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Sex Advice from . . . Rugby Players

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Claire, 19

What can you tell about a person’s sexual nature by the position they choose to play?
Forwards are definitely the kinkiest. We have to grab crotches, have our heads crammed between the asses of our teammates and commit to some seriously dangerous tackles, which means we fear nothing in the bedroom and can take a lot of physical play. A forward wants to be on top, to dominate and control the game. Backs are more agile, and often in better shape, so you can count on endurance in the bedroom, and still a very rowdy time.

What tips can you offer for dating in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language?
"Eye-sex" is a great way to let someone know you’re interested, and with the proper application of hand gestures, most of the important things can be communicated. If you’re looking for something long term, I would invest in classes.

My boyfriend doesn’t know I’ve never had an orgasm with him. Should I keep faking?

promotion

This is a dilemma a lot of girls face. If you care about the relationship, you need to tell him or you’ll never be satisfied and it won’t last. It won’t be fun, but neither is lying there while some poor guy goes to work until you can’t take it anymore and have to fake.

I’m dirty and sweaty after playing rugby, but I don’t want to go home to shower before I go out. How can I get laid in this state?
Go to a rugby social, where everyone else will be sweaty, dirty, bloody and drunk. Your sexual energy after those eighty minutes is certain to draw in potential partners. Sex and rugby are the same — neither is fun if you’re not getting a little dirty.

What’s the best way to end a long-term relationship?
First, do it in person. This may sound obvious, but you’d be surprised by the number of over-the-phone or — dare I say it? — online breakups there are these days. That’s just plain insulting, and it makes you look like a real waste of life. Don’t drag it out. Once it’s over, cut off contact, at least for a while. This will ease the pain for both parties and pave the way for future friendship.

Assuming they’re equally nearby, where’s a better place to have a one-night stand, yours or theirs?
I prefer theirs. At your place you reduce the chances of misplacing clothing in the dark, a problem that I find occurs with alarming frequency. And most women prefer their place, feeling safer in their own environment. But frankly, who wants to spend an hour hinting that you really have to get to work when he wants to stay and make eggs together?

I want to wear something sexy and revealing for my boyfriend, but I’m a big girl. What will work with my curves in a flattering way?
If your middle is your problem area, Empire waist sheer tops will show off your bust without hugging your waist. If you’re concerned about your hips and thighs, boys’ underwear is a cute and flattering way to be sexy.

How can I turn my casual fuck-buddy into a relationship?
Bring it up after a particularly hot lovemaking session, but consider spending some time together first.

My boyfriend and I are on the rocks. Is taking a weeklong vacation together a good or bad idea?
Postpone the trip until you feel more secure in the relationship. Let it be a celebration of your love, not a desperate attempt to save a sinking ship.


Connor, 22


What’s the best way to pick up a rugby player?
Ask about the game. Rugby isn’t as popular as a lot of other team sports like basketball and baseball, so showing an interest in it will make us interested in you.

How can I make sure the guy I just met at a bar doesn’t drink so much that I can’t get a good performance out of him later?
If you want him in game shape later that night, let him know that. Not necessarily by coming right out and saying it, but make a joke insinuating as much. Believe me, he’ll get the point, and then you will too.

Assuming they’re equally nearby, where is a better place to have a one-night stand, yours or theirs?
Theirs. If you go to your place, you risk them trying to stick around for breakfast/lunch/the holidays. If you’re at their place, you can get up and bounce at seven for your ever-so-common Sunday office meeting, or you can stick around for some bacon. And for some breakfast.

Are there any unusual positions you get into during the scrum that could be useful in the bedroom?
When you ruck over, you really need to get low and use your quads and butt, and push with your shoulders, resulting in a pretty strong lower body and strong shoulders. So put what you’ve built on the field to use when you get home — pick her up and have her straddle you. Your rucking legs will more than support her weight.

What can you tell about a person’s sexual nature by the position they choose to play?
The wings and the fullback are usually smaller, but in better shape. They’re good for long, soft lovemaking. The hooker and the first row are usually bigger and stronger, but in worse shape. They’re probably good if you just want a good strong fuck. If you want the total package, go for the flankers, fly-halves and centers.

What tips can you give me for dating in a foreign country?
Accents are hot, so play yours up, unless you’re a chick from South Boston.

