Sex Advice From Pro-Choice Protesters

Q: Why are pro-choice women better in bed? A: We go wild, because we’re protected!

By Amanda Green

All interviews were conducted at the rallies and protests in support of Planned Parenthood that took place across the country this Saturday. 

Andrea, 24

Is a pro-choice rally a good place to meet potential dates? Why?
I’d say it’s both a good place to meet potential dates and a good test for the current person you’re dating. One boy’s sign at the Austin rally read: “My Fiancé Doesn’t Think I’m Taking This Seriously... ” and he probably wasn’t, but he’s still a trooper for showing up and acting like he was, right? He cares to be there, but he’s not that opinionated about it. Fine. Now the man with the pink shirt who showed up alone — that guy is either A. the man of your dreams or B. very strategic about where he collects phone numbers. Either way, the boy's got brains.

Why are pro-choice women better in bed?
A. Because in my experience, "being interested in reproductive health” is sometimes interchangeable with "being interested in talking/giggling about sex all the time.”
B. Because you won't have to spend three terrifying hours looking stuff up on Google after the condom breaks.
C. What's the alternative? Exactly.

My girlfriend and I have pretty different political views — I'm pro-choice, she's not — and she wants to stop using condoms. She's on the pill, but it makes me doubly nervous, since neither of us is steady enough to raise a child right now. What should we do?
I'm prefacing this by saying that my work and my beliefs have led me to be utterly biased and maybe therefore a bit unfair with my words. But basically, I'm of the opinion that being anything other than pro-choice is a personality flaw. Think about it. If she doesn't like the idea of allowing a perfect stranger to believe what they believe or choose their own destiny, then chances are she's probably a pretty controlling person who thinks she's right and everybody else is wrong. And pretty soon you're going to end up with both a baby and a no-compromise type of wife.

I’m a guy and my girlfriend is too submissive. She seems to be so wrapped up in traditional ideas of male and female roles. She expects me to pay for everything (I can’t) and never initiates sex or plans. How can we change this?
This is tough, because it's hard to blame a monster that society created. On the other hand, it's become really easy to blame a human being that's never worked up the nerve to be an individual with her own wants/needs. What's weird is that some people are still into not having opinions or desires in the name of maintaining gender roles — and what's even more weirder is me saying that I think you should respect that. If she likes boys who buy her dinner and make her little "social activity" calendars for the month, then let her go find one that will. Traditional values are extremely difficult to overcome, but especially if you don't necessarily want to overcome them. Who knows — maybe she'll eventually "man up" and realize that having somebody who potentially respects her opinions and desires is way more fun than some guy who makes monthly social-activities calendars. And then maybe you'll even get a free dinner out of it. Her treat.

My boyfriend’s sweet, but he comes way too fast almost every time we have sex. What can I do so that sex is more enjoyable for both of us?
First, you can pat yourself on the back because I think that's a boy's way of saying "I like you." But also keep in mind that it's some boys' way of saying "I have a sexual dysfunction." If it's the latter, then there are certainly things that can help. I always laugh when I see that stuff at the store called "Man-Delay." Does it work? Well, let's just say the proof is in the pudding.

I really like this guy, but I discovered he and I have really different political views. Should I just forget about him, or can we agree to disagree?
Honestly, it depends. If it's something that could directly affect the fundamentals of an adult relationship (i.e. pro/anti-choice) then GTFO. But if, for instance, you believe in unions and he doesn't, but neither one of you will ever be in the position to join one (which may come to pass in about a year or so anyway), then let life's superfluous tidbits be just that. Just keep in mind that sometimes political views are rooted in a person's basic beliefs about life and how they situate themselves in the world. (And sometimes they are just rooted in massive egos with a complete disregard for other human beings. These people call themselves a specific name, but I can't remember it right now... starts with an R.)

I’m a woman, and my girlfriend and I are planning our first threesome. How should we prepare?
Shower? I've never had a threesome, but I think some sound advice is to know your boundaries (what can go where, when, how and with who), but also — why? Know what you want to get out of it, what your partner wants to get out of it, and act on that accordingly

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Yes. As long as you remember that you’re ultimately doing yourself a disservice. It’d be like if you faked really enjoying chocolate ice cream when there are at least twenty-four other delicious flavors that you know you like. You're already eating ice cream. You should be going for the banana split with the cherry on top, because why not?

Commentarium (78 Comments)

Mar 02 11 - 11:26am
dana

Actually, I think going to Planned Parenthood will prevent STDs. Idiot.

