Advice

Sex Advice From Second Life Players

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Q: What’s the best thing about sex in Second Life? A: Everything. It’s the ultimate fantasy, not inhibited by reality.

John, 21

Can you have a serious relationship on Second Life?
I think you can. I've been in at least two relationships on Second Life. They're very emotional, physical. I've learned a lot about the other person. And I've felt emotionally, it's like a real relationship. Maybe even more so.

What’s better about Second Life sex? What’s better about real life sex?
You're a little less insecure. So many relationships, it's just one person thinking "Does this person find me attractive? Am I doing well?" In Second Life, you're just interacting together, being honest and true in a way you don't really get in real life. Plus sex is all a fantasy, really. You can really create the fantasy you want to believe in Second Life. Instead of dealing with the reality like, "This person might fart soon, this person hasn't shaved, this person smells bad but I'm still going try to have an orgasm." You can have the perfect fantasy in Second Life. Whereas in real life you're just trying to make things okay. In Second Life it's all your dream, all the time.

What is the sexiest thing about a Second Life player?
Gosh, you know, all the things you can't control in real life, you can put together in Second Life. If you have a Carmen Sandiego fetish, maybe in real life it takes you years trying to subtly hint to girls, "Hey, you should wear this red leather jacket, and a hat." On Second Life, it's okay to try things that other people might find weird.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, and have fallen into the rut of boring date nights — dinner and a movie. How can we spice it up?
Just take yourself out of your own context. Open up a magazine and say, "Hey, Smackdown is coming to the local arena, let's go see Smackdown." Edge is retired unfortunately, but there are plenty of other sexy wrestlers. Cena does it for some people.

The guy I'm dating has an unusually large sexual appetite. I know I should be glad, but it's exhausting and sometimes I just don't feel like it. How can I get him to cool it so that we can do other things together, not just constant humping?
Pretend to be sick, or on your period. I guess if he has an insane appetite he might like that, though. Honestly, if that's the problem, you probably haven't learned enough about each other. You're probably at one step in the relationship and you should explore that more. Like "Hey, you're a cowboy. But what do you know about horses?"

My boyfriend is a good bit younger than me. We work very well together when we're alone, but sometimes it's tough when we go out  he's usually broke, and his friends are still reliving college. Should I be dating someone my own age? Or is it okay that we have separate social lives?
You should be dating someone your own age. Younger people are terrible. They don't have money. They're dumb. They probably have very limited experience. They probably still talk to their moms a lot. You're probably denying something if you're with some young loser.

Lately I've wanted to hook up with other girls. Is there a classy way to bring them to my place?
Just accept that it's a bad idea. You should move out.

I feel like my internet identity  on Facebook, Gchat, Twitter, etc.  is very charming, witty, and fun. But when I actually meet up with my online acquaintances, I'm shy and introverted and it always feels likes my dates are disappointed. How can I transfer my internet poise to real life?
That's a classic thing. I think we all scrutinize our own appearances so much, and no one else really cares because they're so concerned about themselves. You learn to not care what other people think about you when you realize how rarely they do. Even if you're on a first date and the person is semi-attractive, they think about it for twenty seconds, and for the rest of the date is "Does this person like me? How do I look?" If you're out together, in public, they probably like you. Accept who you are.


Gigi, 32

Can you have a serious relationship on Second Life? 
A lot of people do, and it's probably a safer way for some people to have a relationship. People interact socially in different ways, and some people who might not be able to have a interpersonal relationship in the flesh might be able to do in some other means. I think some people can release more inhibitions if they are acting through another character. 

What’s the sexiest thing about a Second Life player?
If they aren't embarrassed that they're doing it, that's sexy. Like, "I enjoy doing this, so I'm going to do it." The excitement to try something new and participate in a new way of socializing.

What’s the best way to hook up with a Second Life player?
The way Second Life is organized, you can zip around the map by interest. If you're into golfers, you can put in golf. There are dance clubs, different sex clubs, and fetish areas. It can be dirty and porny, but there can be matchmaking. It's not weird to meet people online. People have relationships in Second Life and then decide if they want to meet in real life. Like other online dating. There are some people who probably want to keep it online, and then there are some who are more committed to having relationships. 

I'm really into Second Life, but the guy I'm dating barely knows what it is. I've tried to show him, but he doesn't seem that taken. Could you ever date anyone who wasn't into Second Life, or is it a dealbreaker?
It's not a dealbreaker. I don't need to date myself. I don't need the person I'm dating to be into it. But being into it and being open to it are different. They need to respect that I'm into it. 

