Advice

Sex Advice From Pro-Choice Protesters

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Q: Why are pro-choice women better in bed? A: We go wild, because we’re protected!

All interviews were conducted at the rallies and protests in support of Planned Parenthood that took place across the country this Saturday. 

Andrea, 24

Is a pro-choice rally a good place to meet potential dates? Why?
I’d say it’s both a good place to meet potential dates and a good test for the current person you’re dating. One boy’s sign at the Austin rally read: “My Fiancé Doesn’t Think I’m Taking This Seriously… ” and he probably wasn’t, but he’s still a trooper for showing up and acting like he was, right? He cares to be there, but he’s not that opinionated about it. Fine. Now the man with the pink shirt who showed up alone — that guy is either A. the man of your dreams or B. very strategic about where he collects phone numbers. Either way, the boy's got brains.

Why are pro-choice women better in bed?
A. Because in my experience, "being interested in reproductive health” is sometimes interchangeable with "being interested in talking/giggling about sex all the time.”
B. Because you won't have to spend three terrifying hours looking stuff up on Google after the condom breaks.
C. What's the alternative? Exactly.

My girlfriend and I have pretty different political views — I'm pro-choice, she's not — and she wants to stop using condoms. She's on the pill, but it makes me doubly nervous, since neither of us is steady enough to raise a child right now. What should we do?
I'm prefacing this by saying that my work and my beliefs have led me to be utterly biased and maybe therefore a bit unfair with my words. But basically, I'm of the opinion that being anything other than pro-choice is a personality flaw. Think about it. If she doesn't like the idea of allowing a perfect stranger to believe what they believe or choose their own destiny, then chances are she's probably a pretty controlling person who thinks she's right and everybody else is wrong. And pretty soon you're going to end up with both a baby and a no-compromise type of wife.

I’m a guy and my girlfriend is too submissive. She seems to be so wrapped up in traditional ideas of male and female roles. She expects me to pay for everything (I can’t) and never initiates sex or plans. How can we change this?
This is tough, because it's hard to blame a monster that society created. On the other hand, it's become really easy to blame a human being that's never worked up the nerve to be an individual with her own wants/needs. What's weird is that some people are still into not having opinions or desires in the name of maintaining gender roles — and what's even more weirder is me saying that I think you should respect that. If she likes boys who buy her dinner and make her little "social activity" calendars for the month, then let her go find one that will. Traditional values are extremely difficult to overcome, but especially if you don't necessarily want to overcome them. Who knows — maybe she'll eventually "man up" and realize that having somebody who potentially respects her opinions and desires is way more fun than some guy who makes monthly social-activities calendars. And then maybe you'll even get a free dinner out of it. Her treat.

My boyfriend’s sweet, but he comes way too fast almost every time we have sex. What can I do so that sex is more enjoyable for both of us?
First, you can pat yourself on the back because I think that's a boy's way of saying "I like you." But also keep in mind that it's some boys' way of saying "I have a sexual dysfunction." If it's the latter, then there are certainly things that can help. I always laugh when I see that stuff at the store called "Man-Delay." Does it work? Well, let's just say the proof is in the pudding.

I really like this guy, but I discovered he and I have really different political views. Should I just forget about him, or can we agree to disagree?
Honestly, it depends. If it's something that could directly affect the fundamentals of an adult relationship (i.e. pro/anti-choice) then GTFO. But if, for instance, you believe in unions and he doesn't, but neither one of you will ever be in the position to join one (which may come to pass in about a year or so anyway), then let life's superfluous tidbits be just that. Just keep in mind that sometimes political views are rooted in a person's basic beliefs about life and how they situate themselves in the world. (And sometimes they are just rooted in massive egos with a complete disregard for other human beings. These people call themselves a specific name, but I can't remember it right now… starts with an R.)

I’m a woman, and my girlfriend and I are planning our first threesome. How should we prepare?
Shower? I've never had a threesome, but I think some sound advice is to know your boundaries (what can go where, when, how and with who), but also — why? Know what you want to get out of it, what your partner wants to get out of it, and act on that accordingly

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Yes. As long as you remember that you’re ultimately doing yourself a disservice. It’d be like if you faked really enjoying chocolate ice cream when there are at least twenty-four other delicious flavors that you know you like. You're already eating ice cream. You should be going for the banana split with the cherry on top, because why not?

Brianna, 25

Is a pro-choice rally a good place to meet potential dates?
It’s not out of the question. You can meet someone anywhere. And if you want a partner who’s also into women’s rights and activism, this could be a good place.

