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March 1, 2011
Andrea, 29
Is a pro-choice rally a good place to meet potential dates?
Absolutely. A pro-choice rally is a place where men can go to find really awesome and empowered women. If that’s what you’re looking for — and why wouldn’t you be looking for that? — there’s no better place.
Why are pro-choice women better in bed?
We pay attention to our bodies. We take care of our reproductive health. We explore contraceptive options. We go wild, because we’re protected!
My boyfriend complains that I have too much pubic hair. All the other girls he’s been with waxed, but I don’t like how it looks or the pain. Can we compromise on this, or is it a bigger issue?
Tell your boyfriend to suck it up. It’s your body — you can do what you want. Maybe he should shave his balls.
I’m a guy and my girlfriend is too submissive. She seems to be so wrapped up in traditional ideas of male and female roles. She expects me to pay for everything (I can’t) and never initiates sex or plans. How can we change this?
You need to empower your girlfriend and make her realize she doesn’t have to conform to Victorian gender stereotypes. It’s 2011. She needs to stand up for herself and own her power. We’ve come a long way.
I really want to make a sex tape with my boyfriend. How can I convince him?
Tell him it’s just for the two of you, and he can keep it at his place locked away. It’s something nice to do together to show their love for each other and then watch it later. It’s an awesome thing to see your love the way a third party would.
I’m a woman, and my girlfriend and I are planning our first threesome. How should we prepare?
I’m sort of opposed to threesomes. If you’re in a serious relationship with someone, I think bringing in another person is a mistake. There’s going to be jealousy and emotions you didn’t anticipate. Experimenting with your partner might be a better solution.
My best gay friend recently came to me asking if I’d consider having a child with him in the next few years. I’m considering it, but I just started dating someone new. Do I have to tell my new love interest about this?
Yeah. Even a new person you’re seeing needs to know about that. And either he’ll love you for it and think you’re an awesome friend, or he’ll realize he can’t deal with it and get out before anyone’s too hurt.
I consider myself open-minded, but I’m not that adventurous sexually. What’s the best way to expand my sexual horizons?
Go to a sex-toy store. Watch some porn.
Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
Absolutely. It’s okay when he’s just taking too goddamn long. If you’re tired, ready to go to bed, and you already got yours, then it’s fine to fake it.
Commentarium (78 Comments)
Actually, I think going to Planned Parenthood will prevent STDs. Idiot.
Oh. My earlier comment makes no sense because the comment it was reponding to got delated. Basically, some guy was saying the women who did these interviews have STDs. Uh, yeah.
If I am taking too long and you just want to finish why not just tell me and skip the histrionics. Some people like to go for hours and others like 15-20 minutes and be done. You gotta let the other person know your preference.
Yeah, but how would you just tell someone when you're in the moment?
It would be difficult to tell someone if it was a one-night stand but if you are in a relationship or even friends with benefits you should be able to tell them, "wrap this shit up, I have things to do."
Yeah, and "can you hurry up please?" no matter how politely conveyed, tends to set a man's O back even further.
I would have never thought as a rally as a place to meet a date. But it makes sense.
Feminist men are hot.
Hell yeah we are!
Andrea is a bitch. She says take the position that girlfriend whose boyfriend wants her trimmed shouldn't listen to him, since its her body. Well, of course it is. But, there's compromise and accommodation, too. There's no indication that the boyfriend wants her bare. How about trimmed a little, so her pubic hairs don't stick to his teeth when he goes down on her? Or, so it's easier to clean the urine off after she's peed, and less smelly? Yes, the girlfriend can ask the boyfriend to trim his balls, too. It never occurred to me to do so until a girlfriend asked a few years ago, and now, it just feels weird not to be trim down there. (Plus, my cock seems bigger). It's ironic that the same woman who advises someone not to shave because it's her body also thinks that a couple who want to have a threesome shouldn't do so because it might complicate their relationship.
Bitch is a bit harsh, never mind disturbingly gender-specific. My grooming habits are 100% my decision, and my husband's cunnilingus habits are 100% his domain. He bought me a nice electric shaver and gives me great head when I shave, and doesn't give me a hard time when I don't. Positive feedback and compromise at its best-- and nobody is a "bitch" when exerting one's preferences.
wow, they're all kind of self-important pricks.
i would've thought empowered women wouldn't be so bitchy.