Mar 02 11 - 1:40pm
dana

Oh. My earlier comment makes no sense because the comment it was reponding to got delated. Basically, some guy was saying the women who did these interviews have STDs. Uh, yeah.

Mar 01 11 - 12:59pm
Alex

If I am taking too long and you just want to finish why not just tell me and skip the histrionics. Some people like to go for hours and others like 15-20 minutes and be done. You gotta let the other person know your preference.

Mar 01 11 - 1:45pm
mel

Yeah, but how would you just tell someone when you're in the moment?

Mar 02 11 - 10:33am
Alex

It would be difficult to tell someone if it was a one-night stand but if you are in a relationship or even friends with benefits you should be able to tell them, "wrap this shit up, I have things to do."

Apr 13 11 - 6:20pm
Jennifer

Yeah, and "can you hurry up please?" no matter how politely conveyed, tends to set a man's O back even further.

Mar 01 11 - 1:00pm
Kateri

I would have never thought as a rally as a place to meet a date. But it makes sense.

Mar 01 11 - 3:30pm
fob

Feminist men are hot.

Mar 01 11 - 4:50pm
TAL

Hell yeah we are!

Mar 01 11 - 1:36pm
AR

Andrea is a bitch. She says take the position that girlfriend whose boyfriend wants her trimmed shouldn't listen to him, since its her body. Well, of course it is. But, there's compromise and accommodation, too. There's no indication that the boyfriend wants her bare. How about trimmed a little, so her pubic hairs don't stick to his teeth when he goes down on her? Or, so it's easier to clean the urine off after she's peed, and less smelly? Yes, the girlfriend can ask the boyfriend to trim his balls, too. It never occurred to me to do so until a girlfriend asked a few years ago, and now, it just feels weird not to be trim down there. (Plus, my cock seems bigger). It's ironic that the same woman who advises someone not to shave because it's her body also thinks that a couple who want to have a threesome shouldn't do so because it might complicate their relationship.

Apr 13 11 - 6:24pm
Jennifer

Bitch is a bit harsh, never mind disturbingly gender-specific. My grooming habits are 100% my decision, and my husband's cunnilingus habits are 100% his domain. He bought me a nice electric shaver and gives me great head when I shave, and doesn't give me a hard time when I don't. Positive feedback and compromise at its best-- and nobody is a "bitch" when exerting one's preferences.

Mar 01 11 - 2:21pm
ra

wow, they're all kind of self-important pricks.
i would've thought empowered women wouldn't be so bitchy.

Mar 01 11 - 5:11pm
AT

That's funny. I thought this was the best column yet. Smart and, did I mention really smart, women!

Mar 01 11 - 6:04pm
dana

ra, people like to describe empowered women as "bitchy." It's a synonym, apparently. I like all of these women and think their advice is way more thoughtful that the typical people in these pieces.

Mar 02 11 - 12:37am
RW

No, dana, people like to describe bitchy women as bitchy. You can be empowered without being a bitch - most women just haven't figured out how. (Much like how few guys can have a commanding presence without coming off as an asshole/douche)

Mar 02 11 - 1:14pm
Emily

Not so. Commanding men are douches.

Jun 19 12 - 10:59am
Bertha

I have to disagree with Emily. Think about Jean Luc Picard. commanding? Yes. Douchey? no. It can be done, but it can be tough.

Mar 01 11 - 2:27pm
KT

Andrea: " Think about it. If she doesn't like the idea of allowing a perfect stranger to believe what they believe or choose their own destiny, then chances are she's probably a pretty controlling person who thinks she's right and everybody else is wrong."

You pretty much summed up yourself and all the other women in this interview.

Mar 01 11 - 2:40pm
EF

this is an advice column. as in - these people are giving their advice, after being asked for it.

Mar 01 11 - 3:07pm
KT

Wow, thank you for clearing that up.

I was merely saying that she (along with the others) suffer from the “personality flaw” that she described.

Mar 01 11 - 3:46pm
EF

OK, but the descriptor of controlling doesn't really apply when person A is actually asked for their opinion, and gives it. They aren't controlling anybody - they're giving advice, because they were asked for it. Nor are they saying that their opinions matter more than the next person. If you equate solicited opinions to being "controlling," then stop reading advice columns.

Mar 01 11 - 4:46pm
PC

Everyone pretty much thinks s/he is right and everybody else is wrong, but I think Andrea(1)'s point is that someone who is anti-abortion is likely to be intolerant of others acting in accordance with beliefs that don't align with her/his own. It's different to be intolerant of views that infringe on others' rights.

