Rabbi Laura Baum, 32

www.ourjewishcommunity.org

What's your relationship status?
I'm single.

What's it like to date a rabbi?
Some people are intimidated by it, some think it's cool, and some are neutral. I know I'm just a normal person, but some people don't see that. They think I read the Torah all day. They're surprised I watch 30 Rock and liked The Hangover. Sometimes when I'm out, I tell people and they go, "Oh, I didn't know women could be rabbis." Or, "Oh, I didn't know rabbis could drink beer." Or, "I didn't know rabbis could date." But what they're basically saying is, "I didn't know rabbis could have sex."

So you'd say most single rabbis have had pre-marital sex?
I would say yes in the liberal Jewish community. It's probably about the same as in the general population. Judaism isn't a religion where people think sex is bad or unnatural.

Do you think the dating scene is different for male rabbis vs. female rabbis?
I do. The wife of a male rabbi is traditionally called a rebbetzin, which is historically someone who bakes cookies for the synagogue and takes care of everyone. Obviously, that's changed. Not all women who marry rabbis are like that now. But a lot of men don't know how to think of themselves in that role. Some male rabbis really want to be with women who want to be with rabbis, if that makes sense. They want someone to really be into the Jewish community, but that's not necessarily what I'm looking for. I just want to be with someone who's supportive and okay with me being a rabbi.

Do rabbis ever get together?
You see that a lot. But that has its challenges, too. A couple has to find two rabbinic jobs in the same city. If you both work in a congregation, then you don't really get to spend holidays together.

Why are rabbis better lovers?
Well, I certainly wouldn't say that's true of all rabbis. I represent a more liberal branch of Judaism, so I'd say rabbis are open-minded. Rabbis also understand a lot about relationships.

My boyfriend's Jewish, and I'm a gentile. I'm not particularly religious, but he says he wants to have a Jewish family with a Jewish woman. We love each other and aren't thinking about marriage at this point, but are we wasting each other's time?
I don't think you're wasting each other's time, as long as you're both open with each other. In this case, it sounds like no one's being misled. If both partners can enjoy the relationship now for that it is, then that's great. When one person's ready to transition to something long-term and they agree it's not going to work, then it's time to end the relationship. I also know that views about this sort of thing change a lot. The important thing is to talk about it.

My girlfriend says her mom is her best friend and tells her super-intimate details about our relationship. I've asked my girlfriend not to share so much — especially after her mom has brought certain issues up with me — but she says this is just the way things are. How should I deal with my girlfriend's meddling mom? 
Oy. I can see why it would make someone uncomfortable. The first step is to express to the girlfriend that it bothers you. If she's not going to change it, that's not a relationship that should continue. A couple has to agree on boundaries.

Do you see a lot of these cases of the stereotypical Jewish mother in your work?
I can't say that I do. Lots of moms are really good at meddling and guilt. We don't have the monopoly on it.

I love everything about the man I'm dating except having sex with him. We're just not that sexually compatible. We've been together a long time, but I know I've had better sex with other partners. Is this a dealbreaker?
First of all, I'd encourage you to explore whether this is really about the sex or something else. Perhaps this couple needs to get help together through a counselor or sex therapist. You can't get everything you need from your partner. Some provide better sex; some provide better friendship. What do you want from your partner? How important is sex with this partner? Could you potentially be with your partner and find sexual fulfillment elsewhere?

Nearly six months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend, who had previously been my long-term platonic best friend. In hindsight, I wish we'd never dated, because now everything's awkward and we don't speak. How can we rebuild our friendship?
I would hope that it's possible to rebuild a friendship, but it's difficult. Once you move a relationship from platonic to intimate, it inherently changes the relationship. I don't think you can ever go back to where you were before. You can't recreate the friendship from the past, but you can try to rekindle something. It could take years, and some topics of conversation should probably remain off-limits. Your ex doesn't want to hear about your dates.