That's funny. I thought this was the best column yet. Smart and, did I mention really smart, women!
ra, people like to describe empowered women as "bitchy." It's a synonym, apparently. I like all of these women and think their advice is way more thoughtful that the typical people in these pieces.
No, dana, people like to describe bitchy women as bitchy. You can be empowered without being a bitch - most women just haven't figured out how. (Much like how few guys can have a commanding presence without coming off as an asshole/douche)
Not so. Commanding men are douches.
I have to disagree with Emily. Think about Jean Luc Picard. commanding? Yes. Douchey? no. It can be done, but it can be tough.
Andrea: " Think about it. If she doesn't like the idea of allowing a perfect stranger to believe what they believe or choose their own destiny, then chances are she's probably a pretty controlling person who thinks she's right and everybody else is wrong."
You pretty much summed up yourself and all the other women in this interview.
this is an advice column. as in - these people are giving their advice, after being asked for it.
Wow, thank you for clearing that up.
I was merely saying that she (along with the others) suffer from the “personality flaw” that she described.
OK, but the descriptor of controlling doesn't really apply when person A is actually asked for their opinion, and gives it. They aren't controlling anybody - they're giving advice, because they were asked for it. Nor are they saying that their opinions matter more than the next person. If you equate solicited opinions to being "controlling," then stop reading advice columns.
Everyone pretty much thinks s/he is right and everybody else is wrong, but I think Andrea(1)'s point is that someone who is anti-abortion is likely to be intolerant of others acting in accordance with beliefs that don't align with her/his own. It's different to be intolerant of views that infringe on others' rights.
seconded, KT. they really should have just answered every question with, "I dunno, do what you think is right."
KT is a woman-hater. Unfortunate.
Actually, I have no problems with women ( being a woman myself). I just find Andrea's answers very self-righteous i.e, " political views... sometimes they are just rooted in massive egos with a complete disregard for other human beings. These people call themselves a specific name, but I can't remember it right now... starts with an R."
KT isn't a woman hater. She's something much more sinister....starts with an R.
My political party identification is not even American. I'm a British citizen and have voted for the Labour Party every time. But thanks for just presuming I'm Republican.
eh, unfortunately you can still be a woman-hater as a woman. Read on your feminist history, girl. Stop hating. You're where you are because of women like these 3 interviewed up here.
It really pains me that even such an inconsequential column like a Nerve "we asked..." column gets so much misogynistic trash-talk.
I love you AT. I've noticed that some women don't always realize just how women-hating they often are. We need to stop being so damn competitive and realize we are all in the same boat.
Being a woman, I've felt more hate from other women than I have from men. All of the ladies in my feminist theory classes have agreed.
I'm not a woman-hater. I'm simply not fond of Andrea because of the generalization she makes about Republicans. That is my biggest issue with her. Frankly, I’m so sick of those kinds of remarks being thrown back and forth between Democrats and Republicans (and other parties). It only tears the country apart further.
What about "all the other women," who were apparently also controlling and self-righteous? You weren't just saying "I just don't like that she ridiculed people's right to vote how they will," so stop back-pedaling.
Well, KT, I guess it's a good thing you're not an American, then. Why don't you go ahead and get your nose out of politics you have no right to have voice in, ok? Then you won't have to listen to the important American political discourse you feel such disdain for!
I stated that ONE of the problems I had with her specifically is that she played the political card. It was unnecessary for her to take a jab at all Republicans.
And, I am currently a resident ( but not in the country right now) of the United States. Therefore although not a citizen and don't have the right to vote YET, the American political discourse is important to my everyday life. I also never claimed that I had a disdain for American politics... I merely said it had problems.
Moreover, people all over the world voice their opinions everyday on the political discussions of other nations, even if it does not directly impact them.
Andrea is 24. 24 year olds, be they males or females, know nothing. So any advice given should be taken with a grain of salt.
KT, these women are fighting for the right to CHOOSE. A common misconception is that pro-choice = pro-abortion. That's not so. They are fighting so that women can make their own decisions, and if they don't believe in abortion that is their right to choose not to. The "pro-life" stance does not support a woman's rights to choose what she believes in. These women recognize the importance of CHOICE, and they should be supported.