Mar 01 11 - 4:53pm
totally

seconded, KT. they really should have just answered every question with, "I dunno, do what you think is right."

Mar 01 11 - 5:12pm
AT

KT is a woman-hater. Unfortunate.

Mar 01 11 - 5:25pm
KT

Actually, I have no problems with women ( being a woman myself). I just find Andrea's answers very self-righteous i.e, " political views... sometimes they are just rooted in massive egos with a complete disregard for other human beings. These people call themselves a specific name, but I can't remember it right now... starts with an R."

Mar 01 11 - 5:57pm
SB

KT isn't a woman hater. She's something much more sinister....starts with an R.

Mar 01 11 - 6:10pm
KT

My political party identification is not even American. I'm a British citizen and have voted for the Labour Party every time. But thanks for just presuming I'm Republican.

Mar 01 11 - 11:32pm
AT

eh, unfortunately you can still be a woman-hater as a woman. Read on your feminist history, girl. Stop hating. You're where you are because of women like these 3 interviewed up here.

It really pains me that even such an inconsequential column like a Nerve "we asked..." column gets so much misogynistic trash-talk.

Mar 02 11 - 1:16pm
Emily

I love you AT. I've noticed that some women don't always realize just how women-hating they often are. We need to stop being so damn competitive and realize we are all in the same boat.

Mar 02 11 - 6:53pm
K

Being a woman, I've felt more hate from other women than I have from men. All of the ladies in my feminist theory classes have agreed.

Mar 02 11 - 7:38pm
KT

I'm not a woman-hater. I'm simply not fond of Andrea because of the generalization she makes about Republicans. That is my biggest issue with her. Frankly, I’m so sick of those kinds of remarks being thrown back and forth between Democrats and Republicans (and other parties). It only tears the country apart further.

Mar 03 11 - 5:28pm
Well

What about "all the other women," who were apparently also controlling and self-righteous? You weren't just saying "I just don't like that she ridiculed people's right to vote how they will," so stop back-pedaling.

Mar 06 11 - 2:17am
CS

Well, KT, I guess it's a good thing you're not an American, then. Why don't you go ahead and get your nose out of politics you have no right to have voice in, ok? Then you won't have to listen to the important American political discourse you feel such disdain for!

Mar 06 11 - 4:08am
KT

I stated that ONE of the problems I had with her specifically is that she played the political card. It was unnecessary for her to take a jab at all Republicans.

And, I am currently a resident ( but not in the country right now) of the United States. Therefore although not a citizen and don't have the right to vote YET, the American political discourse is important to my everyday life. I also never claimed that I had a disdain for American politics... I merely said it had problems.

Moreover, people all over the world voice their opinions everyday on the political discussions of other nations, even if it does not directly impact them.

Mar 08 11 - 8:09am
Too old to remeber

Andrea is 24. 24 year olds, be they males or females, know nothing. So any advice given should be taken with a grain of salt.

Apr 12 11 - 3:28pm
Paz

KT, these women are fighting for the right to CHOOSE. A common misconception is that pro-choice = pro-abortion. That's not so. They are fighting so that women can make their own decisions, and if they don't believe in abortion that is their right to choose not to. The "pro-life" stance does not support a woman's rights to choose what she believes in. These women recognize the importance of CHOICE, and they should be supported.

Mar 01 11 - 2:32pm
Grady LaLa

Remember, girls, it's always ok to be deceptive, because after all, we are the weaker sex, and rather than speaking up about what we want, we should use our feminine wiles to fool men into doing what we want.

Mar 01 11 - 11:33pm
AT

Sometimes the best way to stop a douche from pumping, is by faking it. Not women's problem, really (or sadly, kind of ours, but more the dudes' with little to no skills in bed. This is why I vote Lesbian :D).

Mar 02 11 - 12:39am
RW

Or you could, I don't know, not sleep with douches?

Mar 01 11 - 2:46pm
LH

Even though Andrea is very, very forcefully pro-choice, I like her advice. It's very sound I think.
Though, so many of them said faking it is ok...

Apr 13 11 - 6:27pm
Jennifer

Faking it is bad, but it is roughly analogous to a man assuring his woman she is beautiful all the time (even when it isn't true). Women have body issues, men have ego issues, and this is one area where honesty is sometimes trumped by love (and sometimes by desire to avoid conflict).

Mar 01 11 - 3:43pm
S

Maybe Andrea fallaciously assumes everyone who isn't out protesting abortions, murdering doctors, and burning down clinics is pro-choice and a-ok. Her labels are impractically rigid.