Why are pro-choice women better in bed?
We’re not worried about getting pregnant. We know we have options.

My boyfriend complains that I have too much pubic hair. All the other girls he’s been with waxed, but I don’t like how it looks or the pain. Can we compromise on this, or is it a bigger issue?
I’m not into waxing, but I think there could be a compromise. There are fun designs you can do. Or vajazzling. 

I’m a guy and my girlfriend is too submissive. She seems to be so wrapped up in traditional ideas of male and female roles. She expects me to pay for everything (I can’t) and never initiates sex or plans. How can we change this?
Tell her it’s 2011. If women are going to fight for equal rights, they have to act like equal partners. I’m all for chipping in for dinner and making the first move.

My boyfriend’s sweet, but he comes way too fast almost every time we have sex. What can I do so that sex is more enjoyable for both of us?
Give him a few minutes and try again. If it keeps happening, that’s a problem. Tell him to masturbate more so he’ll last longer.

I really like this guy, but I discovered he and I have really different political views. Should I just forget about him, or can we agree to disagree?
It depends. As long as views are known and discussed in a healthy way and not an argumentative way, it’s great to converse with someone who has other views. But if things get hostile, it’s over.

My best gay friend recently came to me asking if I’d consider having a child with him in the next few years. I’m considering it, but I just started dating someone new. Do I have to tell my new love interest about this?
I think you have to put it out there. Not on a first date, but if things get really serious and committed, you have to share it. Your potential partner has to be okay with you maybe having a child with your friend.

I consider myself open-minded, but I’m not that adventurous sexually. What’s the best way to expand my sexual horizons?
I think sex toys and porn are great options. What’s scary is seeking someone on Craigslist or some other site to play with. Start on your own. If you can’t be sexually comfortable with yourself, you won’t be comfortable with others.

My girlfriend is really sexy, but she’s so quiet in bed. How do I get her to make some noise?
Maybe she’s just nervous about breaking the silence. If you put some music on, she might be more comfortable. Don’t play anything too clichéd, though!

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Yes. When you have those guys who just keep going and going and you’re done, you can fake it to end it. If you’re having a truly bad sexual experience, though, I think the guy needs to know it. Don’t fake it and let him think he’s great. 

Andrea, 29

Is a pro-choice rally a good place to meet potential dates?
Absolutely. A pro-choice rally is a place where men can go to find really awesome and empowered women. If that’s what you’re looking for — and why wouldn’t you be looking for that? — there’s no better place.

Why are pro-choice women better in bed?
We pay attention to our bodies. We take care of our reproductive health. We explore contraceptive options. We go wild, because we’re protected!

My boyfriend complains that I have too much pubic hair. All the other girls he’s been with waxed, but I don’t like how it looks or the pain. Can we compromise on this, or is it a bigger issue?
Tell your boyfriend to suck it up. It’s your body — you can do what you want. Maybe he should shave his balls.

I’m a guy and my girlfriend is too submissive. She seems to be so wrapped up in traditional ideas of male and female roles. She expects me to pay for everything (I can’t) and never initiates sex or plans. How can we change this?
You need to empower your girlfriend and make her realize she doesn’t have to conform to Victorian gender stereotypes. It’s 2011. She needs to stand up for herself and own her power. We’ve come a long way.

I really want to make a sex tape with my boyfriend. How can I convince him?
Tell him it’s just for the two of you, and he can keep it at his place locked away. It’s something nice to do together to show their love for each other and then watch it later. It’s an awesome thing to see your love the way a third party would.

I’m a woman, and my girlfriend and I are planning our first threesome. How should we prepare?
I’m sort of opposed to threesomes. If you’re in a serious relationship with someone, I think bringing in another person is a mistake. There’s going to be jealousy and emotions you didn’t anticipate. Experimenting with your partner might be a better solution.

My best gay friend recently came to me asking if I’d consider having a child with him in the next few years. I’m considering it, but I just started dating someone new. Do I have to tell my new love interest about this?
Yeah. Even a new person you’re seeing needs to know about that. And either he’ll love you for it and think you’re an awesome friend, or he’ll realize he can’t deal with it and get out before anyone’s too hurt.

I consider myself open-minded, but I’m not that adventurous sexually. What’s the best way to expand my sexual horizons?
Go to a sex-toy store. Watch some porn.

Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Absolutely. It’s okay when he’s just taking too goddamn long. If you’re tired, ready to go to bed, and you already got yours, then it’s fine to fake it.