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Sex Advice from . . . Rock of Love Stars

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Heather, 32
Heather is the leader of the A-Team, the alpha girls of the house. Her group parties, strips and drinks hard — they reek of Sunset Strip madness circa 1986. Heather is also known as a strong-minded stripper who rats on the other girls to Bret — she says she’s just looking out for "his best interests." Visit Heather at myspace.com/hchadwell and heatherchadwell.com.

What’s your best advice for winning a man over, whether he’s famous or not?
We’re all emotional, but you have to keep some things to yourself. Men are attracted to confident, secure women, not jealous wrecks.

promotion

Did you feel like some of the girls on the show acted differently when Bret was in the room? It seems like with you, what you see is what you get.
That’s exactly me! I don’t think Erin was into him. I thought she was a phony.

Her boobs are so big.
Her boobs are so annoying. That’s why I named her Circus Tits.

Did you have a nickname for Jes and Sam too?
Clavicle for Jes, because she’s so scrawny. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a pretty girl. I actually didn’t name her — that was Brandi C. Blowjob Brandi, for Brandi M. — B.B. for short. Brandi always bragged about her blowjobs to keep herself around.

What’s the weirdest place you ever had sex, and would you recommend it?
A tanning bed. I got a tan and got laid!

Were you on the top or the bottom?
I think I was on top. I was living at this apartment complex near my boyfriend. There was a clubhouse, and they had a racquetball court. This was in Ohio. We finished a racquetball game, went in a tanning bed and got some ass.

Wasn’t it too hot?
It was hot, but it’s good to sweat it out when you’re having sex. You lose some water weight. Just don’t open your eyes — it’s not good for the eyes.

What’s your favorite drink?
Vodka and . . . vodka.

On the show you plot to get Erin kicked off and it works. Is that something you’re proud of?
That whole atmosphere wasn’t about triumphing over the girls. I wanted Bret in my life. I thought I was the best one for him. To get those girls off was necessary.

It sounds like you won the show.
I can’t say if I won or not. Keep watching.

What’s the most overrated sex toy you ever used?
The Rabbit.

Really? Shut up!
It seemed really, really big. The head thing moved around in a circle, it had little pearls and it hurt. The Pocket Rocket is the best.

Girl-on-girl hookups: worth it to turn a guy on?
Yes. If you’re hammered and you’re out and having a good time, why not? Guys love it, that’s the bottom line. I don’t care who it is, whether it’s your boyfriend or husband — if they tell you they don’t like it, they’re lying. You don’t have to go full-on lesbo, but there’s nothing wrong with grabbing a boob or doing a body shot. Guys love that crap. Then you take your man home and have great sex.

What is the ultimate sex song?
"Erotica" or "Justify My Love" by Madonna.

What’s your price tag for sex?
After living in Vegas I’ve been offered $20,000 to $30,000 to have sex with people and I turned it down. Maybe it’s because it was with married men. I’m not into the whole home-wrecking thing. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m a prostitute. I don’t know — probably for a million I would.


Lacey, 31

Lacey is the she-devil of Rock of Love. She’s pushed her opponents into the pool and up against walls. She is also known for her intense glare, which Bret dubbed "crazy eyes." Add her as a friend on myspace.com/laceyrockoflove.

I have a crush on a guy at work, but another girl is after him too. How can I beat the competition?
Go to Victoria’s Secret get one of those Miracle Bras that really push your boobs up, and smoosh them together. Start wearing a low-cut shirt with some of the buttons open — more than you should. You definitely need to look super-sexy and hot. Put smell-good lotion on.

What scent do you recommend?
A perfume called Destiny. And any chance you get, touch him. A low-cut shirt, push-up bra, smelling good and lots of touching will put you above the other girl.

What’s the best condom brand?
The ones at a seedy gas station. On your next road trip, stop at all the gross he/she bathrooms, and they have a little condom box on the wall and they have the strangest condoms, like French ticklers. One time I tried one of those, it looked really interesting but it actually hurt me. It was like having sex with a wire scrub brush.

Which Rock of Love girls do you dislike?
I never really liked Mia, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. Then one day, she’s talking about how she was the prom queen and captain of the cheerleading squad, and I was like, there it is! That’s why I don’t like you. My achievement is that I’m a prom queen? No depth. That’s her personality. She has no substance. She’s just floating through life and not really contributing anything.

What’s the most overrated sex toy you ever used?
I’m not into whips. I don’t want to be in that much pain, and I don’t want to put you in pain. Being tied up is fun, roughhousing is fun, but I don’t want to actually be hurt.

Girl-on-girl hook-ups: worth it to turn a guy on?
It depends on the girl. I could never hook up with one of my own friends.

