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Sex Advice From . . . Real-Estate Agents

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Sarah, 25

Since moving in with my roommate, I’ve learned she’s a real prude and doesn’t want me to bring guys home. What should I do?
Find out what kind of shows and concerts she’s into and buy her some tickets.

My boyfriend and I are thinking about moving in together, but we can only afford a studio. Should we take it?
I would hold off. Since moving in with my husband, our biggest fights are about bathroom space.

I can only orgasm when on top. Any tips for coming while on the bottom?

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Use a pillow to elevate your lower area. If you get the right angle going, you can hit that spot that you hit when you’re on top.

My roommate has been masturbating on our living-room couch, and he doesn’t know that I know. How do I get him to stop?
Have a black-light party. If there’s evidence, it’ll shine through, and your roommate will be so embarrassed he’ll stop.

I work early in the mornings, so I often go home early while my boyfriend stays out late. Should I be worried he’ll cheat on me?
I would mostly be worried about who he’s out with more than the fact that he’s out. If he’s going out with married guys, then it’s just married guys having a good time. If he’s going out with single guys a lot, he may start getting in that frame of mind that he’s single. He might start thinking to himself, "I feel like I’m single, so I might as well go ahead and be single so I can do what they do." It’s easy to get wrapped up in the singles scene.

Sometimes I’m too tired for sex, and my boyfriend takes it personally. How can I let him know that it has nothing to do with him?
I have the opposite problem. My husband is always tired and I’m always ready to go. I used to take it personally, but after a while I realized it’s not a personal thing — he’s just narcoleptic. But I don’t take sleep as a no. You can get someone aroused when they’re half-asleep.

Real-estate agents have a reputation for being sleazy. How can I make being sleazy work to my advantage when trying to get laid?
Keep the sleaze out of work, but definitely keep it in the bedroom. I always need to find new ways to keep things interesting. Those times when my husband is too tired, the sleaze will wake him up. He’s really into the whole real-estate-agent thing. He likes it when I’m in my business suit and skirt. He likes it when I leave it all on when we have sex — even the shoes.

Randi, 24

When is it okay to have sex in an apartment you’re showing?
I guess if an apartment were vacant it would be okay, but I’d have weird feelings about doing it on other people’s things.

Sometimes I’m just too tired to have sex, and my boyfriend takes it personally. How can I let him know it has nothing to do with him?
After having a baby, I’m in this situation a lot. After a baby, you just feel disgusting. I talk to him about that. I tell him how I feel, and usually after I voice the whole, "I just pushed a watermelon out of my cooter" argument, he gets the point.

Real-estate agents have a reputation for being sleazy. How can I make sleazy work to my advantage when trying to get laid?
Use whatever your assets are. For instance, I’ve got boobs, so I’m good with any sort of look that has to do with boobs. The same goes for whatever you have — just emphasize it.

I want to cut my hair really short, but my boyfriend wants me to grow it long. What should I do?
If I wanted to cut it short, I would cut it short. He’d either like it or he wouldn’t. And if he didn’t, it’ll grow. If a guy cares that much about that kind of thing, he’s not worth my time.

I work early in the mornings, so I often go home early while my boyfriend stays out late. Should I be worried he’ll cheat on me?
I wouldn’t worry unless I had evidence. There would have to be something else going on, like him coming home with panties in his pocket. If he’s just hanging out with the guys, he’s just hanging out with the guys.

Steve, 54
steveadams.reeceandnichols.com

I want to make a sex tape with my boyfriend, but he’s hesitant. How can I make him more comfortable?
Do it behind his back [by hiding the camera] and he’ll never know it. There was a guy here in Kansas City who was doing that for a while.

Is it okay to sleep with my real-estate broker to get a better deal on an apartment?
There’s a lawsuit in there somewhere. Lovers always get mad sooner or later. I’d steer clear of it.

My boyfriend looks at Internet porn. Should I be worried?
Oh, no. Porn is porn — some people like it, and some people don’t. It all depends on what type of relationship you have. Sometimes he wants too much sex for her, so he goes and gets off in another room.

When is it okay to have sex in an apartment you’re showing?
It’s probably not okay. It wouldn’t be worth it to lose your license. But there have certainly been a few clients I wouldn’t have minded doing that with.

I work early in the mornings, so I often go home early while my boyfriend stays out late. Should I be worried he’ll cheat on me?
Yes. Because it’s going to happen, especially if there’s alcohol involved. Look at it this way: our parents gave us curfews for years because they know what happens late at night
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Michael, 29
lanixter.com

My boyfriend and I have really loud sex, and the broker for the apartment we’re considering moving into has made clear that it’s "a very quiet building." Should we still take the apartment?
Yeah. It’s not like you’re playing loud music all the time. You’re having loud sex. Just because it’s a quiet building doesn’t mean you can’t be loud once in a while. The other tenants are just going to have to live with it.

I want to make a sex tape with my boyfriend, but he’s hesitant. How can I make him more comfortable?
Start with still pictures. Once you’ve got him comfortable with that, you can bust out the video camera.

Is it okay to sleep with my broker to get a better deal on an apartment?
It’s okay to sleep with them, but it’s not going to guarantee you a better deal. Generally all brokers cut commissions to make a deal regardless. We don’t control it. Overall, it comes down to the owner and what kind of cuts he or she is willing to make.

I’m a woman who can only orgasm when on top. How can I come when I’m on the bottom?
I’ve found that when a woman keeps her legs closed it’s more pleasurable for her, as opposed to when she’s spread-eagle.

I want to cut my hair really short, but my boyfriend wants me to grow it long. What should I do?
That’s a tough one. I love women with long hair, and I always got my way by being persistent with my girlfriends about how I like it. So I’d say the girl should be persistent until she gets her way, too.

There’s an apartment I love but can’t afford. The owner offered to lower the price if I go down on him. What should I do?
Get it in writing first. 

Interviews by Emily Farris. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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