Advice

Sex Advice From Pastry Chefs

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Q: “What has baking taught you about sex?” A: “Give yourself more time than you think you'll need — for everything.”

June, 29

What the best reason to date a pastry chef?
We're more laid-back than chefs and more fun than bakers. There's a lot of sensuality, creativity and passion that goes into pastries, and that translates to life outside the bakeshop.

What has cooking taught you about sex?
Give yourself more time than you think you'll need — for everything.

All those sexy-tip manuals want you to drizzle chocolate sauce on your lover, or cover him in whipped cream. To me, that's always sounded like a waste of good food — and messy! In your professional opinion, does dessert have a place in the bedroom?
Only as an aphrodisiac. Real food gets everywhere: your hair, your clothes, the floor — just like at work. That’s extremely unsexy. Still, it’s preferable to the flavored lubes or body paints you'd find in an adult store. Those are an affront to taste. I'd rather use real whipped cream, but only if I whip it myself first.

What's the best way to pick up a pastry chef?
If you're at all knowledgeable about the food industry, talk shop a bit to impress us. Food workers are notoriously Dionysian, so you can probably get away with a dirty joke. But your best bet — if you’re trying to get a chef to come home with you — is to suggest you have some sort of laundry product that can get cinnamon or chocolate out of chef whites.

I recently gained twenty pounds and I think my partner is less attracted to me. We've been having sex less and less, and I can't help but blame myself. What's the best way to approach this subject with him?
Perhaps whatever caused the weight gain — stress, lifestyle change, a baby — could be what's troubling your partner, not the weight gain itself. Get some perspective, then try initiating sex more. It'll give you a confidence boost when he says "yes" to seeing you happy with yourself, regardless of your weight.

My girlfriend and I are staying with her conservative parents for two weeks over the holidays. She insists we remain celibate the whole time. She says it's a matter of respect, but it seems stupid on one hand, and no fun on the other. Is it okay to protest? How can I convince her to loosen up?
Suggest a romantic date night out one night, away from her family. Dinner, movie — and a hotel room. This is a nice gesture that says "I respect your familial wishes, but I still want to hump you."

Do you have to change the sheets before and after a one-night stand?
Before, only if they're notably filthy. After, yes.

My girlfriend and I have been monogamous for nine months. She's on the pill and we're curious about not using condoms — but also kind of nervous. Everyone says it's so much better; do you think it's worth the risk?
If you're worried about the risk of pregnancy, then you can always "double up" on birth control by using a diaphragm or IUD while on the pill. It does feel different, but not awesomely better enough to justify going without, if that's your only means of protection.

Luis, 25

What's the best way to pick up a pastry chef?
This has happened a couple of times: on the first trip in, they smile and say "Hi." Then, they try to start a conversation — which, as you see, it's real easy to me. But then they give a tip. And they come back and ask your name. I'm gay, and I work in SoHo, so it's kind of crazy.

All those sexy-tip manuals want you to drizzle chocolate sauce on your lover, or cover him in whipped cream. To me, that's always sounded like a waste of good food — and messy! In your professional opinion, does dessert have a place in the bedroom?
I’m not going to explain this, but maybe both should stay in the kitchen.

Do you have to change the sheets before and after a one-night stand?
You want the truth? I'm not going to wash my sheets every day! No, I'm just kidding. When you're in a relationship, of course not. With a one-night stand, of course you do!

My boyfriend is a very strict calorie-counter and on a perpetual diet. He's trying to be healthy, but it's really turning me off. How do you cure a chronic diet-er?
Oh my God. You know that's a problem for me because I really love to eat and my boyfriend also really loves to eat. You should tempt him with something you know he likes. I tempt my boyfriend with éclairs, since I know he really likes chocolate.

I recently gained twenty pounds and I think my partner is less attracted to me. We've been having sex less and less, and I can't help but blame myself. What's the best way to approach this subject with him?
Talk about it. I had to do that because my boyfriend doesn't work out. Plan a surprise weekend, and go dancing. It's more fun and entertaining.

My girlfriend and I are staying with her conservative parents for two weeks over the holidays. She insists we remain celibate the whole time. She says it's a matter of respect, but it seems stupid on one hand, and no fun on the other. Is it okay to protest?
I believe you should talk. The best way to understand each other is to talk. Even if you really want to do it, you should respect her. I know inside you'll think, "Damn, I really wanted to do it," but the situation is complicated.

My girlfriend and I have been monogamous for nine months. She's on the pill and we're curious about not using condoms — but also kind of nervous. Everyone says it's so much better; do you think it's worth the risk?
There's a big difference between girls and guys. I have been with my boyfriend for nine months. In the beginning, we went together to take a test and checked that everything was okay. Now we sometimes use condoms to be safe, but sometimes when we’re drunk, we don't because we know we're okay. With a girl it’s different. The pill isn't one-hundred percent safe.

Some cooks are all about improvisation. Others spend hours with recipes and mise en place. Who makes the better lover?
Both. I love being spontaneous and creative, but sometimes when you're tired, you just do it. Sometimes, I just want to sleep.

Shurika, 20

What the best reason to date a pastry chef?
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so cupcakes always help.

My girlfriend and I are staying with her conservative parents for two weeks over the holidays. She insists we remain celibate the whole time. She says it's a matter of respect, but it seems stupid on one hand, and no fun on the other. Is it okay to protest?
Send her parents out for dessert. That will give you a couple of hours.

I've only been dating this girl three months, but it's the most incredible relationship I've ever been in. I want to tell her I love her, but am scared that might scare her off. Should I wait to say anything? Or just be honest and risk freaking her out?
I would be honest. If she doesn't feel the same way back, you should know. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. I think if you're crazy in love with her, she probably feels that and is crazy in love with you, too.

My partner just moved to the opposite coast for an indefinite amount of time. I can't imagine this will work in the long term, but it's still good for the moment. Should I end things preemptively, or just ride it out?
Just ride it out. I actually did that with my boyfriend, and now we live together. We were in a long-distance relationship for six months and then he moved out here to live with me.

Do you have to change the sheets before and after a one-night stand?
I don't know about before. Definitely after.

My girlfriend and I have been monogamous for nine months. She's on the pill and we're curious about not using condoms — but also kind of nervous. Everyone says it's so much better; do you think it's worth the risk?
Yes. That probably sounds bad, but yeah.

Some cooks are all about improvisation. Others spend hours with recipes and mise en place. Who makes the better lover?
I would say the improviser someone who mixes it up and tries new things.