Can you admit now that you had a threesome with Bret and Brandi C.?
It was more innocent than it looks. It was really just us being drunk, stupid and wrestling around. A little bit of making out and kissing. If you’re going to fool around with a girl and a guy, it has to be somebody you’re attracted to but don’t know that well.

Do you think it’s worth it though, just to turn on a guy?
It can never be just about the guy. It has to be about you, too. Of course you want to please your man, but you need to be pleased too.

What’s your price tag for sex?
$32,788.29.

That’s the number? It can be tax-free.
I probably wouldn’t. I’m not a prostitute.

What about an ideal scenario, like Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal?
They were really struggling though, weren’t they? I guess at the end of the day you gotta do what you gotta do to put money on the table. Fortunately, I’m not in that situation.

If they were really honest about it, I think most people would have sex for the right amount of money.
The thing that sucks is, the only reason I wouldn’t do it is because society thinks it’s so evil. If you have sex with someone for free because you got too drunk, that’s okay. But if you get paid for it, suddenly you’re a horrible person.

Is there a number you would say yes to?
I would strongly consider $30,000.


Brandi C., 25

Who could forget Brandi C.’s baby voice and her infamous one-liners? As Rodeo was crying about missing her child, Brandi C. said, "I miss my cat. I’m not kidding. I abnormally miss her." Alas, her time on the show ended with episode four, but you can still keep up with her on myspace/brandilox.

Were you horrified when your sex tape leaked on the internet?
I was really fine with it. I did it after the show. I have a lot of friends in the porn industry, and I was like, “I want to try it out and see what it’s like.” So I went to for a week and I did a couple of sites. That was it.

What’s your best advice for winning a man over, whether he’s famous or not?
With a famous guy, he’s going to be used to people throwing themselves at him, so you need to make a strong impression. Whereas a regular guy isn’t used to all the adoration, so you can be subtle with him.

Did you feel like you threw yourself at Bret on the show? You were very assertive.
It’s a different situation, because if you’re there with twenty-five other girls to get a guy, you need to chase a little bit. But in everyday life, if I put it out there that I like someone and I let them come to me, it works out better than if I chase them all the time.

What are the subtle hints to let a guy know you’re interested in him without being obvious?
Put your hands on his leg or arm during the conversation. You can say, “Oh, I need to see your nails,” or, “Let me show you this pressure point.”

What if you hook up with a guy and he texts you the next day. How long should you wait before texting him back?
Twenty minutes at least, so it doesn’t look like you were waiting by the phone.

So can you admit that you slept with Bret on the show?
That’s no comment. I’m not saying yes or no on that one.

I have a crush on a guy at work, but another girl is going after him too. How can I beat the competition?
Get him to go somewhere with you. Like, “Hey, do you want to go to this concert with me?” Somewhere platonic, but where you guys can flirt.

Should it be a group setting? Get a few coworkers to come too?
No, because that girl may want to come. She can weasel her way in.

What’s the ultimate sex song?
I like that song, “I feel like making love . . . ”

Which one?
I feel like making love? I feel like making love . . . to you and it goes on and on. I’m looking. I’m Googling it. I think it’s by Bad Company.

[I find the video on YouTube and play the song to her]
Yeah, that’s it! I like when Kid Rock covers it.

Okay, so Kid Rock’s cover of Bad Company’s “Feel Like Makin’ Love” is your answer. According to some web site, it’s rated one of the worst cover songs ever.
That’s awesome.


Rodeo (Cindy), 39
A self-described Southern belle, Rodeo feels that Bret is her soul mate and wants to win him back. She’s lived a roller-coaster life: she battled cervical cancer, was once confined to a wheelchair and lost weight to become a fitness guru. To see what Rodeo has been up to, check out her website, Usaouse.com.

What’s going on in your life?
I have a lot of things happening with my sausage.

Your sausage?
My sausage. My product that I’ve been developing for three years.

Oh! Okay?
It’s all-natural. My barbecue sauce is all-natural, too. I’ve been working on trying to better people’s health, making them feel good. My workout clothing line is going to make people shine. That’s in the works. Also, my workout video is coming out.

Sounds like things are going great.
I went on VH1 to try to win Bret’s heart and I think I did. I really did a good job in that.

I love my girlfriend but I don’t see us being together in the future. How do I gently tell her that she’s not “the one"?
If you let someone down with kindness, and you want to set them free and let them find someone who will give them what they need, in the long run they’ll respect you.

Do you respect Bret Michaels for setting you free?
Yes. I always will. He and I connected, and he let me go home to see my son for right now. And that’s what I’m doing.

