Q: You guys are all queer, do you have any sex tips for straight women? A: Straight girls should strap it on and do it in the butt.
Shane, Honey, and Hester, Twentysomethings
I'm trying to get more into toys, got any recommendations?
Shane: Not really. If I'm not getting any I'm just not getting any. For guys you can never go wrong with a fleshlight. It's a standard I guess.
Hester: Need to get more of them myself.
Honey: Yeah, I'm really curious, it's been out for a while but the remote control bullet, you wear it, or your partner wears it. And I was thinking when would I use it, but you know if you're going out it would be great.
Yeah I really like those, they're making these science fiction ones now.
Shane: Yeah, like the alien one? There's a company that was making zombie ones and then they were doing zombie dildos and I was like, ”I want those for the sheer humor factor.” I want these horror themed ones. My drag that I do is all horror themed so…it's a lifestyle.
How do I recruit a straight person to be gay?
Honey: Go give them a hug.
Hester: Touch their butt.
Shane: Liquor always helps.
Honey: I would go up to them and just be like, “Ooh, you look so cuuuuute.”
Shane: Charm 'em, charm 'em. Use your amazing charm. Gotta use it.
Do you have a favorite joke or something that you would use to charm somebody?
Shane: Ooh, no. I'm all about pet names, though. Everyone's “Darlin',” “Sweetie,” “Honey”—she's actually named “Honey” so that makes things confusing. But yeah, pet names are the first step in affection.
I assume you guys are all queer, do you have any sex tips for straight men or straight women?
Hester: For guys, go down on your lady. And be open to them using toys. Cause I feel like there's like this—like, you don't use toys with your straight boyfriends. My straight girlfriends always make fun of me for thinking that they should.
Shane: And straight guys, don't be afraid to play with your b-hole! It's a thing. The prostate is right there. Women are not lucky enough to have the ability that men do to get pleasure from your anus. Have fun.
Honey: And straight girls should strap it on and do it in the butt.
Jason Simone, 26
I'm thinking of asking a girl out but I'm not sure if she's queer. What should I do to assess her level of potential interest?
Mention the Vagina Monologues. I don't know, I'm really bad at lesbian things.
What if I were a guy and I were trying to figure out if another guy were queer?
This is also bad because I have the worst gaydar imaginable. An urban myth is that gay people have better gaydar, but it's not true. It is equally hard on our end.
Is it possible at a gay bar to meet somebody who's more than a one night stand? How do you do it?
It depends on what gay bar you're at. If you're in Manhattan in the gay scene it's all very naked, sweaty, one night stand kind of things. If you're in Brooklyn it's more like celebrating drag and being yourself and being really cool, so you can feel like you're more yourself at a gay bar.
So basically, “Go to Brooklyn” is your advice?
Yeah, you're more apt to find somebody who appreciates you in Brooklyn.
Dana, 27; and Danna "with two 'n's," 21
Danna: [pointing to shirt] Before you ask us any questions, these need to come unbuttoned. Yeah, we're gonna unbutton your shit. This one. And this one.
Dana: Get a breeze, girl, get a breeze.
I'm trying to convince some of my lady friends to masturbate more. What should I suggest?
Dana: Vibrating anything. The jackrabbit is fun.
Danna: Any hard surface you can rub your clit against? Fuck toy.
Dana: I don't need toys, I don't use toys.
Danna: Banister on the stairs, teddy bear.
Dana: Wait, are you talking about personal, by yourself? I don't use toys on my girls, I use them by myself. My face works wonders so if I am to use toys it's probably going to be one of those jackrabbit things or g-spot stimulator.
Danna: I still say any hard surface.
What's the best way to pick someone up at a pride parade?
Danna: Offer them a drink from your seedy backpack and if it's chalky, just swirl it.
Dana: I usually ask someone where they're from first. Where you're from, who you're with, where are you going.
Danna: She totally asked me where I'm from. Maybe what are your dreams…
Dana: No, that's too in-depth, that's like four drinks in, girl.
