Sex Advice From Pub-Trivia Nerds

Q: “Why are trivia players better in bed?” A: “Because we’re more grateful when it happens."

By Carly Pifer

Chris, 24

How many times have you been to trivia night?
Like a hundred. I love trivia. I apply every time applications come around to Jeopardy and Who Wants to be a Millionaire? I would do Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?, but I feel like even though you win more money, it's embarrassing. What you win in money you sacrifice in dignity.

Would you ever date someone who sucked at trivia?
Probably not. It sounds terrible but, I feel like if someone sucked at trivia, it would be like a litmus test of their view on life. If you're not good at trivia you probably aren't the type of person who enjoys learning.

Harsh. Why are you being an asshole?
I don't want to be an asshole. I am hardcore about trivia. I've come here on many a first date.

To test them?
No not to test them... fine, a little bit. But really, it's like a peacock showing its plumage — “I'm good at trivia, be impressed with me.” Also there's drinks and pizza and that's my perfect date.

What kind of useless knowledge do you employ in the bedroom? 
If I'm employing it in the bedroom, it is not useless. You know the Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series? They released one about dating which I read cover to cover. So I know that the best way to get really high boots off is to apply pressure from the back; that releases the vacuum seal and they just slip right off.

How can I get into the pants of a trivia champion?
I guess by being a champion. You know, celebrities always date other celebrities. Tell them something they don't know yet. That always turns me on.

Like, “You're smarter than me? I totally want to fuck you!” Why are trivia players better in bed?
Um... I was about to say something mean.

Say it! 
Because we're more grateful when it happens.

A lot of people I've met tonight are so self-deprecating.
I think being self-deprecating makes you better in bed. Sex is always better when you can laugh about it afterwards. There's a certain ironic outlook that trivia players have; we understand that we're nerds and that's fun for us. Even when sex is bad, we have fun doing it because it's fun to laugh at ourselves. Some people get into bed, and they start making "Rrrrrr, we're having sex now" faces. But sex is better when everything goes wrong.

Whenever I go out, guys ask for my number. I’m never interested in them, but I don’t know how to say no, and I'm either screening my calls or engaging in stupid texts for the next two weeks. How do I politely decline when a nice person asks for my number?
I have the same problem because I'm most charismatic around people that I'm not attracted to. So what ends up happening is I have this string of people that are interested in me because I'm awesome around them... anyway.

You get shy when you like someone?
Very shy. The best way to avoid that problem is to surround yourself with people that you actually are interested in, because then, the people who you're not interested in see that and they don’t approach you.

Isn't trivia a competitive sport?
I guess. I'd say most people aren't too competitive at trivia. There's pizza, there's booze. It's an opportunity to drink, hang out with friends, and use your knowledge to impress people. But really it's about the fun. 

Below the belt, do you prefer shaved, wax, or natural?
I shave.

Expect the same?
I don't care on other people. I like the feeling of my own being shaved. But on other people, I don't care as long as it's not crazy. I mean there are people where it's a little too much —  it shouldn't look like Bob Ross' trees on The Joy of Painting.