Do you think you were falling in love with Bret?
Um, I felt like I was falling for him as a deep-love friendship. I think he and I connected on a level that none of the other girls did. [Pause] Woo! [She sighs heavily] I really miss him, and I love him dearly right now as the person that he is and a dear friend, and I’m hoping down the road that there’s a reunion.

What’s the weirdest place you ever had sex, and would you recommend it?
On a billboard.

A billboard!
[She let’s loose the infamous howl that’s often featured on E!’s Talk Soup.] I did! I said, “Let’s pull this car over, let’s climb up there and let’s do it.”

Would you recommend it?
I love the outdoors! Being spontaneous is the best, hot, sexiest thing you can do. I’ve done it in the pool, in the kitchen. Hell, I dressed up in a little apron. Doing things like that will keep a relationship alive. It’s a rush.

What’s your price tag for sex?
I’m not a whore.

Another Rock of Love girl said $30,000.
Oh shit! That’s clueless. You gotta respect me, sweetie.

What’s better: making love or pure fucking?
I like making love. I like to take my time with that person and show them that I care because I respect my body and I’ll respect his. If a man is going to touch me, he’s going to make love to me.

What’s the most overrated sex toy you ever used?
Hell, I never used anything I didn’t like! I wouldn’t be into those damn dolls. Why waste a penis? They’re too damn pretty. I love them. It’s a beautiful part of a man.

Who do you still keep in touch with on the show?
Jes and B.B. [Brandi M.]

I heard B.B. stands for Blowjob Brandi.
Oh God, really? I didn’t know about that. People are asking questions like, “Who do you hate?” I don’t want to talk about that stuff. I don’t want to talk bad about people. I like B.B. All those girls are nice. I don’t know if I like Lacey — she’s got a screw loose.


Big John, 37
Big John is Bret Michael’s right-hand man. He referees for the ladies’ competitions and guards Bret’s bedroom. Check out bigjohnrocks.com, and wish him happy birthday today.

What’s your best advice for winning a man over, whether he’s famous or not.
Don’t come off like you’re willing to do anything like a groupie slut. There are a million girls out there that would do anything to get on that bus. Give me your number. Let me invite you to another show. Let me introduce you to Bret.

What if a girl is vying for a normal dude’s attention?
Put on a bustier and a thong. [laughs] I will tell you this: it is so much in the eyes. I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I’ve been in titty bars, and I’ve gotten more friends simply because when they’re dancing in front of me I’m looking them in the eyes.

I love my girlfriend, but she keeps talking about our future and I just don’t see it. How do I gently tell her she’s not “the one”?
I just went through this with my daughter’s mother. You have to be fair to each other. You have to say, “I don’t see this going thirty, forty years down the road.” Because inevitably, he’s going to slip up one day, and all of a sudden there’s going to be a child involved.

What’s the weirdest place you ever had sex?
A broom closet in Nashville, Tennessee. We were at the Starwood [Amphitheater], and a girl grabbed me and pulled me into the closet. She thought that by doing me she would get to the band. [Afterward], I walked out of the broom closet, got on the bus and left.

Would you recommend having sex in a broom closet?
No.

What’s your price tag for sex?
Coors Light and a shot of Jim Beam. [laughs]

What if a girl would like to have sex with you for $50,000?
For me? No, absolutely not. I would rather have sex with a girl for nothing who appreciates herself. I can spend $100 on Hollywood and Vine to get a blowjob. I want a woman that respects herself.

What’s the ultimate sex song?
“Darling Nikki” by Prince. I love Prince. He knew how to touch everyone. He nailed it on the head when he did “Darling Nikki.” With Prince, every song was about sex. Even if you were thirteen and you just finished puberty, the minute you heard “Darling Nikki” you were like, “I’m going to crank one off to a magazine.”

Which is better: making love or pure fucking?
Pure fucking. There’s nothing better than balls-to-the-wall sex. That is the greatest thing in the world. Whether it’s with your wife, your significant other — I mean you can always make love once you find the right person, but there’s nothing more stimulating than balls-to-the-wall, animalistic sex.

Yeah, in relationships you always make love, but fucking is rare.
Exactly. Why do you think there are so many divorces? Because every once in a while everyone wants that noble, barbaric sexual encounter.

Last question: Who’s your favorite Rock of Love girl?
I really don’t have one favorite. The hardest part for me was that these girls, one by one, get eliminated, and they’re hugging Bret, but I see these girls — I don’t mean to sound weird — but I interact with them more than Bret does. These girls hug Bret and say good-bye to Bret, but it kind of hurt that none of them said, “Bye John!” Watching Flavor of Love, a lot of the girls say, “Goodbye, Big Rick.”
 

Interviews by Alexis Tirado. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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