Mark Bibbins

What’s the best thing about sleeping with a poet?
Good books next to the bed.

People always joke that the phrase "let me read you some of my poetry" is the best way to lose a girl. Why is that? How can I use my poetry to seduce someone?
It may be an even better way to lose a guy, but never mind. It depends on the poems, and on the girl, right? It’s as unrealistic to say that there’s a poet inside us all as it is to say there’s an architect inside us all: “Why can’t I make a building?” isn’t a question you would ask if you studied marine biology. And serenading a date with a saxophone probably won’t go well if you’ve never taken a lesson.

I’ve written a love poem for my friend, who has no idea I’m interested in her.  I want to give it to her for her upcoming birthday but I’m afraid that might be coming on too strong.  What should I do? 
Now I’m wondering about the differences between a “love poem” and an “interested poem.” If you’re worried about coming on too strong, maybe start out with one of the latter and see how that goes. If you show her something, do it before (or after) the birthday, then your intentions will be clear— no ambiguity about it being a “birthday poem.”

This guy I’ve been dating is a writer and things have really been going well between us. The problem is that he showed me some of his work last week and I didn’t know how to react — it was terrible! I know it’s a huge part of his life, so I lied and said I liked it. Is this a dealbreaker? I can’t lie forever. 
If his last three books got raves in the Times, there’s a chance you need to cut him some slack. Are you more concerned that you don’t like his writing, or that you lied to spare his feelings? Is he being honest with himself when he says he’s a writer? Joan Cusack has a great line in Working Girl: “Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn’t make me Madonna. Never will.”

My girlfriend wants to cut her hair short, but I really like ladies with long hair. I know it's ultimately her decision, but I think as her boyfriend I should have some say. Am I being a controlling prick? 
Your say ends at “I think you look so beautiful with long hair.” Until she cuts it off, then keep your say to yourself.

I have trouble speaking to women in bars. A simple "hello" always feels abrupt, and yet most "lines" are cheesy. Any advice for how to get things started? 
Humor is one of the best ice-breakers we have, and something amusing is bound to happen in a room full of drunk people that you could use to start a conversation with someone, instead of a “line.”  

I'm a self-described feminist who just got out of a relationship. I've been dating again, and I always end up feeling a little offended when a guy asks me out and doesn't pay. I know that sounds hypocritical – and it's not like I don't have a job – but I can't help it. Can you believe in "equal rights" and still want a guy to buy you drinks?
There’s nothing wrong with splitting the bill, but whatever the gender(s), if you ask someone on a date, you should offer to pay.

If The Ezra Pound was a sex position, what would it be?
It would last longer than it should, you’d never know what’s going on, and it would get you thrown in an asylum.