I accidentally slept with my good friend while we were drunk. How can we move on with our friendship?
Apologize profusely, making it seem like it was obviously a big mistake, and that it was also totally your fault. That will give him or her the message that it isn’t going to happen again, and since you’re accepting all the red face, they won’t be embarrassed about it.

At what point should I assume my new partner and I are being exclusive with each other?
As soon as a weekend get-together is assumed.

How can playing rugby get me laid?
If you think any part of your body is ever worth showing off, it’s probably looking its best after a game because you’ve just been using all your muscles. Take a few extra minutes between taking off your jersey and putting your sweatshirt back on.

How can I turn my casual fuck-buddy into a relationship?
Ask them out for a movie or a game or whatever. Then don’t have sex. Then have sex with them the next time you see them. Then refrain on the third get-together. This will start to establish a non-sexual relationship. If they go for it, you’re in.

Jean, 18

My boyfriend and I are on the rocks. Is taking a weeklong vacation together a good idea or bad idea?
I think it’s a good idea. You’ll have an opportunity to talk everything out without distractions. True, this much time together could break the relationship, but wouldn’t you prefer to have it over and done with in one week than go through an interminable distancing process?

Are there any unusual positions you get in during the scrum that could be useful in the bedroom?
I’m a second row and an eight man, which means that during the scrum my head gets shoved — extremely tightly — between the thighs of the two women in front of me. We even wear special caps so our ears don’t get torn off. I wouldn’t recommend this in the bedroom. Most of the formations in rugby contain at least three people, so if this isn’t a one-on-one situation, a line-out might be fun.

My boyfriend doesn’t know I’ve never had an orgasm with him. Should I keep faking?
No! Tell him, explain that it’s not his fault and that you still love him, and start giving him more instruction about what you do or don’t like. It is absolutely ridiculous that he gets to come all the time and you don’t.

I’m dirty and sweaty after playing rugby, but I don’t want to go home to shower before I go out. How can I get laid in this state?
Generally, after a game of rugby, I look like I’ve just had sex in mud. My hair is everywhere, and I’m covered in dirt and sweat. Personally, I think this is pretty hot, so I avoid showering for as long as possible. The best thing about this look is that I don’t seem to be trying, and I’m not. Hit on people who look similar.

What can you tell about a person’s sexual nature by the position they choose to play?
Forwards, who do most of the tackling, are the most aggressive. Of these, the second row people are the roughest and willing to take the most pain. The props — one is called "loose" and one "tight" — are unflappable and ready for anything. The foremost figure in the scrum is called the hooker; the name says it all. As far as the backs go, they like to handle the balls and they’re fast, so take what you will from that.

What tips can you give me for dating in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language?
Smile a lot. Don’t go strange places with random men. Learn useful phrases like "Can I buy you a drink?" and "There’s a really great view from my hotel room."

Assuming they’re equally nearby, where is a better place to have a one-night stand, yours or theirs?
They both have their benefits, but I prefer their place. It’s new and more exciting. There’s the unfortunate fact that you then have to transport yourself home the next morning in yesterday’s clothes, but I like to use this trek to revel in the fact that I just got some.

Tanner, 20

What’s the best way to pick up a rugby player?
Get him a beer, be nice and tell him you like how dirty he looks. And don’t be pretentious — ruggers hate that.

I’m a man who fantasizes about getting beat up by a woman during sex. How can I make this happen?
Find a female rugby player, or check out Craigslist.

I’m dirty and sweaty after playing rugby, but I don’t want to go home to shower before I go out. How can I get laid in this state?
Hit on all your drunk fans.

What can you tell about a person’s sexual nature by the position they choose to play?
A forward won’t mind doing the hard work in the relationship; a back probably just wants to sit around and look pretty.

After how many dates should I assume my new partner and I are being exclusive?
I don’t think that’s an assumption you should ever make; you’re not exclusive until you both agree to be. Until then, it’s just expectations, and if you have expectations without the other person having the same ones, you’re bound to get fucked over. You should have the conversation after about four dates.

What tips can you give me for dating in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language?
Find a bilingual wingman who does speak the language who can translate for you. Or if you can’t find one, you can always just hand her a beer. That usually works well.  

Interviews by Noah Davis. Sex Advice From… appears on Thursdays. Have questions for the general public? Send them to sexadvicefrom@nerve.com.

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