Holly: Guys are happy to meet us, but I don't think many winners are staked out here too long. 

Why? Because they don't have jobs?
Holly: Or homes or anything! 
Lola: We're some of the youngest people here, too. So that's an issue.

If Occupy Wall Street were a sex position, how would it work?
Holly: It would be dirty and smell like shame. There would be lots of hungry people involved. 
Lola: And voyeurism! 

I recently started dating this new girl, and she's great. But here's the problem: she expects me to pay for everything. I'm struggling to pay my student loans and rent. How do I ask her to chip in more without her thinking I'm a loser?
Holly: We're actually here because of our student loans. That's our platform, I guess. I wouldn't want to pay for everything my boyfriend wants, so I think it's only fair for the girl to chip in.  
Lola: I agree. He should be able to bring it up with her. I mean, he has to understand what she can afford, too.  
Holly: And if you can't afford something, there are other ways to show your love. It doesn't have to cost money… or not a lot of money, anyway.
Lola: Holly and I love each other, and we're broke. We go out to McDonald's all the time for four-dollar dinners.  

I've been faking orgasms more often than not for the last six months. I thought things would work themselves out, but they haven't. How do I come clean to my partner now?
Holly: In any honest relationship, you should feel comfortable telling your boyfriend what you want and how you want it sexually. If he doesn't want to satisfy you, he's not a good boyfriend. 
Lola: You need to give him more direction. It's up to a woman to take initiative and speak up. It's a combination of responsibility for the man and the woman. 
Holly: After the first new times of it not happening, you have to help a guy out. Show him what to do.  
Lola: He can't read your mind… or your clitoris. 

My girlfriend recently referred to one of her male co-workers as her "work boyfriend." They sit near each other and go out to lunch. Now they're texting and talking about hanging out one weekend. Is this normal, or should I be alarmed?
Holly: I really don't think that's normal. But she may not be guilty of anything. Talk to her about it. She should be willing to sacrifice a few things for her boyfriend, including a friendship with another guy. She should care if it bothers him.  
Lola: You should also talk about the term she's using. Calling someone your "work boyfriend"  is a little weird. Of course that would make some people uncomfortable. 

My girlfriend and I are in a sexual rut. I feel like we're more friends than lovers. What's an easy way to spice things up? 
Holly: Send each other dirty photos during the day, like while you're at work. 
Lola: Do things that are completely sexual. Like sexting — friends don't do that. 

Cesar, 19 

So tell me about your sign.
My friend made it for me. He wanted to go around, looking for girls. 

Have you been successful?
There were a couple smiles. He got some hugs. I've been pretty tired all day, though. I got here at six a.m. 

So you still have time to meet someone.
Yeah. I'm going to be here until it ends. 

Are you here just for girls?
No, I also came here to sleep and protest. 

What do you do when you're not here looking for girls?
When I'm not here looking for girls, I'm at Union Square looking for girls. I'm unemployed, so I have a lot of free time. I'm not going to school until spring. 

If the Occupy Wall Street were a sex position, how would it work?
It'd be like reverse cowgirl or missionary. 

But those are totally different! It wouldn't be kinkier?
I don't know. Everyone's sober here.  

I've been faking orgasms more often than not for the last six months. I thought things would work themselves out, but they haven't. How do I come clean to my partner now?
You've just got to never call him again. 

Come on. What if it gets better when we talk about it?
"What if?" a lot of things. If you're faking orgasms, there needs to be a reality check. Maybe this guy's just not good. Six months is a long time. You should've said something the second time you faked it. 

My girlfriend and I are in a sexual rut. I feel like we're more friends than lovers. What's an easy way to spice things up?
Just introduce something new in a natural way. Surprise her. If she asks, just say you want to try something new with her.

I recently started dating this new girl, and she's great. But here's the problem: she expects me to pay for everything. How do I ask her to chip in more without her thinking I'm a loser?
Tell her, "I'm going through a financial crisis. I have no money." What else can you do? If she doesn't want to go out with you because you can't spend money on her, she's not the right girl. 

My boyfriend just got this great new job and now he acts likes a different person. He's obsessed with status and material things. That stuff didn't impress him in the past. I know people change, but when do different values become a dealbreaker?
Money changes everything. He's recreating himself. Mo' money, mo' problems. Money's not important to me, though.