Advice

Sex Advice From Segway Owners

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sex advice from segway owners

jaredJared, 32

www.SegwayOfOhio.com

What has riding a Segway taught you about sex or dating?
If you’re doing it right, you should probably be wearing a helmet!

What’s the best way to pick up a Segway owner?
Ask questions about it. Like most early-adaptors, Segway owners are more than happy to preach about how much they love their machines! Don’t — I repeat, don’t — mention Paul Blart Mall Cop.

How can owning a Segway improve my sex life?
Well, riding a Segway can be a great pick-up tool. It is, at least, a solid ice-breaker. The important thing is not to be embarrassed. It’s a little bit dorky, we all know that! But it’s also a lot of fun. So, embrace your geekiness. Own it. You’ll find that the inner nerd you try so dearly to hide can be a bit charming.

What’s the most overrated erogenous zone?
Overrated erogenous zone? Nothing is overrated. In fact, in a study I just conducted in my imagination, 99.8% of people feel that almost every zone is “underrated.” Ear, check. Back of the neck, yum! Back of the knee, yes please! Between the legs…well, you get what I’m saying. The only time an area can be overrated is when other areas are being neglected.

My girlfriend is just not as good at oral as my ex. How can I help improve her skills without hurting her feelings?
Treat her like a dog. Wait, before you stop reading… When training a puppy, punishment will only get you so far, but praise will get you results. Try not to focus on what she’s doing wrong, but be sure she knows everything she’s doing right. Next time she goes down on you, try to say something along the lines of: “God, I love it when you…”. Let her know what she does well and she’ll be more eager to please.

But wait, Mr. Oral Trainer! Are you sure you’re doing everything she needs in that department? If oral school is in session, you should work on honing your abilities as well. The next time you reciprocate, ask her to direct you. She’ll get off on calling the shots, and you’ll find out what really heats her up.

This woman I just started dating doesn’t shave her legs. I think it’s kind of a turn-off, but she’s awesome in every other way. Should I say something?
Absolutely. Just be prepared to take it like a champ when she doesn’t like your clothes… or would prefer you lose those extra holiday pounds. While I’m on the topic, your teeth could be whiter. Also, you snore. Have you ever asked her (nicely) why she doesn’t shave her legs? I’m sure the idea has occurred to her, prior to your unique insight. Find out what her reasons are, and make an attempt to learn something about her. But, if the hairy legs are that big of a turn-off, move on.

I’m a guy who’s always had tepid orgasms. Is there any way I can make them more intense?
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Heed my words and your lukewarm orgasm will become a five-alarm, dehydrating explosion of pleasure and body fluids. Start and stop: during foreplay try to get as close to orgasm as possible and then… Stop! Don’t touch it! Don’t even look at it! Turn your focus to your partner and give yourself time to cool down. Do this as many times as the two of you can stand… but make sure not to wait so long that your partner gets bored.


Miss Information: Can’t stop thinking about my cheating ex
Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life
I Did it for Science: Topless in the Park

Daniel, 25

daniel

What has riding a Segway taught you about sex or dating?
It comes with a big burden to overcome: being out there for everyone to see. I mean, I was probably the only Segway most people would see that day, week, or month. So I’d say, confidence is a big factor. Segway owners are either trendsetters or the few of us crazy enough to try a new approach to life — and I’m sure this holds true in the bedroom.

What’s the best way to pick up a Segway owner?
I’d say if you’re on the West coast, see if there’s a local Segway Polo group. We’re not quite as active a community on the East Coast, but there are many local meetups of users.

What’s the most overrated erogenous zone?
I’ve never been too into nipples. I never understood why someone would spend so much time playing with mine. Yes, it has a lot of nerves, but it just doesn’t do it for me.

I lost my virginity to this girl I just started dating, but I had lied and said I’d done it before. We’re getting more serious. Should I risk things by telling her my real experience level?
I usually side with honesty (unless you’re sparing someone’s feelings). In this case, the truth is eventually going to get out. Make sure your partner finds out from you directly rather than finding out from mouthy friends or awkward Facebook interactions.

My boyfriend has always been “just friends” with this girl we know. Recently he admitted that she’s made passes at him while drunk. He’s always turned her down, but I don’t feel comfortable about it. Should I speak up, or am I being paranoid?
Well he’s obviously been honest enough to tell you about the whole situation, so I’d be a bit relieved by that. I can get a bit jealous too, but you’ll only make things worse if you start to impose some restrictions on them. I might just tell him how you feel, and ask him to respect your paranoia even if it’s only that.

I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She didn’t say anything back. Where do we go from here?
You might want to table that word for a while until it becomes more appropriate. She might not have said it back, but that doesn’t mean you’ll never get there. As long as you’re happy and having fun, stick with it. You don’t want to inadvertently push her away with too much affection.

Miss Information: Can’t stop thinking about my cheating ex
Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life
I Did it for Science: Topless in the Park

Jim, 69jim

www.SiliconSegway.com

What has riding a Segway taught you about sex or dating?
A person’s approach to Segway riding may reveal a lot about their attitudes, such as their self-confidence, adventurousness, willingness to try new things, acceptance of risk and responsibility, indoors/outdoors orientation, attitudes towards other people, and more.

What’s the best way to pick up a Segway owner?
Simply ask if they’ll show you how to ride it.

What’s an automatic dealbreaker in the bedroom?
Too much talk, too little action.

I lost my virginity to this girl I just started dating, but I had lied and said I’d done it before. We’re getting more serious. Should I risk things by telling her my real experience level?
Tell her she’s the best you ever had, and leave it at that. She won’t believe anything you say, anyway.

My girlfriend is just not as good at oral as my ex. How can I help improve her skills without hurting her feelings?
You can’t teach enthusiasm. Shame on you for losing your ex. Go find her.

I hate my boyfriend’s friends. Do I have to hang out with them?
If you don’t like the people your boyfriend likes, what makes you think he likes you? Go find a better match.

Miss Information: Can’t stop thinking about my cheating ex
Ridiculous Tips for a Miserable Sex Life
I Did it for Science: Topless in the Park