Remember, girls, it's always ok to be deceptive, because after all, we are the weaker sex, and rather than speaking up about what we want, we should use our feminine wiles to fool men into doing what we want.
Sometimes the best way to stop a douche from pumping, is by faking it. Not women's problem, really (or sadly, kind of ours, but more the dudes' with little to no skills in bed. This is why I vote Lesbian :D).
Or you could, I don't know, not sleep with douches?
Even though Andrea is very, very forcefully pro-choice, I like her advice. It's very sound I think.
Though, so many of them said faking it is ok...
Faking it is bad, but it is roughly analogous to a man assuring his woman she is beautiful all the time (even when it isn't true). Women have body issues, men have ego issues, and this is one area where honesty is sometimes trumped by love (and sometimes by desire to avoid conflict).
Maybe Andrea fallaciously assumes everyone who isn't out protesting abortions, murdering doctors, and burning down clinics is pro-choice and a-ok. Her labels are impractically rigid.
People need to start distinguishing between the two Andreas.
Brianna at least had a hell of a head on her shoulders. Not particularly clever advice but straight-forward and dead-on.
Is there a reliable stat about which gender is more likely to be pro-life vs. Pro-choice?
What a vapid bunch of women. Yaaawwwwwnnnnnn.
And incidentally, Andrea (page 3), not a fan of your boobs. Pay for your own mammogram. What a moronic sign she's carrying.
Do you know what a mammogram is? It's a cancer screening. You're suggesting that healthcare not cover cancer screenings!?
Actually, mammograms are radiation. A cause of breast cancer is RADIATION to the chest. Radiation cancer is cumulative. No, I don't want to pay for others' mammograms, so I can pay for their cancer treatments later. Thermograms ladies, thermograms!
Actually, Karen, according to the National Cancer Institute,
"Mammograms require very small doses of radiation. The risk of harm from this radiation exposure is low, but repeated x-rays have the potential to cause cancer. The benefits, however, nearly always outweigh the risk."
The same article says that women who have had radiation THERAPY to the chest before the age of 30 have slightly increased risk of breast cancer. Mammograms aren't recommended for women under 30, and mammograms certainly are not considered radiation therapy.
Are you also going to say that I shouldn't get an x-ray for a broken arm because I might get cancer from the small amount of radiation I was exposed to?
Publius, the point of the signage is that a society that monetizes/profits from breast tissue so thoroughly (via advertising, various industries, etc) has an ethical obligation to contribute to the cost of breast health as well.
I think it's strange that they've all said it's OK to fake it.
It's really not.
I also don't like that Andrea thinks that someone conforming to non-empowered stereotypes needs to be "freed", as if it's so awful. You know, ladies, feminism basically means that someone can't fucking tell me what I want to do with my life/body and yet, you're saying that I need to live my life to conform to some feminist ideal? What's ideal for you is maybe not ideal for her.
These girls are young, I'll give them that. They're also highly confused.
I don't think it means she wants her to be "freed." If anything, she gave the advice to let his girlfriend be who she wanted to be. I personally agree that being restricted by gender roles is pretty limiting to a person, but at least she didn't tell him to stay with her and force her to be someone she's not.
I think Dee is talking about Andrea #2 and IT is talking about Andrea #1. Andrea #2's advice towards the submissive girl as incredibly pretentious. "Tell her it's 2011. She doesn't have to conform to Victorian gender stereotypes." And you don't have to talk down to someone just because they have different ideals than you.
Yes, sorry, I didn't realize there were two Andreas. I was referring to the second one.
I feel that her opinion on that is misguided and fueled by a sense of self satisfaction with her choice in being a feminist.. but controlling women, their actions, their choices... feminism is a freedom from these very things. What she says is downright patronizing.
It's interesting that this particular version of the "Sex Advice From A..." column is receiving such negative feedback.
Everyone is entitled to voice their opinions, but come on people...don't take every single word these girls say so seriously. Did you get this fired up when you read the "Sex Advice from Halo Players" or "Sex Advice From Men With Handlebar Moustaches" versions? Probably not. So let's all remember what section of Nerve.com we're on and chill out a bit. Ok? Ok!