My girlfriend works insane hours and loves her job, but I feel like she has no time for me anymore. How do I get the attention from her that I used to get when she was unemployed? 
Don't expect it to be the same thing. She has other things going on in her life. Try to find a new dynamic that works for both of you. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, and have fallen into the rut of boring date nights — dinner and a movie. How can we spice it up?

Cheat. Not really. Do something that neither of you have ever done before. Or take something only one of you has done before  activity-wise or sex-wise  and introduce it to the other person. 

The guy I'm dating has an unusually large sexual appetite and sustainability. I know I should be glad, but it's exhausting and sometimes I just don't feel like it. How can I get him to cool it so that we can do other things together, not just constant humping?
Talk to him about it. See if he's using it as a substitute for something else, or if he's uncomfortable doing other things. See if there's anything you can do for him that's as fulfilling, and make sure that your relationship isn't totally based on sex. 

My girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. The problem is, we live together, and the lease isn't up until September. Lately I've wanted to hook up with other girls. Is there a classy way to bring them to my place?
Nope. Even if you're breaking up with somebody you should still respect them, especially if you're living with them. You have to have a functional dynamic. Go do it somewhere else! Why would you do that to someone that you supposedly cared about?

I feel like my internet identity  whether it be Facebook, Gchat, Twitter. etc.  is very charming, witty, and fun. But when I actually meet up with my online acquaintances, I'm shy and introverted and it always feels likes my dates are disappointed. How can I transfer my internet poise to real life?
Figure out why you need that middleman to be yourself, and know that if it's working online it should work in real life. Have faith. If the person doesn't like you for who you really are, you shouldn't be with that person anyway.


Sebastien, 27

Can you have a serious relationship on Second Life? 
Yes, but I have never. I haven't met the right person yet. 

What’s better about Second Life sex? 
It's better because it's the ultimate fantasy that's not inhibited by physical reality.


What's the sexiest thing about a Second Life player?
The purity of the identity that they have created. It's the true them. It's not held back by genetics or circumstances in life. It's what they fantasize about for themselves. 

What makes a Second Life player better in bed in real life?
Second Life allows you to think about what you want, and it shows in bed. You know what you want.

I'm really into Second Life, but the guy I'm dating barely knows what it is. I've tried to show him, but he doesn't seem that taken. Could you ever date anyone who wasn't into Second Life, or is it a dealbreaker?
At first, it’s not a dealbreaker, but generally the things I look for in real life, in a guy, should make him open to it eventually. I can't imagine someone fitting my standard and not being open to it. I like a person who is open to the digital revolution and the advancements that it entails, or at least interested in it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple years, and have fallen into the rut of boring date nights  dinner and a movie. How can we spice it up?
If you've been together for a couple of years, shouldn't conversation be enough? Shouldn't you be able to talk about how bored you are? You should. Talk to him. 

My boyfriend is a good bit younger than me. We work very well together when we're alone, but sometimes it's tough when we go out  he's usually broke, and his friends are still reliving college. Should I be dating someone my own age? Or is it okay that we have separate social lives? 
It's okay. Use it as a challenge to get creative and find things that can fit both of your financial situations. I've been in this kind of situation, and that's what I did. In fact, getting creative can be more fun than doing the socially prescribed activities that cost money. 

My boyfriend is still great friends with his ex-boyfriend, and they hang out all the time without me. It's hard to not feel suspicious or jealous. How do I shake this feeling?
Go out with the boyfriend and get an understanding of their dynamic. If there really is nothing going on, it should show. And you'll probably get a good understanding of what is appealing between the two of them as friends. 

My girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago, but we live together, and the lease isn't up until September. Lately, I've been wanting to hook up with other girls. Is there a classy way to bring them to my place?
No. Just no. Go to the other's place. Wait until September. No, that's stupid, don't wait. I guess it depends on your relationship with your ex. If you're friends with her and it was amicable she might understand. If it ended poorly, just don't. 

I feel my like internet identity — on Facebook, Gchat, Twitter, etc.  is very charming, witty, and fun. But when I actually meet up with my online acquaintances, I'm shy and introverted and it always feels likes my dates are disappointed. How can I transfer my internet poise to real life?
It's not about changing your real-life persona to match your internet persona. You should reflect on you who are in real life. Yeah, the internet is an outlet for you to do whatever you want and be someone you're not because you have the safety of anonymity, but if you plan on meeting on in real life, you should get the two to match.