Mar 01 11 - 4:48pm
JM

People need to start distinguishing between the two Andreas.

Mar 01 11 - 4:49pm
Well

Brianna at least had a hell of a head on her shoulders. Not particularly clever advice but straight-forward and dead-on.

Mar 01 11 - 4:52pm
Jeff3

Is there a reliable stat about which gender is more likely to be pro-life vs. Pro-choice?

Mar 01 11 - 5:07pm
Publius

What a vapid bunch of women. Yaaawwwwwnnnnnn.

And incidentally, Andrea (page 3), not a fan of your boobs. Pay for your own mammogram. What a moronic sign she's carrying.

Mar 01 11 - 11:32pm
Pinkie919

Do you know what a mammogram is? It's a cancer screening. You're suggesting that healthcare not cover cancer screenings!?

Mar 02 11 - 1:54am
Karen

Actually, mammograms are radiation. A cause of breast cancer is RADIATION to the chest. Radiation cancer is cumulative. No, I don't want to pay for others' mammograms, so I can pay for their cancer treatments later. Thermograms ladies, thermograms!

Mar 02 11 - 7:00pm
K

Actually, Karen, according to the National Cancer Institute,

"Mammograms require very small doses of radiation. The risk of harm from this radiation exposure is low, but repeated x-rays have the potential to cause cancer. The benefits, however, nearly always outweigh the risk."

The same article says that women who have had radiation THERAPY to the chest before the age of 30 have slightly increased risk of breast cancer. Mammograms aren't recommended for women under 30, and mammograms certainly are not considered radiation therapy.

Are you also going to say that I shouldn't get an x-ray for a broken arm because I might get cancer from the small amount of radiation I was exposed to?

Apr 13 11 - 6:30pm
Jennifer

Publius, the point of the signage is that a society that monetizes/profits from breast tissue so thoroughly (via advertising, various industries, etc) has an ethical obligation to contribute to the cost of breast health as well.

Mar 01 11 - 5:20pm
Dee

I think it's strange that they've all said it's OK to fake it.

It's really not.

I also don't like that Andrea thinks that someone conforming to non-empowered stereotypes needs to be "freed", as if it's so awful. You know, ladies, feminism basically means that someone can't fucking tell me what I want to do with my life/body and yet, you're saying that I need to live my life to conform to some feminist ideal? What's ideal for you is maybe not ideal for her.

These girls are young, I'll give them that. They're also highly confused.

Mar 01 11 - 5:48pm
IT

I don't think it means she wants her to be "freed." If anything, she gave the advice to let his girlfriend be who she wanted to be. I personally agree that being restricted by gender roles is pretty limiting to a person, but at least she didn't tell him to stay with her and force her to be someone she's not.

Mar 01 11 - 8:45pm
nope

I think Dee is talking about Andrea #2 and IT is talking about Andrea #1. Andrea #2's advice towards the submissive girl as incredibly pretentious. "Tell her it's 2011. She doesn't have to conform to Victorian gender stereotypes." And you don't have to talk down to someone just because they have different ideals than you.

Mar 02 11 - 5:08pm
Dee

Yes, sorry, I didn't realize there were two Andreas. I was referring to the second one.

I feel that her opinion on that is misguided and fueled by a sense of self satisfaction with her choice in being a feminist.. but controlling women, their actions, their choices... feminism is a freedom from these very things. What she says is downright patronizing.

Mar 01 11 - 6:09pm
Non-Troll

It's interesting that this particular version of the "Sex Advice From A..." column is receiving such negative feedback.

Everyone is entitled to voice their opinions, but come on people...don't take every single word these girls say so seriously. Did you get this fired up when you read the "Sex Advice from Halo Players" or "Sex Advice From Men With Handlebar Moustaches" versions? Probably not. So let's all remember what section of Nerve.com we're on and chill out a bit. Ok? Ok!

Mar 02 11 - 12:09am
Non-Non-Troll

I think it's interesting that you label yourself as a non-troll to defend these women.

Wait, no. Joking. It is pretty sad the amount of hate poured on here. The comments were actually about the same hit/miss as any other "SAF..." article, with the outlier of the faking-it answer, though the caveats even there were spot-on.

Mar 03 11 - 2:41pm
krod

Hear hear, Non-Troll!

Jun 19 12 - 10:17am
Bertha

the difference, in my opinion, is that Halo players weren't deliberately insulting me for not playing first person shooters, and handlebar mustache wearers didn't explicitly say that I'm less than human for not having facial hair.