Danna: She asked like five fucking questions!
Dana: If I'm trying to pick someone up I'll be like, “Who you with, where you going after the pride parade?” and it's usually like, “Well, I'm going here, you should join me, we should drink, hang out–”
Danna:—ride a mechanical bull…
Dana: Ride a mechanical bull, that's actually my shit tonight, I'm trying to ride a mechanical bull.
I didn't know we had mechanical bulls in New York City, that's crazy!
Dana: Yes! There's like three of them. But yeah, I'm trying to ride a mechanical bull with these fine girls in Staten Island. That's actually how I found them, I was like “Yo, where you going?" That's my shit, I'm trying to bring people where I'm going.
I'm thinking of asking a girl out but I'm not sure if she's queer, what should I do to assess her level of potential interest?
Danna: Just ask.
Dana: Honestly, be straightforward. What are you into, are you into guys, you into girls, you play both fields? What do you do? Be straightforward, that's the only way you're gonna get anywhere, honestly.
My friend is in a great long term relationship, but she and her boyfriend have only slept with each other and now they want to branch out. Is it possible to open up a relationship after you've already been monogamous?
Dana: If it's like I like you as a girl but I don't like the sex that much just try to expand your options. Try toys, try some candles. Try some different shit. That's what I do. I light some candles sometimes, I'll pop on a CD.
What's your favorite sex music?
Dana: I'm more into a techno type thing, like I can work my shit to some techno, like uuh—uuh-uuh-uuh. That's me though. But if you want to get into the mood try some old school R&B if that's what you're into. Set the mood, put on the Marvin Gaye, that kind of thing. It's really based on your taste. Whatever really gets you in the mood will get me in the mood cause I'll see you're ready to go. But it has to have some kind of beat you can vibe to. She's vibing, you're vibing, you're good to go.
Kalmor, 22; and Chanel, 22
I assume you're queer, do you have any tips for straight women?
Kalmor: To be honest, I don't know what they can do but we gays we're messing with another kind of male so we know what it's like when we get our dick sucked. [Turning to a friend] She's interviewing me.
You should join in.
Kalmor: Join in! She's a lesbian.
Chanel: I'm a lesbian!
I just asked Kalmor this question but I'll reverse the gender for you—do you have any sex tips for straight men?
Chanel: They should understand that women want to be pleasured just as much as them. They should understand that they have to put in work just like we put in work. That means going down and doing anything that we want, too. It's a give and take.
What's the best way to pick someone up at a pride parade?
Chanel: Well, I just did it. You ask somebody for a cigarette, be like “Oh, can I have one?” and it starts the conversation. Or you could be like, “Oh my god I love your outfit, you look so cute.” I've been doing that, that helps a lot.
Have you had any success so far?
Chanel: I got one number so far and I just started so hopefully I get more. I'm trying to find somebody else that I think is attractive.
Kalmor: Keep it short, be smooth. But honestly, I'm not looking. I'm here to get drunk and have fun, I'm not here to look for anyone. Not like her.
Chanel: I've been looking for a wife. People love to have compliments given to them so when you give someone complements that makes them want to stick around more.
Kalmor: If you have a slutty question, I'm more than happy to answer it.
Okay, well my next question is this—I'm trying to get more into toys, do you have any suggestions?
Chanel: I don't have any toys but my girlfriend does. They are amazing. You should definitely bring toys to the sex room. It will bring your sex life to the next level.
Kalmor: Boo boo, it will spice things up. Because I'm a bottom, when it comes down to two bottoms, if you want to do something you get that double-side dildo.
Chanel: Double-side dildo is amazing. It's amazing. Ooh, is that a dog?
What's the best music to play during sex?
Kalmor: What I love is EDM. You know what EDM is? Electronic Dance Music. So basically I prefer techno cause you got that fast beat, boom boom boom. You feeling it, you feeling it. I prefer techno the most. But love songs, I'm not that kind of person to be like, “I love you.” No. You hit it to the beat and we're good and that's it.
Chanel: Or you can use a dog to talk to people.