Advice

Sex Advice From Roadies

Pin it

widebigicon

Jonny Fuller, 27

www.cobrastarship.com
www.ratatatmusic.com

www.stonetemplepilots.com

Sleeping with groupies on a tour — good or bad idea?

Both. Well, it’s usually a bad idea because they’re probably with every other band dude that comes through town, but it’s a good idea because it gives you a story to tell. It’s tough out there on the road.

This guy I really want is the lead singer of a band, but he always has girls all over him. How can I really catch his attention?

“Travis, I’m pregnant.” Lead singers are always surrounded by the ladies — especially if they’re good-looking dudes, and they usually are. One way to get through the crowd is to be into his music. Have more respect for it. Separate yourself from the fan girl. Nobody wants to be with a girl who’s totally obsessed but ignorant about the music. Have some passion. Your best place to meet a band after a show is the truck stop, so try that. Follow the bus to some truck stop, or some Wal-Mart.

My boyfriend is a roadie and is going on a long tour soon… how do I make the relationship last?

It’s always screwed up, but to make it work, you have to have your own thing going on, so that when he’s gone for long periods of time you’re not so consumed with “I wish he would come home, I miss him so much.” Join the Peace Corps. If you have your own thing that you can do for months at a time that works well. And there are a lot of ways to stay connected now.johnny

What saucy sexual insights I can glean from a roadie?

Usually if a girl is on the bus, she wants to sort of go crazy and not have anybody else find out. That’s my theory — that deep down inside they just want to let it all out. So remember that and if you find yourself in that position, either go crazy or convince someone else to let loose a little bit. Oh, and don’t do too many drugs at once, or you won’t be able to enjoy yourself.

What are the sexual benefits of being a roadie?

You meet lots of different women from different cities from all over the world, people that you wouldn’t meet if you were always at home. And it just opens you up to all walks of life — meeting people from other countries and seeing what’s going on in their heads. Hooking up with girls from other countries sort of opens up your perspective.

I’m seeing two women right now and like them both and can’t seem to choose! Is it wrong to date two women at the same time, if they don’t find out?

They always find out.

This guy I’m seeing mentioned to me that he used to be a flasher but is “over” this bad “habit.” I’m kind of creeped out by that — should I trust him?

Gosh. You met a guy that used to be a flasher?! Wow. Well, first I’d go and throw away all his trench coats. Then I would trust him. Everyone’s got a past, and if he’s saying that he’s done with it then you should at least trust him once. But if he keeps on with it, get out of there. What a sicko.

Aaron, 34

My roommates have really loud sex and I don’t want to embarrass them by saying something — how should I approach this situation?

On tour, it’s hard to find privacy, so it’s best to keep the sound down. I’ve had sex right next to a sleeping band, and they either didn’t hear or pretended not to. I’ve also lived in places with very thin walls, and gotten my share of abuse for bringing home a howler. There was one girl named Wolf who lived up to her name. It’s all part of being in a family.

Sleeping with groupies on a tour — good or bad idea?

Its advantages and disadvantages are related to how into the person you are. Sometimes, you look like the perfect catch, since you’re only in town for one night. They don’t have to deal with the repercussions past the next day. . . but that can suck if you’re into them. Sometimes you connect with someone that you’d totally date if you lived in the same town. Then, you think about them for weeks later. Other times, you spend weeks trying to forget about them

This guy I really want is the lead singer of a band, but he always has girls all over him. How can I really catch his attention?

Don’t go for the lead singer. He’s got an ego the size of a planet and loves himself better than you. He also can’t get enough attention, which is why he’s a lead singer in a band. You’re not enough for him. Nobody is. Years from now, he will be hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, wishing he’d chosen just one of his adoring fans to be his alone. But right now, he’ll be looking deeply into your eyes, looking for his own reflection.

aaronMy significant other is a roadie and is going on a long tour soon. How do I make the relationship last?

This is a chance for you to test the limits. A don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy can work, but the problem is, if you assume he’s hooking up with a bunch of people, you might do the same thing just to avoid being imbalanced. Then, he comes back to find that you’ve slept with all his buddies while he hooked up with one girl in North Carolina. Feel him out, and if you don’t want him sleeping around, tell him you won’t and would be sad if he did. Or, just agree to be lovers when you’re in the same town… which is probably what he’s got going on in a few ports by now.

What are some ideal songs to add to my “sexytime” playlist?

“Trip and Glide” by Love and Rockets. “Butterfly” by The Verve. “Angel Sigh” by Spiritualized. “Untiedundone” by The Creatures. “All Cats are Grey” by The Cure. “Moments in Love” by The Art of Noise. Anything by Neu, Dead Can Dance, Thrill Kill Kult, or Mercan Dede.

What are the sexual benefits of being a roadie?

Well, I’m in great shape. Some people pay to work out, and I get paid to. When people see you doing really physical work, it’s inherently attractive — like, “He will defend my young.” That’s why handymen and delivery drivers are always the male leads in pornos. I’ve met all of my favorite people doing collaborative events. I meet other people who are really good at what they do. You can’t trade that confidence for any amount of hair dye. Plus, girls who know how to use power tools are really hot.

What is the ideal way to seduce a someone?

Sometimes the long gaze is all it takes, or, the prolonged physical contact while passing each other in a crowded place. A hand on the back that lingers, a kiss on the hand when being introduced. My dad used to read right out of a book called How To Pick Up Women, to the woman . . . but that was the ’70s.

Simon Hess, 25

This guy I really want is the lead singer of a band, but he always has girls all over him. How can I really catch his attention?

Lead singers are very egocentric, so you should constantly massage his ego, along with the rest of him.

My boyfriend is a roadie and he’s going on a long tour soon. How do I make the relationship last?

Support him and communicate a lot. I’m married, and you start your day with a phone call and end your day with a phone call. You call when you have your own time. You have to be supportive, you can’t be thinking terrible thoughts, you can’t be worried he’s out there doing things he shouldn’t.

What are some saucy sexual scenarios I can learn from a roadie?

Get really drunk!

This guy I’m seeing mentioned to me that he used to be a flasher but is “over” this bad “habit.” I’m kind of creeped out by that — should I trust him?

simonYes, but watch for signs of perversion.

What is the ideal way to seduce someone?

Flattery and boobs.

I’m considering getting a tattoo but can’t decide where to put it. What do you think is the sexiest part of the body to get tattooed?

Wrists. But it’s got to be big, not just a little tattoo. I mean it has to be humongous.

What are some ideal songs to add to my “sexytime” playlist?

Judas Priest. Anything by Judas Priest is a winner, I promise you. I’m not even lying, Judas Priest is the best music to have sex to.

What are the sexual benefits of being a roadie?

I appreciate what I have. And I’ll leave it at that.

Interviews by Bianca Merbaum. Sex Advice From… appears Fridays.