Mar 01 11 - 6:12pm
lego

people are complicated, so it makes sense that their views on something so charged as sex (or women's rights) would be similarly complicated. best i can say is that i don't agree with everything these women have to say on sex and dating, but that reflects on them specifically and not their cause as a whole.

in general, i also wish that they had chosen their words a little better. this column is for entertainment purposes (and it is funny), but some of the asides probably could have done without the more unfortunate "women judging and tearing down other women" aspects of their answers.

Mar 01 11 - 11:30pm
AT

It's more like they were tearing up men for being the doofooses they are. Like you, I assume.

Mar 02 11 - 12:41am
RW

I wonder, if I keep scrolling down this comment section, will you ever have anything worthwhile to say?

Mar 01 11 - 6:24pm
dana

You said it, lego. These women are pro-choice, but they speak for themselves, and that's perfectly fine. They were asked to give their personal opinions. It's the whole point of the column. The fact that some commenters are getting upset shows their own discomfort with and prejudice of feminism.

Mar 01 11 - 9:41pm
Married Tom

Gotta love an answer with "I'm of the opinion that being anything other than pro-choice is a personality flaw" and "chances are she's probably a pretty controlling person who thinks she's right and everybody else is wrong." unironically in the same paragraph.

Mar 01 11 - 9:57pm
Carrie

having an opinion about something and straight up telling other people what to do are 2 diff things, dude.

Mar 02 11 - 12:33am
Eric

Not really. Abortion opponents are telling her not to get one. She's telling them not to vote Republican. Currently this country allows a woman to have an abortion. A man could have an abortion too, if he could get pregnant in the first place. This country also allows a citizen 18 or older who hasn't been convicted of a felony to vote.

Mar 02 11 - 12:29am
B.

Hey Nerve,
Why are all your pro-choice activists female? Reinforcing the idea that only women care about women's issues, are we?

Apr 13 11 - 6:32pm
Jennifer

Same reason why all the computer programmers were male, I suppose.

Mar 02 11 - 12:38am
Eric

I can see where the right to lifers come from. They abortion as unethical and destructive. As a greenie, I say this: welcome to my world.

Mar 02 11 - 1:51am
LLL

I'd like to say it's refreshing to hear ladies saying they've faked it only because they're the ones who have come too soon and have to wait for their partner to finish. Story of my life.

I don't condone faking it because I think it's unnecessary and it's a bummer that people are having sex that they don't want or have stopped enjoying but I also don't think there's anything wrong with making someone feel good about themselves if you can't get there.
Communicate, y'alls!

Apr 13 11 - 6:35pm
Jennifer

I agree, but how many times can a person refuse sex or make it clear they're just going through the motions before the relationship suffers? There's a whole advice-column industry devoted to the matter. No wonder people have sex for reasons other than enjoyment (and feign as if they do enjoy it). The stakes can be high.

Mar 02 11 - 1:18pm
Chelsea

Why do people get down on girls who like being submissive. Nobody gets down on guys who like being submissive. Being dominated is sometimes really sexy, okay?

Mar 02 11 - 11:23pm
Johnny

People need access to Real Sex Advice if they want to educate themselves on sex! It only makes sense to learn from others who've experienced what you've gone through before. If you have an open mind, I highly recommend you checking it out:

www.RealSexAdvice.com

Mar 04 11 - 12:18pm
Okay

I am pro-life when it comes to my own body and it would be the advice I would give to a friend who ever ASKED me for the advice. However, abortion should be legal and I would never tell anyone what they should do with their body, especially if they did not solicit my opinion. I would like the same respect from the pro-choice crowd. (reaction to Andrea's "everyone who is pro-life is not worth dating" comment).

Mar 04 11 - 11:02pm
then

I think when it comes to a political philosophy, you'd be defined as pro-choice. i'm pro-choice and if I ever got pregnant, I would probably have a child too. the opposite of pro-life is not pro-abortion... Being pro-choice means just that: that every individual's beliefs should be respected. If only all pro-lifers had the same philosophy as you and respected others decisions.

Mar 05 11 - 2:24am
yeah

That's pro-choice. Pro-life is the label for people who think abortion should be illegal. Pro-choice is saying the choice should be in your own hands, not just ABORT EVERYTHING.

Apr 13 11 - 9:26am
Deon

I'm out of legaue here. Too much brain power on display!

Jun 06 11 - 2:36am
guggalow

Lol women. Always mad about something.

Jun 18 12 - 7:49pm
Bertha

This lady really comes across as pompous, judgmental, and elitist. I don't like her attitude of "if you're not down with abortion, you're fundamentally flawed."