Sex Advice From Republican Activists

"The French are into hairy women, and if the French like it, it's got to be wrong."

by Alexa Scordato

Paul, 23

Campaigned for Bush

I'm a liberal who's sleeping with a staunch Republican. Is this relationship doomed?
The relationship isn't doomed, but it'll take some compromising. If you listen to each other's opinions, you'll eventually learn to accept some of them as your own. If not, at least pretend to agree half of the time. You'll avoid a lot of fights that way.

When is it okay to talk politics on a date?
Always. You just have to make sure you sound smart doing it. If you're not confident about what you're saying or you don't know your facts, your date will think you're an idiot. Don't hold back from getting into a debate either. If you both come out of it without killing each other, that's grounds for a second date.

What's your strategy for getting someone into bed on the first date?
Have the whole date planned out and always act like you're in control of the situation. Women gravitate towards that.

Are you a bush supporter? How can I tell when it's time to groom down there?
When a woman takes off her underwear, a man does not want to feel like he's opening to the first page of The Jungle Book: Pop-Up Edition. The French are into hairy women, and if the French like it, it's got to be wrong.

I'm a bleeding-heart liberal, and I'm meeting my significant other's Republican parents for the first time. How do I make a good first impression?
I hate to say it, but what you wear matters. Don't show up in a Che Guevara T-shirt and a pair of Birkenstocks. Look like you care about making a good first impression. And you will most absolutely keep your mouth shut if they say something you disagree with. The last thing you want is to get into a heated argument over dinner. They'll never accept you after that.

Any tips on picking someone up at a political convention or rally?
It depends what kind of political rally you're going to. If you're going to some liberal protest, I would recommend not washing your hair for a week, finding a grungy hoodie made from hemp and writing a hackneyed slogan on oak tag that relates George W. Bush to Adolf Hitler. If you're going to a conservative rally, dress sharp.

Where's a good place to have an orgy?
In terms of strict logistics, I would have to say in the middle of a golf course after midnight — subtle lighting, nobody around and plenty of soft grass.

What's the best place to pick up a conservative?
J. Crew.

 

John, 25

www.youngrepublicans.com

I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. Do I lose the guy or my friend?
The relationship should be over immediately. As for your friend, she needs to go right away too. I don't have a very forgiving heart, and it's pretty clear they didn't care about you to begin with. If they did, they wouldn't have done it.

What's your strategy for getting someone into bed on the first date?
Be a gentleman and ask if you can hold her hand. Chicks usually dig that. They think it's sweet and polite that you asked instead of just grabbing them and assuming it's all right. Then turn on the charm, smile a lot, see if they want go back to your place to watch a movie. If you get that far, go for the kill.

Where's a good place to have an orgy?
Probably the hot tub or a pool. I've had sex with one person in both, so I can only imagine what a lot of people in that situation would be like.

I'm a liberal who's sleeping with a staunch Republican. Is our relationship doomed?
I'm dating a Democrat right now, and sometimes it can be really good. Having two different views in a relationship is important. You find out a lot out about a person based on their opinions. It also makes it fun when there's a political fight because that usually leads to better makeup sex.

My partner likes me to talk dirty, but sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. How can I acclimate to it?
Start simple. Just say what's on your mind in terms of what you want your partner to do, and then think of a different way to say it — a naughtier way. See how they react. You shouldn't just come right out and call a guy or girl "my dirty little bitch."

How can I tell when it's time to groom down there?
I'm a fan of shaved, but I also don't mind a bit of hair. I do have a fantasy for it to be trimmed into something like a landing strip or maybe a palm tree. You know it's time to groom when it starts getting stuck in your teeth. Then it's just nasty and impolite.

Next: "Being silent just for the sake of stability is foolish..."

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