I think it's interesting that you label yourself as a non-troll to defend these women.
Wait, no. Joking. It is pretty sad the amount of hate poured on here. The comments were actually about the same hit/miss as any other "SAF..." article, with the outlier of the faking-it answer, though the caveats even there were spot-on.
Hear hear, Non-Troll!
the difference, in my opinion, is that Halo players weren't deliberately insulting me for not playing first person shooters, and handlebar mustache wearers didn't explicitly say that I'm less than human for not having facial hair.
people are complicated, so it makes sense that their views on something so charged as sex (or women's rights) would be similarly complicated. best i can say is that i don't agree with everything these women have to say on sex and dating, but that reflects on them specifically and not their cause as a whole.
in general, i also wish that they had chosen their words a little better. this column is for entertainment purposes (and it is funny), but some of the asides probably could have done without the more unfortunate "women judging and tearing down other women" aspects of their answers.
It's more like they were tearing up men for being the doofooses they are. Like you, I assume.
I wonder, if I keep scrolling down this comment section, will you ever have anything worthwhile to say?
You said it, lego. These women are pro-choice, but they speak for themselves, and that's perfectly fine. They were asked to give their personal opinions. It's the whole point of the column. The fact that some commenters are getting upset shows their own discomfort with and prejudice of feminism.
Gotta love an answer with "I'm of the opinion that being anything other than pro-choice is a personality flaw" and "chances are she's probably a pretty controlling person who thinks she's right and everybody else is wrong." unironically in the same paragraph.
having an opinion about something and straight up telling other people what to do are 2 diff things, dude.
Not really. Abortion opponents are telling her not to get one. She's telling them not to vote Republican. Currently this country allows a woman to have an abortion. A man could have an abortion too, if he could get pregnant in the first place. This country also allows a citizen 18 or older who hasn't been convicted of a felony to vote.
Hey Nerve,
Why are all your pro-choice activists female? Reinforcing the idea that only women care about women's issues, are we?
Same reason why all the computer programmers were male, I suppose.
I can see where the right to lifers come from. They abortion as unethical and destructive. As a greenie, I say this: welcome to my world.
I'd like to say it's refreshing to hear ladies saying they've faked it only because they're the ones who have come too soon and have to wait for their partner to finish. Story of my life.
I don't condone faking it because I think it's unnecessary and it's a bummer that people are having sex that they don't want or have stopped enjoying but I also don't think there's anything wrong with making someone feel good about themselves if you can't get there.
Communicate, y'alls!
I agree, but how many times can a person refuse sex or make it clear they're just going through the motions before the relationship suffers? There's a whole advice-column industry devoted to the matter. No wonder people have sex for reasons other than enjoyment (and feign as if they do enjoy it). The stakes can be high.
Why do people get down on girls who like being submissive. Nobody gets down on guys who like being submissive. Being dominated is sometimes really sexy, okay?
People need access to Real Sex Advice if they want to educate themselves on sex! It only makes sense to learn from others who've experienced what you've gone through before. If you have an open mind, I highly recommend you checking it out:
www.RealSexAdvice.com
I am pro-life when it comes to my own body and it would be the advice I would give to a friend who ever ASKED me for the advice. However, abortion should be legal and I would never tell anyone what they should do with their body, especially if they did not solicit my opinion. I would like the same respect from the pro-choice crowd. (reaction to Andrea's "everyone who is pro-life is not worth dating" comment).
I think when it comes to a political philosophy, you'd be defined as pro-choice. i'm pro-choice and if I ever got pregnant, I would probably have a child too. the opposite of pro-life is not pro-abortion... Being pro-choice means just that: that every individual's beliefs should be respected. If only all pro-lifers had the same philosophy as you and respected others decisions.
That's pro-choice. Pro-life is the label for people who think abortion should be illegal. Pro-choice is saying the choice should be in your own hands, not just ABORT EVERYTHING.
I'm out of legaue here. Too much brain power on display!
Lol women. Always mad about something.
This lady really comes across as pompous, judgmental, and elitist. I don't like her attitude of "if you're not down with abortion, you're fundamentally flawed."